3034: [Part 2] Our Marriage Was Struggling, Here Are 12 Things That Helped Us Heal and Strengthen It by Shawna Scafe of Simple on Purpose

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[00:00:53] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. Our marriage was struggling. Here are 12 things that helped us heal and strengthen it. Part 2. By Sean Escafe of SimpleOnPurpose.ca. 7. Take care of yourself. I know it's a big dedication to do some exercise each week, eat healthier, and shower at a reasonable frequency, but it makes a difference in a marriage.

[00:01:19] It's important to support healthy habits in one another. I don't mean nagging them to stop spending their days drinking cola on the couch, but supporting the little changes they are willing and ready to make to take care of their health. Making space for one another to take care of our health and wellness makes us better partners. Let me say, this isn't how you look in a bikini or whatever you want to wear. This is about how you feel when you're taking care of yourself.

[00:01:46] Energetic, vibrant, proud. These feelings improve the intimacy of marriage, which can never be understated. And if you do feel like starting an Instagram hashtag fit couples, then you do you. 8. Be their comfort, not their confrontation. I remember many years where our home was not a place of peace. It was a place of scorekeeping and tension and problems.

[00:02:11] If Connor worked many late nights, I can't blame him. This was not a fun place to come home to. It really hit me when I learned about a secret that a friend was keeping from his wife because of how she would react to him. It made me sad to think that I was creating a relationship where my husband didn't feel safe sharing his pain and mess with me. I knew I wanted this deep and intimate relationship with my husband, but I was putting all the vibes to actually prevent this from ever happening.

[00:02:38] Once I realized that our home was not a place of peace, I knew we needed to make a change. Not just for my marriage, but for my kids too. I wanted our home to be a place where you can find comfort instead of being worried that you'll be confronted on something at any moment. Where you can let out your mess and have someone help you through it without making you feel like a monster. A place where you're allowed to make mistakes. A place where you can confess, ask for forgiveness, and move on.

[00:03:06] A place where you can just be yourself and be accepted, seen, and loved for who you are. 9. Be accountable. For most of our relationship, we had two incomes. We developed a culture in our marriage of just buying whatever we felt like, whenever we felt like it. After kids, I became a stay-at-home mom, and that two incomes went to one. Yet we were still spending like it was two. We started using different strategies to help us get a handle on how we're spending.

[00:03:35] One of them is to be accountable for all of our purchases to one another. As I've seen this roll out in our daily life, where we talk about everything we spend money on, I can see that we are really accountable to one another in so many ways. We are a unit, a team. And how we spend our time, energy, money, and resources, it needs some degree of accountability to one another. Teamwork makes the dream work. 10. Be humble.

[00:04:54] When we get into the grind of everyday life and add kids into the mix, we kind of float through the day on our routine. This past year, we made a goal to enjoy our children more. And I can see how much it changes the atmosphere in our home. I also see how important it is to enjoy your spouse. Remember when you started dating, and you would flirt and send hilarious text messages and start these little inside jokes? You're still allowed to do that. Have fun together. And it doesn't have to be roller coasters and Vegas weekends.

[00:05:24] It's the little daily enjoyment you can experience with them. Have a water fight. Watch a funny show. Tell them corny jokes. Just let yourself smile and have fun with those people in your home. And number 12. Forget perfect. Finally, I will add that we can take the pressure off. There is no such thing as perfect. No matter what you see in other couples or what your parents had, you don't get to see that internal mess and struggle they go through.

[00:05:52] When we stop trying to make moments perfect or mold our spouse into the perfect mate, then we get something better. We get what's right in front of us. What's real and what's already ours. If we live our days thinking about everything we're lacking, then our life will be a series of daily disappointments. But when we have eyes for the joy and beauty that is already right there, then we can live from a place of abundance. We will never get the perfect life.

[00:06:19] But we do get a hundred little moments every day that are perfect. If we seek them out. You just listened to part two of the post titled Our Marriage Was Struggling. Here Are Twelve Things That Helped Us Heal and Strengthen It By Sean Escafe of SimpleOnPurpose.ca What your skin needs is what your skin needs. Pigmentflecken reduzieren and vorbeugen Through innovative Weakstoffe and höchsten UV-Schutz

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[00:07:17] Experience it for yourself on our guided podcast. Search NSDR and look for the one from Optimal Living Daily. Okay, and there we have it. Part two from Shauna. And this article is in the books. I really enjoyed reading this one for you the last couple of days. And yesterday, I mentioned, you know, just the sheer volume of information and ideas in a post like this one. As I've done a few times when offering commentary on this type of work,

[00:07:44] I just want to remind you that it is okay if you can't implement all of these ideas. It's okay if the very idea of it even exhausts you. Just because you're not committing to every relationship improvement idea out there doesn't mean you're not showing up and doing a wonderful job for your partner. So, if it feels better to just focus on one of these thoughts or two or three of them, start there.

[00:08:11] Think about what might be the most prudent or the most useful and lean into that. Even just making one necessary change can have a huge impact. Often much greater than making a lot of changes that don't really move the needle so much. So, I'll leave it there for today, everybody. Thanks again as always for listening to both parts one and two of this post. Thanks for doing right by your relationships once again by tuning into ORD. So, have a great start to your week and I'll look forward to seeing you next time, where your optimal life awaits.