3037: How Motherhood Slowed Me Down by Sonja K. Semion with No Sidebar on Mindful Parenting

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[00:00:58] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. How Motherhood Slowed Me Down. By Sonja K. Semien. With nosidebar.com. It's just after 1 p.m. My 3-year-old daughter and I make the slow walk from her school back to our home. It's a walk that takes me 7 minutes alone. But with her, we take about a half an hour. It's filled with questions. What's that flower? What's under that pile of leaves? Why is that man walking?

[00:01:28] This is her time. A time to meander and to not be pushed. A space to become fully immersed in that timeless state of childhood that I'm so sad to admit is not possible in all parts of her day. Such as the morning. On the way to school, I push her in a stroller. We're expected to be there at a certain time, a deadline about which I seem to be the only one who cares. We move faster in the

[00:01:52] stroller. But on the way home, we have no deadlines. So I let her pause me. We walk under the amber rays of the afternoon sun. I join her in wonder of what these flowers and leaves and walking men are all about. I didn't always value such slow walks. In fact, for the near decade when I lived in New York City, I prided myself on my fast pace of walking. Even striding along in heels, I could outpace most

[00:02:19] people hustling from one part of their packed schedule to the next. I was terribly impatient then, prone to outbursts if tourists blocked my path by daring to pause and look up at the forest of buildings. And then I decided I wanted to get pregnant. I approached this with the same attitude I had used for the rest of my life. It was a goal. Here were the steps I needed to reach it. But while I could bulldoze my way through everything else in my life, my ovaries simply would not

[00:02:45] budge. This process of getting pregnant forced me to strip many things from my life. I left my marriage, my fast-paced career, and many toxic friends. I stood naked without identity or purpose. It was the darkest, most difficult time I have ever experienced in my life. But I'm grateful for it. And then, two years later, Leone came. Born on a cold March night after 52 hours of labor,

[00:03:12] her introduction made me question everything I had assumed about the pace of life. I chose to stay in for two weeks after her birth. And I never imagined it would be so hard. I was pressed into a chair by a little suckling babe who wanted nothing but to fall asleep at my bosom. I was forced to be still. Sometimes I didn't have my phone, computer, or a book nearby. I literally did nothing. But with her on my lap, the idea of doing nothing became entirely redefined.

[00:03:42] Doing nothing meant watching my tiny babe turn into a chunky yearling. Doing nothing meant silly songs that made me feel sweet and playful. Doing nothing meant witnessing every tiny step of her growth, from the first time she picked her head up to the first bite of solid food. Doing nothing was everything. I learned to mark my day by her schedule of naps and meals. I only accepted social engagements that wouldn't cause us unnecessary stress. My career simply became another expression

[00:04:11] of who I am, but it was no longer all of me. My husband and I spent our evenings at home, writing, reading, or studying. With this shift, I settled into an earlier bedtime, walking before dawn, and consistently starting each day with a two-hour practice of yoga and meditation. I found myself releasing the impatience that wants to find me. I found myself softening, caring less about planning my next big vacation or career move, and more about living life in the

[00:04:40] presence of her daily growth. My childless friends thought that I was a hermit. Some tried to drag me out of the house as if I was a princess locked in a tower. Sure, a night away is nice, but it can't replace the feeling of my daughter laying her sweet head on my chest. My old New York City self laughs when I tell her that our family recently moved from the U.S. to a small Mexican pueblo of about 8,000

[00:05:04] people. Here, our simplicity has been lifted to an entirely new level. We walk more, passing abuelas, sleeting burros carrying loads of firewood on their backs. With just a few restaurants in town, we eat at home most of the time, sitting down together, even when we have to get our daughter to school on time. Here, a sense of spaciousness has replaced the old restlessness, and it suits us

[00:05:29] quite well. Now I relish a slow walk after school with my daughter, exploring the world from her curious eyes. Mine has become a slow, lovely life, and I credit my daughter with giving me what I never knew I wanted. You just listened to the post titled, How Motherhood Slowed Me Down, by Sonja K. Semien with nosidebar.com.

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[00:06:24] Ja, ich hab ganz locker über 1000 Euro zurückbekommen. Hast du geheime Connections? Nö, nur die Wieso Steuer App. Wow, und das ist einfach? Klar, die macht fast alles automatisch. Plötzlich fühle ich mich so entspannt. Hol dir dein Geld zurück, tiefenentspannt mit Wieso Steuer. And thanks a lot to Sonja for this post, the tone of which even has me feeling more relaxed, which I think says a lot about her ability to convey mood through her writing. She's a really

[00:06:52] strong writer. And I think what I like most about this write-up is just the reminder that our lives truly are prone to changing so much. We often forget that when we're really attached to our identities or the identities of other people. We often choose to pretend that change can't take place, perhaps as a defense mechanism in some cases. But it can. And many times it's because of a life-altering experience,

[00:07:21] such as having a baby. So I hope that if you are someone who doesn't believe that yourself or others can change, or doesn't want yourself or others to change, that you can walk away from this episode being more open to that idea. Even that openness could be a meaningful change in itself. There are other lifestyles to be had, and none of us are immune to the possibility of them unfolding, whether or not

[00:07:47] we choose for them to. So allow this in yourself, and allow this in others, and see what that mindset shift does for you. That's going to wrap us up for today though, everyone. Thank you as always for being here and listening through the end. And make sure to do the same tomorrow, because there is going to be another parenting post coming your way. I hope to see you there, where your optimal life awaits.