3038: Toddler Tantrums, Sibling Rivalry and One Tired Mom by Adina Soclof of Parenting Simply on Parenting Challenges

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[00:00:54] Dear Adina, I have three kids. Three and a half years old, two and a half years old, and a one year old. I love your suggestions. My biggest challenge is just that they are so young. I know half of their annoying behavior is just normal for very young kids. What are your suggestions for tantrums and stealing from siblings? I also do not like when one child does something wrong and the other kids think it's funny. I don't want them egging each other on. Any help would be appreciated.

[00:01:23] Thanks for your question. You obviously have your hands full. I'm glad that you recognize that your kids are acting quite normal for their age. That's half the battle. Many parents will just call it misbehavior. This can cause a lot of negative emotions and emotionally charged situations. Now for some practical advice. 1. Tantrums Tantrums are one of those things that parents need to deal with when their kids are young. They're exhausting and frustrating. The best measures are preventative.

[00:01:52] Try to keep your kids on a schedule so that they're getting the sleep they need, they're eating at set times, and they're getting regular one-on-one attention from you. This will help go a long way in preventing tantrums in the first place. You also want to see if you can detect a pattern. Different kids tantrum for different reasons. I knew that one son would tantrum if his schedule would change. Another one would tantrum if his favorite shirt was dirty. And they would all tantrum if they thought their sibling got something that they did not.

[00:02:21] But you can plan for them. You will then be one step ahead of the game. For a full discussion of temper tantrums, you can buy the audios of my Parenting Simply class. 2. Stealing from Siblings The best way to handle this problem is to make some simple rules about your kids' possessions and start enforcing them. Some possible rules are Children need to ask permission to use their sibling's toy Designate family toys that have to be shared and toys that are personal and need permission And

[00:02:51] Have a special shelf for toys that children do not have to share Even a 12-month-old can start to understand that they can't take any toy they want. You can say, That is Sarah's special toy. Let's find you something else to play with. I know you're only one year old, but you need to ask permission to play with this toy. I'll ask Eli if you can play with it. Eli, can Micah play with this? You're teaching them to respect each other's possessions.

[00:03:18] It's a lesson that will not be learned overnight, but the training can and should start when they're young. If they continue to take stuff from each other, gently direct them to give it back. Eli, this is Sarah's toy. You need to ask permission. Do you want to ask her or should I ask her for you? This is frustrating. This is not a family toy. This is a toy you need to ask permission to use. If they refuse to share, respect that and find another toy for them to play with.

[00:03:47] It is Sarah's toy. She's not ready to share it right now. Let's find another toy to play with. Maybe she'll be able to let you play with it later. The trick here is, if you don't force them to share, you will find that they will say, Oh fine, you can play with it, but just for a few minutes. Number three, keeping misbehavior from getting out of hand. I wouldn't worry so much about them laughing at each other's misbehavior. It's a good thing. It's the best bonding for siblings.

[00:04:15] In order to support their feelings of togetherness, but still maintain discipline, you might want to say, Okay, okay, it's good to see you guys laughing together, but I don't like this behavior. Jumping on the bed, or throwing food, eating with your mouth open, splashing water out of the bath, etc. is not allowed. Let's find another activity that you enjoy together. Or, I like to see you laughing together, but I'm tired, and I need your cooperation now.

[00:04:44] I get frustrated when you are jumping on the bed, throwing food, eating with your mouth open, splashing water out of the bath, etc. And then when you start laughing about it with each other, I get even more upset. It needs to stop now. And number four, take care of yourself. Make sure you're taking care of yourself. Try to get some sleep when you can. Find an activity that you love, and do it. Don't forget, a multivitamin, exercise, and a little me time

[00:05:11] can go a long way in helping you manage young kids. You just listened to the post titled Toddler Tantrums, Sibling Rivalry, and One Tired Mom by Adina Sokloff of ParentingSimply.com Am Bahnsteig, an der Kasse, in der Praxis, überall muss man warten. Zum Glück nicht in der Apotheke. Mit der Shop-Apotheker-App. Der Arztbesuch sollte schließlich genug sein.

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[00:06:34] The part that immediately jumped out for me had to be in her third bullet about celebrating togetherness and how to do that while also being assertive. When we're frustrated as parents, it can be difficult to remember in times of conflict that, you know, the highest goal of ours that we're trying to achieve is really to help our children be happy, functional people with happy, functional relationships. This really should transcend anything else we have to teach them.

[00:07:01] And if this goal is kept top of mind as it should be, we can better see opportunities to intertwine it with discipline and assertiveness. And frankly, the more we do help to cultivate this interpersonal and intrapersonal well-being for kids, the more receptive they'll be to the day-to-day lessons we have for them too. So remember that parents, it is a marathon and each moment we have with our kids is about something much bigger than just what's in front of us, regardless of how big that mess is.

[00:07:30] So thank you for stopping in today, everyone, and making another episode possible. Enjoy your Friday if you're listening in real time and be sure to join me again tomorrow for the Saturday show. That's where your optimal life awaits.