3042: How to Know if He is Marriage Material: Questions to Ask by Dr. Diana Kirschner of Love in 90 Days on Relationship Compatibility

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[00:00:53] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. How to know if he's marriage material. Questions to ask on your first date. By Dr. Diana Kirschner of lovein90days.com. How to know if he's marriage material? You've heard the excuses before. But, is he ready to get married? He says things like, it's not you, it's me. You deserve someone better. I'm not ready.

[00:01:20] It seemed like you were on the same page. And then, bam! The guy had a sudden change of heart. Freaked out or just plain disappeared. You wonder, I really thought he was ready to get married. But I was wrong. You're tired of men who seem to want something long term with you. Guys who say one thing but do another. Those that run for the hills when things start to deepen.

[00:01:42] If only there was a way to tell early on if someone is the marrying kind. If only there was a way to answer the question, is he ready to get married? Guess what? There is. What research can show you about how to know if he's marriage material right on the first date? Over the past few years, researchers have looked closely at the types of men who are more interested in a long term relationship. And, if age appropriate, to have children.

[00:02:12] They've been able to distinguish those that are marriage material and those who are likely to be commitment phobes or players. And guess what? There are telltale signs that you can use to guide you on the first date. Rutgers University and the National Marriage Project conducted a national study that showed that married men were more likely than single men to have grown up with both biological parents.

[00:02:35] Almost half of married men reported going to religious services several times a month, while less than a quarter of the unmarried men did. When researchers sorted out the single men who were marriage material, they found similarities among them. Men who said they came from traditional backgrounds and intact families and those who regularly attended religious services were the best prospects. These men agreed with the following statement. Quote,

[00:03:02] You'd be ready to marry tomorrow if the right person came along. End quote. A Gallup poll also showed that the vast majority of these men are seeking a soulmate. They are actively looking for someone who will fulfill their emotional, physical, and spiritual desires. And they also want a partner who will also share breadwinning responsibility. Who are not marriage material? The non-marrying kind, however, were more likely to Distrust women

[00:03:31] Agree with the statement that there are so many bad marriages today it makes one question the value of marriage Believe that singles have better lovemaking lives And Worry more about divorce So, how do you get down to the nitty-gritty on a first date without sounding like you're intensely interviewing a guy to be your potential husband? Four questions you can ask on a first date to know if he's marriage material Number one

[00:03:59] First, ask him to tell you something about his childhood Such as, what's one of your favorite childhood memories? This opens the door to give you more information and ask a follow-up question about his upbringing Such as, oh, what are your parents like? Someone who is open, which you want, will usually share details Number two Alternatively, you can tell him something about your parents in childhood Which then opens the door for you to ask about his

[00:04:27] As he responds, you should be able to sense whether he has any bitterness Number three Then, let him tell you about his family You might say something like, so, where did you grow up? And after he answers, you might say, oh, do your parents still live there? Again, just bringing up the topic usually opens the door to delve deeper without being intense or sounding like an interviewer Number four

[00:04:55] Ask him if he has a spiritual side or a religious side This will surface pretty quickly, what is happening on that end How to gauge his answers on the first date to know if he is marriage material Now, of course, if someone didn't grow up with both parents or doesn't have a religious or spiritual background This doesn't mean he isn't the one and isn't capable of making a long-time commitment This is just a way to gauge how ready he is on the first date

[00:05:24] As you're talking, pay attention to the other nuances Is he bitter about relationships? Clearly angry about his childhood, not over a divorce? Does he have a negative view of life and have an every-man-for-himself vibe? These are all red flags Move on You'll save yourself a lot of time, frustration, disappointment, and heartbreak Ultimately, you're looking for a guy who is comfortable around you

[00:05:52] Who feels like he could be a solid, caring friend One who doesn't try too hard, but shows he's totally into you A good person with whom you share chemistry that is brewing But not over the top and out of control You just listened to the post titled How to know if he is marriage material Questions to ask on your first date By Dr. Diana Kirschner of lovein90days.com

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[00:07:20] Slash Gutscheine And thanks so much to Dr. Diana for sharing today, especially the results of that study, a very interesting and rather popular one that I've actually come across once or twice myself. I do love her disclaimer at the end about the fact that there is still so much variety here and that these well-crafted conversational questions serve only as a guide. You know, not only can men be ready for marriage regardless of their upbringing, but it's also

[00:07:46] crucial to consider how these factors can change over time, even by the day. Answers to such questions might even change due to a recent argument your date might have had with the parent. So there really is a lot of flexion here, as people change with new experiences and fleeting moods, misunderstood questions, etc. Overall, you do have better chances with someone who generally grew up around themes of love and unity, like non-divorced parents, I guess, and religious rituals.

[00:08:16] But a better indicator to base a second date on is more likely to be shared values, a good conversation, and if you can see the person on the other side of the table exhibiting many of the qualities that you would ideally like to exhibit. So, that's going to do it for today, folks. Much appreciation for all of your attendance and for supporting the show, as always. Good news, we'll be back again tomorrow, never missing a beat. So, have a great start to your week, and I'll see you in our next episode for more. That's where your optimal life awaits.