3053: 5 Simple Ways To Discipline Without Yelling by Jen of This Time of Mine on Calm Parenting

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[00:00:57] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. 5 Simple Ways to Discipline Without Yelling. By Jen of ThisTimeOfMine.com. Do your kids ever make you feel like you speak a different language? Like one from a different planet? Because no matter what you try, no one is listening?

[00:01:15] On days like these, the only logical option seems to be yelling. I mean, what else can we do? We can't possibly control our emotions, get our kids to listen, and achieve positive results, at least not at the same time. Right? Making the impossible possible. Staying calm while disciplining might seem like something out of a fiction book. And it's too easy to fool ourselves into thinking we're just another angry mom, and there's nothing that can be done about it.

[00:01:44] But we'd be wrong. The cycle of anger and yelling is a problem that all of us are familiar with. Being a parent is hard work, and sometimes our kids make us want to rip our hair out. But believe it or not, the problem isn't you. It's not even your kids. Ever heard the saying, knowledge is power? Well, that's true in parenting as well. None of us started off as expert moms.

[00:02:09] We learn as we go, little by little, experience by experience. We slowly add tricks and hacks to our parenting tool belt until we find what works for our personality and parenting styles. It's possible to effectively discipline our kids without yelling at them all the time. But it takes more than just telling ourselves to stop yelling. We need strategies and tips we can experiment with until we find what works.

[00:02:34] Of course, that doesn't mean we can listen to a quick article like this and be cured. But it is a great place to start. 5 Ways to Discipline Without Yelling Trying out a new parenting strategy can feel awkward at first. But like anything new, the more you do it, the easier it gets. Here are 5 easy techniques to try. 1. Validate, then explain

[00:02:58] The first technique is to validate their feelings before explaining why they're in trouble. You just don't understand. Have you ever heard that one as a parent? If you haven't yet, just wait. It'll happen eventually. Our kids want to be understood, no matter their age. They want to know that the big feelings they're having are normal and that everything is going to be okay.

[00:03:21] They crave validation. So before skipping straight to the lecture, show that you understand or want to understand what they're feeling. Their little bodies can house some pretty big emotions, and often they simply don't know what they are or what to do with them. Try validating statements such as, I know that must be frustrating. I'm so sorry he made you mad. I understand you're disappointed. And, I know, it's such a bummer. You want to take it even further?

[00:03:50] Ask questions instead. Rather than naming the feelings for them, ask them to describe how they're feeling and talk through it together. Once their feelings have been validated, they'll be more open to trust and listen to you. Now you can start to explain why their behavior or action wasn't the best choice, and how they can do better next time. Number two. Empathize, then discipline. The second technique is to offer an empathetic statement, followed by a logical consequence.

[00:04:19] Our kids are more likely to rebel and resist if we're always rushing in and threatening consequences. Instead, start with a simple statement using words like, I know, I'm sorry, or I understand, to show empathy. This technique is similar to the previous one, except instead of explaining why a behavior or action is wrong, you give a consequence. Be sure to keep the consequence related to the behavior. Number three. Acknowledge, then problem solve.

[00:04:49] The third technique is to acknowledge that something is wrong, and then have them help you figure it out. One of the quickest ways to get a child to lie or shut off is to present them with a yes or no question when they're in trouble. Did you sneak a cookie? Did you hit your sister? Did you just climb on the counter? Do you want me to ground you from your tablet? No. When we're presented with an accusation or threat, our quickest reaction is usually to get defensive. It's human nature.

[00:05:17] So, rather than stating what you already know, have your kids help bring the problem out of the dark. Describe what you see, and use leading questions to help kids describe to you what happened. Then come up with a logical consequence together. Number four. State the fact, then have them try again. The fourth technique is to remain neutral while stating that their behavior is not working, and then offer them the chance to try again.

[00:05:44] Whining, stomping off, backtalk, hitting. There are so many behaviors that make us angry. But if we want to effectively discipline without yelling, we have to hold off on that anger and help our kids understand what we expect instead. Here are a few examples. Sorry, that's not how we ask for a drink. Try again. I know you're mad, but stomping is not nice. Come back and try walking out a different way. That's not how we speak to each other. Try again.

[00:06:15] And we don't use our hands for hitting. Try tapping your sister's shoulder instead next time you need her attention. Keep at it until you get the result you want, no matter how many times it takes. My daughter used to have the worst problem with stomping off. She would have to try walking out again and again, often so many times that we would both end up giggling because it was so ridiculous. But you get the point. And number five, catch them off guard, then connect. The last technique is to get their attention

[00:06:45] by doing something totally different and then taking a moment to connect with them. Sick of your kids not listening? Instead of yelling, do something unexpected. Use humor, whisper. React in a way that they won't expect. Anything to get their attention. Once you've got their attention, use the opportunity to connect. There are so many times when behavior issues are directly related to our children's need to connect with us that day. The best way to discipline is to skip the yelling and make a sandwich.

[00:07:16] However you decide to discipline, keep in mind that teaching is most effective when we use the discipline sandwich or a lesson sandwiched in love. When we start with love, we reinforce that the relationship is one of trust. It allows parents and children to meet in the middle, in a place of safety, and kids are much more receptive when this is established. And when we end with love, our kids will know that their actions and the discipline that followed won't affect your love for them.

[00:07:45] Disciplining with this approach helps our kids understand the natural relationship between behaviors and consequences, and empowers them to understand that improvement is in their control and that you're right there ready to help. You just listened to the post titled Five Simple Ways to Discipline Without Yelling by Jen of thistimeofmine.com Iconic Vibes zum besten Preis.

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[00:09:07] Und thanks so much to Jen for this post. Really wonderful and mindful parenting concepts here today. So I guess the question is, why aren't they always so easy to implement? Or why aren't they the go-to for most people, you might ask? Well, a big part of the reason, not all, but a big part of it, is patience. These are not techniques that always show their results right away. And in many cases, we believe they won't ever show their results. Due to our own frustrations

[00:09:36] or our beliefs about the value of parenting with rigidity, we can easily fall into the mindset of thinking that it needs to be aggressive discipline, enough to scare them into behaving now and enough to make them be better rule followers in the future or something. But a longer-term investment in their health, their comfortability, and thus their behavior can be made by following Jen's advice today and adopting a more conscious form of discipline. Or five more conscious forms

[00:10:06] of discipline, to be specific. So, that will wrap us up for today, everyone. Thank you, as always, for being here and supporting the show. We couldn't do this without you. And there is going to be another parenting post tomorrow as well, as we do each Friday. So, be sure to tune in for that where your optimal life awaits. Let's do this.