3062: Stages of Family Life: Our Intentional Transition to a Faster Pace by Erica Layne on Intentional Living

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[00:00:59] Das ist Optimal Relationships Daily, Stages of Family Life, Our Intentional Transition to a Faster Pace by Erica Layne of ericalayne.co Our unbusy years were beautiful. I mean, I was physically exhausted, like all moms of young kids are, but I was living in a way that felt right for me as a person, and for our family as a whole.

[00:01:26] And there's peace and beauty in living a life that fits. I enjoyed one hundred casual meetups at the park with my friends and their kids. I walked leisurely laps around our neighborhood, day after day, pushing a baby in a stroller while our toddler explored our little world by foot.

[00:01:44] On rainy days, we played in the lobby of our building, just to get out of the apartment. We knew our mail carrier, pool guy, and UPS man by name, Fernando, Forrest, and Ray, in case you're wondering. And they knew ours.

[00:01:58] We explored our greater world on the weekends, keeping sacred Saturdays free for family drives to the coast or hikes in the redwoods. Life was small then, and it suited me to a T. As an introvert, and personality types aside, a total homebody, life near home base is where I'm comfortable.

[00:02:20] Luckily, the lifestyle I'd picked for us was supported by current research and parenting vernacular, which pointed to the benefits kids gained from unstructured play, time to get bored, and open stretches of nature to engage with. I was sold hook, line, and sinker. I still am, actually. All good things come to an end.

[00:02:42] But lately, I've been feeling the tides shifting for our family. And although I've been stubbornly, fine, vigorously resisting, I'm starting to realize I need to follow the flow. Our kids, our boys in particular, are getting older. Most of their friends are active in sports and extracurriculars, which makes it hard for them to find friends and neighbors to play with after school.

[00:03:09] They're also not toddlers anymore. They're less excitable now. Their eyes don't light up with utter glee when we pull up to a park, or when I pull out some construction paper and tape. A scooter ride around the neighborhood doesn't quite have the appeal it once did. I know, my heart's breaking too. Plus, they're expressing more interest in activities outside our home. A season of swim time is behind us, and a season of soccer is ahead of us.

[00:03:37] They're joining band and scouts, and talking about trying out for the school play. Like I said, I can feel the tides shifting, and I know I need to follow the flow. It's time for me to start rallying, to start preparing myself mentally for a new stage of family life. I know I'm not the only parent out there caught in the gentle tug-of-war between simple and busy, between life at home and life outside of home.

[00:04:04] As I make this transition, I would love to hear your advice along the way. Until then, this is what I'll be doing to help myself handle it, with as few face plants as possible. Stages of family life. Four tips to help you transition to a new pace. Number one. Accept, accept, accept. This one might actually be hardest for me, and maybe for you.

[00:04:29] When you love a lifestyle as much as I've loved our low-key, home-based years, it's hard to accept change. But until you do, you'll just keep dragging your feet, making yourself miserable, and maybe even making your kids feel guilty for wanting a life beyond home. Purposefully choosing to accept a new stage is essential. It'll help you quiet the inner conflict. Number two. Take it one step at a time, and protect pockets of white space.

[00:04:59] I've always said I'd follow my kids' cues, and when the time came, carefully balance their personal interests against the best interest of our whole family. We don't have to jump into a hundred activities all at once, or ever. We can take it slow, and still protect pockets of free time. I know families who only do one activity per season, or who opt out of Sunday games, keeping one day a week just for faith and family.

[00:05:27] Number three. Ask for help. So many of us are do-it-all-yourself moms. We know no one else is going to do it quite like we do, so we don't ask. Ahem. Me. Or we feel like we don't have anyone to ask in the first place. No family in town, no supportive village. My advice to myself and to you? Look closer. Parenting wasn't meant to be a solitary experience. We need each other.

[00:05:58] Ask a fellow soccer mom if she'd like to start a carpool. Ask your spouse to be in charge of all pickups that coincide with his drive home. Ask your mom, or a friendly neighbor with a sewing machine, to alter that dance uniform. Yes, you won't have the control you're most comfortable with. Your kids will have to get used to riding in someone else's car, and they might have to wait a few minutes after practice sometimes. It's okay. You don't have to do it all alone.

[00:06:28] And number four. Recognize the value of expanding your circle, for them and for you. Recently, right before our son's first band performance, I watched as he, a kid who usually leans shy, chatted happily with the other trumpet players on the back row. I met a couple of teachers from our school that I'd never met before and caught up with a fellow band mom turned friend. This is good for us, I thought. Both of us.

[00:06:56] Then, as the elementary band teacher stood and raised her hands for the first song, I saw our boy's eyes darting around the audience instead of looking at his sheet music. I waved my hand and caught his attention. He smiled subtly, satisfied, and raised his instrument, turning his eyes to his music. Yep. For the time being, this is where we're meant to be. Both of us.

[00:07:26] You just listened to the post titled, Stages of Family Life, Our Intentional Transition to a Faster Pace, by Erica Layne of ericalayne.co. Hey, it's Justin from Optimal Living Daily. Before we start, I want to share a super powerful practice I use called NSDR, or Non-Sleep Deep Rest. In just about 10 minutes or so, this yoga nidra practice leaves you feeling as refreshed as after a nap without actually sleeping.

[00:07:54] Experience it for yourself on our guided podcast. Search NSDR and look for the one from Optimal Living Daily. And thanks a lot to Erica. I think what I love most about this article is that it reminds us all about both the importance and the power of evolution. The children are fostering new interests that gently propel the family towards a wider horizon of interactions and experiences themselves.

[00:08:24] And this progression signifies what's really a necessary growth, in which the children are not only discovering new parts of their personalities, but are also enriching their social lives. And then for Erica and any other parents, they're evolving in the way that they need to relinquish, you know, like an iota of control to facilitate a smoother adaptation to these changing tides.

[00:08:51] And beyond that, the article serves as a reminder of the, you know, just the nature of family life, all the changes, the fluidity, and that adapting to its changes does not necessarily signify a loss, but rather, you know, a new phase full of possibilities and learning. So all in all, it's a great read for anyone who might forget sometimes about how to welcome new stages of life with that grace and optimism that we sometimes need.

[00:09:21] So think on that, everybody. It's time to wrap up another parenting episode here on ORD, and I thank you so much for stopping by and doing right by your relationships today. Have a great start to your weekend, and I hope to see you back here tomorrow for the Saturday show. That's where your optimal life awaits. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.