3063: Why I’m Teaching My Introverted Daughters to Take Up Space by Charlene Jimenez with Introvert Dear on Raising Confident Girls

[00:00:02] Oh, fühlt sich das nach Sommer an! Die neue Sommerwäsche von Chibo begeistert mit leuchtenden Farben und fröhlichen Trints. Feine Spitze, leichte Mikrofaser und sommerliche Schnitte sorgen für pures Wohlgefühl, selbst an heißen Tagen. Entdecke jetzt die neue Wäschekollektion von Chibo und finde deine Lieblingsstücke für den Sommer. Das gibt es nur bei G.

[00:00:56] Why I'm Teaching My Introverted Daughters to Take Up Space by Charlene Jimenez with IntrovertDear.com I never want my introverted daughters to wish they were invisible or question their right to stand up for themselves. I grew up trying to be as small, quiet and invisible as possible. In part, this is due to my introvert personality. I hate having attention on me, so I'll do almost anything to avoid the spotlight.

[00:01:23] But it's also something I was conditioned to do as a female from an early age. In my mid-30s, I'm still dealing with the consequences. I've always been afraid to take up space, to have a voice, to be loud. Sometimes I've been afraid to even exist because I might annoy or frustrate or offend someone. I never want to be a nuisance to anyone. It's a familiar feeling, even if it's only inside my own head.

[00:01:48] Maybe you've been there too. But I'm a mom now, so I'm challenging all of that for my toddler daughters. I never want them to wish they were invisible or didn't exist. I never want them to question their right to speak up for themselves or say what's on their minds. I never want them to feel less than because other people think it, say it, or believe it. Those people are wrong. So, so wrong. We all have the right to be.

[00:02:14] As I'm learning how to fight through these barriers around me, I'm teaching my daughters to do better than I have done. Here's how. How I'm teaching my introverted girls to take up space. 1. Take up physical space with your body. Exist. Take up space. Be you. These are some of the most important things I could ever teach my children. I don't want them to fold in on themselves at a young age and spend their adult years relearning how to uncurl themselves and live.

[00:02:45] I've had bad posture because I literally did just that. I curled in on myself. I have pictures of me from high school with my back rolled, my chest caved, and my head down. I'm a tall girl, and I always felt like a monster, a giant. I wanted to be tiny and petite because then I wouldn't take up so much space. But to heck with that. We all have a right to exist. It doesn't matter what our bodies look like.

[00:03:11] When I was in seventh grade, my assigned seat in language arts class was in the very back, thank heaven. But it squeaked at ridiculous levels. It squeaked if I moved. It squeaked if I breathed too deeply. So, what did I do? Every day for the whole school year, I sat in an awkward, unmoving position so my chair wouldn't squeak. If it squeaked, I assumed people would think I was fat.

[00:03:36] I took shallow breaths so my intake of air wouldn't disrupt the chair and everyone else around me. My legs cramped, but I kept with it, minimizing my impact on inanimate objects and hoping I didn't annoy the two cute boys who sat next to me. Heaven forbid they would ever think I was so large to make a rickety chair squeak. For me, it's almost a natural response to people being around me. I want to escape and I want to turn invisible.

[00:04:02] My posture is the direct representation of how I felt about myself for so long. And now I know it's wrong. Society puts value on things that don't actually matter. So, to my beautiful babies, roll your shoulders back and be proud of who you are. Take up as much space as you need. You can't experience the beauty of life if you're hiding. Number two, use your voice. When in doubt, I shut my mouth.

[00:04:29] Well, except when I have a bone to pick with my husband. I'm sure he wished I would keep my mouth shut during those times. But for everyone else who I'm not 100% comfortable with, generally my lips are sealed unless first spoken to. I'm sure I'm not the only introvert who does this. Again, part of this is due to my naturally quiet personality. I speak when I need to or when I have something important to say. As an introvert, I don't like to waste words. The other part was feeling like my words didn't matter.

[00:04:59] As a child, there were times when I tried to speak up in class, my voice raw from being loud, or so I thought, and no one even responded to or acknowledged me. That child version of myself thought that meant I wasn't important enough, or worthy enough, or funny enough. I just wasn't enough. So, I stopped talking. I stopped answering questions in class. I stopped joining conversations. We speak to be heard, but when we're not, it causes damage.

[00:05:28] When it comes to my baby girls, I will let them speak without interruption. I will listen because they deserve that. Everyone deserves that. I won't use a louder voice to drown them out. Even though they still baby babble, I listen. I respond. I encourage. I desperately want them to find and hold on to their voices. I never want them to feel that their words and their thoughts are worthless. 3. Be loud for the sake of being loud

[00:05:56] I'm generally only loud when I'm beyond upset or tickled pink by something. As an introvert and a highly sensitive person, I don't enjoy loud noise. It stresses me out and puts me on high alert. With twin toddlers, the din in my home borders on obscene. But if they want to be loud, they can be loud. Every time I take one of my daughters out of the tub, wrapped in a towel, we stand in front of the mirror and yell, for no other reason than just to make noise. She loves it.

[00:06:26] It may just be a toddler thing, but it doesn't matter. The point is that if you need to be loud, be loud. If you need to make your existence known to the universe by yelling or banging metal spoons on metal bowls, go for it. Because you know what comes along with all of that? Smiles and loud laughter. And that is the best loudness of all. 4. Dance, laugh, and run if you feel like it I'm burdened by the perceived thoughts of others.

[00:06:54] I rarely step out of line because I try to be ultra-considerate of those around me. I don't sing in public. I don't laugh loudly. I don't usually even share opinions unless directly asked for them. As an introvert, I exist in my own world, and I don't want strangers there with me. But I want to break that cycle with my girls. I'll be honest, I still care too much about what others think of me. And it's useless. It's a waste of time and energy.

[00:07:20] When my girls want to run and dance in public, I'll support them. And I might just join them. Toddlers are great examples of how to be. Free, self-assured, exuberant, joyful. These are things my girls teach me every day. 5. Set aside quiet time to recharge I also want to show my girls the beauty of returning to a healthy, calming silence. So many people are afraid of silence. It unnerves them.

[00:07:49] Instead, they fill their days with distraction and fun until they tire themselves out and go right to bed. There's nothing wrong with having full days. But when it's to avoid yourself, then there's an issue. Finding joy and peace in silence shows that you're comfortable in your own presence and with your own thoughts, with your very existence. It's important to be able to enjoy your own company. If my daughters turn out to be as introverted as their parents, they will need that quiet alone time to recharge and rebalance.

[00:08:18] Most of all, I want my girls to be comfortable in their own skin, because I never was until years after graduating from college. I want them to embrace and love all sides of themselves. The most beautiful person you can be is your unique, confident self. And with that in mind, I wish my daughters a lifetime of beauty and pure existence.

[00:08:44] You just listened to the post titled, Why I'm Teaching My Introverted Daughters to Take Up Space by Charlene Jimenez with IntrovertDear.com. And a big thank you to Charlene for this why and how-to guide to empowering introverted children. Though adult introverts might find these reminders to be particularly valuable as well.

[00:09:07] And whether this is something you're helping your kids through or helping yourself through, I recommend taking Charlene's great ideas today and starting small. If it feels very overwhelming to use your voice, to have fun, to be comfortable in your body, you know, all like in public, start in the privacy of your own home, as it sounds like Charlene has to a degree. In your home base, it's much easier to feel safe while you do this type of work.

[00:09:33] So, whether you're alone or with a loved one, try these things on for size in a setting like that. Even set time aside to do so, or let your cohabitants know that it's something you're trying. And then as time goes on, you might make a concerted effort to try this outside of the house, but with someone that you trust. And then the next iteration might be in a public place that you're comfortable in, even if the people there are acquaintances or even strangers.

[00:10:00] And then finally, you might find it easy to do this anywhere, anytime, without any kind of safety net. And make notes of how you feel during each stage of the process, how different variables affected you, what set you back, but also what gave you extra inspiration, etc. Developing this type of practice and self-awareness over time can go a really long way towards being comfortable expressing yourself, should that be a goal of yours right now. But that'll do it for this episode of ORD, everyone.

[00:10:30] I hope you took something from it, parent or not, introvert or not, and that you'll share it with someone who might benefit from it as well. It's time to wrap up for today, but I will be back with you tomorrow for another post. So, I hope to see you there, where your optimal life awaits. Thank you.