3066: [Part 2] 5 Ways Your Childhood Impacts Your Relationship by Alysha Jeney of Modern Love Counseling on Relationship Patterns

[00:00:02] Oh, fühlt sich das nach Sommer an. Die neue Sommerwäsche von Chibo begeistert mit leuchtenden Farben und fröhlichen Trints. Feine Spitze, leichte Mikrofaser und sommerliche Schnitte sorgen für pures Wohlgefühl, selbst an heißen Tagen. Entdecke jetzt die neue Wäschekollektion von Chibo und finde deine Lieblingsstücke für den Sommer.

[00:00:32] Echt? Mich entspannt meine Steuer total. Steuer? Wie Finanzamt? Die Steuererklärung? Ja, ich hab ganz locker über 1000 Euro zurückbekommen. Hast du geheime Connections oder Excel-Superkräfte? Nö, nur die Wieso-Steuer-App. Wow, und das ist einfach? Klar, die macht fast alles automatisch. Ich fühl mich plötzlich so. Entspannt, hol dir dein Geld zurück. Abgabefrist 31. Juli. Was? Schaffst du ganz entspannt mit Wieso-Steuer? Ach, ja.

[00:01:00] Das ist Optimal Relationships Daily 5 Ways Your Childhood Impacts Your Relationship. Part 2. By Alysha Jeney of Modern Love Counseling 3. You Struggle With Intimacy From my perspective, vulnerability is when you expose a piece of yourself that you don't tend to expose to everyone. Vulnerability is when you take a risk and you are 100% authentic.

[00:01:27] Intimacy is when vulnerability is reciprocated with another person. This can be physical, mental, and emotional. Levels of intimacy and vulnerability are built on the foundation of trust. If you find yourself struggling with any form of intimacy, it could be because you had a difficult time growing up feeling safe opening up and being yourself. Maybe you felt misunderstood a lot. Maybe you felt dismissed a lot.

[00:01:52] Maybe you struggled with feeling disappointment from your parents and nothing you could do was ever good enough. These messages play a huge role in our adult self-talk and our innate reactions to emotion. This affects our intimacy because we aren't allowing ourselves to feel comfortable or confident in our authentic selves. We aren't being present with our partners because we're stuck in our coping mechanism of protecting our authenticity.

[00:02:17] We aren't trusting that our partner has got our back and that they will be there for us even if we aren't perfect or even if they see us as weak. What you can do? Intimacy requires trust. Trust requires consistency and risk-taking. It's a scary little dance, but it's all worth it in the end if you allow safe people in. Your partner may be craving to connect with you, but you don't even realize how often you deny or dismiss forms of intimacy with them because your coping mechanism takes over.

[00:02:46] Try to become more aware of your partner's bids for connection and take note of what you're feeling, what you're struggling with, and maybe ask yourself, Why am I not willing to be open right now? 4. You feel immediate panic when you perceive your partner is pulling away It may be irrational, but in those moments, your brain is not able to reassure you that you're just being irrational and that you have nothing to worry about.

[00:03:13] If you experience an immediate and overwhelming sense of panic when you perceive your partner is shutting down, moving away, and or leaving you, this may be due to your attachment style. If you experienced any abandonment growing up, this innate trigger can become extreme in your adult relationships. You may find yourself feeling immediately upset and needing to repair an issue immediately in order to soothe the panic and fear.

[00:03:39] This may ultimately push your partner away if they're needing space and or are afraid of conflict, and the two of you may find yourselves in a difficult dance. What you can do? Be aware of the panic and of your triggers. If you need to repair conflict in order to calm and soothe yourself, and your partner needs space to process, the middle ground is giving yourselves a break to de-escalate, then return when you both are calm and unguarded.

[00:04:06] This is the only way you will get the reassurance that you really desire, and the only way your partner is going to feel respected and safe. Ask your partner to give you reassurance in that moment, such as, I love you. I'm not leaving you, but I need a break to calm down and process this. It is then your job to hear that, repeat that in your own head, and calm yourself down individually before going back to each other to repair the issue. And number five,

[00:04:35] your biggest coping strategy is to shut down. If you find yourself shutting down a lot and needing time to process or get away from your partner, it may be because you are struggling with conflict. Maybe you have a sensitivity to conflict because you grew up with a lot of it. Maybe you have a sensitivity to conflict because you grew up without any of it. Either way, you were not taught how to effectively argue and repair conflict. We may become subconsciously triggered by any perceived attack, threat,

[00:05:04] form of rejection, and or criticism that we shut down to protect ourselves. Shutting down isn't always a bad thing, but it can be misunderstood by your partner if they're assuming that you are shutting down because you don't care about them. What you can do? It's important to learn how to have healthy conflict and respect each other's triggers and sensitivities. It's important to understand and communicate with your partner why you shut down, especially if it correlates with childhood.

[00:05:33] The more your partner understands you, the less they make their own assumptions about your behavior. In these moments, you can calmly reassure your partner that you aren't leaving them, but that you need space to process and work through everything without feeling triggered. The more the two of you can work together at giving each other what you need to feel safe, the better chances you have to repairing things effectively. You just listened to part two of the post titled

[00:06:02] Five Ways Your Childhood Impacts Your Relationships by Alicia Janey of ModernLoveCounseling.com and a terrific finish to, again, some very important work by Alicia. We learned a lot over the last couple of days. Hopefully, you're leaving with some new insight into your behavior within your relationship, but I also hope that you might too have some new insight or new openness toward your partner's behavior as well. You know,

[00:06:29] when we hear or read an article like this one, it's a natural response to focus on how it pertains to us. But we can forget that these principles can help us better understand everyone, including our partners. So, use the contents of this article to get curious about your partner, should any of these five bullet points pertain to them. Where you might have had frustration in the past, instead consider how they've been conditioned. And any blind spots they might have, that you can now help them with,

[00:06:59] since you've learned these great lessons from Alicia. Work with your partner. Talk through how both of you relate to this article. And work together on crafting new, healthier relationship habits if necessary. This type of work might be scary, but it definitely invites collaboration as well. Collaboration that can truly strengthen the bond that you have with your beloved. So, get to it folks. Folks, that's going to do it for this post from Alicia, which we thank her for once again.

[00:07:28] I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, and that you use it to your advantage. So, that's going to do it for today folks. Much appreciation for all of your attendance, and for supporting the show as always. Good news, we'll be back again tomorrow, never missing a beat. So, have a great start to your week, and I'll see you in our next episode for more. That's where your optimal life awaits.