3071: Minimalism and Relationships by Jennifer Tritt with No Sidebar on Minimalist Relationships

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[00:00:31] Before we start, I want to share a super powerful practice I use called NSDR or Non-Sleep Deep Rest. In just about 10 minutes or so, this Yoga Nidra practice leaves you feeling as refreshed as after a nap, without actually sleeping. Experience it for yourself on our guided podcast. Search NSDR and look for the one from Optimal Living Daily. This is Optimal Relationships Daily. Minimalism and Relationships.

[00:01:05] Good times with great people are a gift. When I reflect over the past year or so, my two favorite memories are of a Paul McCartney concert I attended with my son and running the Bay to Breakers race in San Francisco with my love. True bliss. Living and loving in the present moment. I felt free, strong, and hopeful. I treasure those feelings and connections more than any physical possession.

[00:01:32] Perhaps I feel young at 50 because I am a late bloomer. I did not learn to love and truly respect myself until I was in my 40s. This journey took place as I was adjusting to life alone after divorce. I was also beginning to learn about and embrace minimalism and had created a peaceful, soothing living space. I was engaged in a process of self-discovery, identifying what I value and what I enjoy.

[00:01:58] I began to meet and reconnect with friends who shared my interests. I began to long for a healthy romantic relationship. I met the love of my life at a time when I was whole and happy. I was comfortable being alone and was reaching out for a relationship as a way to enhance my life. Our first meeting was at Starbucks. He ordered an iced mocha. I ordered a strawberry smoothie. We chatted for the hour we were able to arrange to be away from our respective children.

[00:02:27] We were mutually attracted to one another and experiencing that jittery start of a new romance. Shortly after, literally a few minutes, he invited me on a date. Our first date was the best first date of all time. We had originally planned on dinner, and then he wrote and asked if I would like to go biking instead. Of course I would rather go biking. It was awesome.

[00:02:52] We did a 40-mile rail trail, which gave us an opportunity to get to know each other in a beautiful setting while being real. Out of breath, sweating, struggling, etc. After the ride, we went for drinks in our sweaty clothes, then to dinner. It was a 12-hour first date. Things have been magical ever since. Minimalism and Relationships

[00:03:16] Minimalism has helped me to release painful memories and replace that space with openness to new relationships and experiences. Here are a few minimalist lessons I have learned about relationships. 1. Let Go Societal expectations about marriage and family can be overwhelming. Having struggled and failed in these endeavors, I have experienced feelings of heartbreak, loneliness, worthlessness, and shame.

[00:03:44] The path to self-acceptance was challenging. I had to learn to let go of the past. I acknowledged my poor choices and decisions. I moved forward with the insight those experiences had given me. I forgave. I recognize worry and do my best to release it. This is an ongoing process and requires awareness and effort. Decluttering my belongings and releasing the attached memories helped me to declutter my mind and heal my heart.

[00:04:13] 2. Less is More I learned to stop surrounding myself with empty or superficial relationships in an effort to avoid loneliness. Those of us who have been divorced hold on to even fewer friends over the years due to awkwardness and social pressures. True friends, who were patient and loving, along with a good therapist, were invaluable to me. I treasure the few friendships that have endured over time.

[00:04:40] I eventually became more concerned about how I felt than how I appeared to others. Minimalism helped me to shed the layers, both physically in clothing and belongings, and emotionally in being stuck in the past and wrestling with guilt and painful memories. 3. Be Real Minimalism means authenticity over image. I am happy to have reached a point in my life where I am being true to myself.

[00:05:07] I believe I have become a more genuine, confident, and attractive person. I do not project an image. I show up. My love and I share experiences of divorce and its aftermath. We began our relationship with our cards on the table. Having both been judged harshly, we refrained from judging one another. We accepted one another, including past behaviors and choices, and dealt with residual pain.

[00:05:33] This unconditional love and understanding is what provides our strength as a couple. We had common ground and empathy for one another from day one. We help each other with parenting challenges and negotiations with exes. We do our best to avoid drama and games. 4. Live in the Present Our relationship has deepened over time, and we recently moved in together and experienced the process of merging our belongings.

[00:06:02] We gave away or tossed items that do not serve a purpose in our life together. On more than one occasion, we encountered what seemed an innocuous item, such as a mug or a book or a piece of art, and realized the memories attached from previous relationships can be damaging. We are now making new memories with our everyday items, like the fancy toaster we purchased together and use every weekend.

[00:06:26] It was healing and cleansing to let go of items linked to past relationships in order to start fresh. We both work at releasing the past and focusing on the present. Connecting in meaningful ways is much easier when we have less belongings to weigh us down. We continue to make choices based on relationships and experiences over things. We set goals around traveling to destinations we want to explore and athletic accomplishments we aim to achieve.

[00:06:54] We spend little time making purchases or organizing belongings because we have what we need. We enjoy our life together, day by day. You just listened to the post titled, Minimalism and Relationships, by Jennifer Tritt with Nosidebar.com. And be sure to stick around for my comments in just a minute. And a great post from Jennifer, which we thank her for.

[00:07:21] I really love this article because it is such a truthful reminder for those who maybe do feel as though it's too late to make a change in life. Once we reach a certain age, so many of us fall into the trap of thinking that our lives now are destined to look the way they do for the rest of our days. But transformation in some way is always possible. And that's not blind optimism. It's the objective truth. We have to believe in that truth.

[00:07:48] And articles like this, with examples like Jennifer's, help us to do so. But if this is something you still struggle with, even after hearing this article today, it's definitely worth contemplating the minimalism part of it too. What we don't realize about keeping a lot of stuff around is that psychologically, we do so in an effort to maintain a connection to certain phases of life. Times we don't want to or can't let go of. Our memories really get saturated in these items.

[00:08:17] And the items go on to hold much more significance than we ever intended them to. Or probably realize that they do. So, consider doing some decluttering. And see if doing so gives you more of a jolt into the present. More of a feeling of having a blank slate in front of you. You might be surprised. But okay, that's going to wrap things up for today, everyone. Thank you as always for tuning in and doing something good for your relationships by doing so. Have a great rest of your Saturday.

[00:08:46] And I'll see you again tomorrow for more. Where your optimal life awaits. Where your actual limits. Where your optimal life awaits. Where your optimal life awaits. Careful.