3115: How Can A Parent Find Hope When Their Child Is Suffering? by Allison Carmen on Parenting Advice

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[00:00:55] How can a parent find hope when their child is suffering? By Allison Carmen of AllisonCarman.com Like most people, the key to my emotional suffering is my attachment to what I desire for my life. In the past, if the outcome to a situation wasn't clear, I became negative and worried that the worst-case scenario was on its way. As many of you know, I finally found relief from much of my pain by embracing the philosophy of maybe.

[00:01:24] Like a burst of sunlight, I realized that life could unfold in many ways, and maybe whatever I desired would come to fruition. Maybe something else good would happen. Or maybe I would be okay no matter what. I was able to learn more about my attachment to things happening one way, and I found myself opening up to the entire playing field of life.

[00:01:51] However, I still struggled and suffered with uncertainty in one area of life. Parenting. I am attached to my children. My desire for my children to be well, happy, and peaceful will not waver. I felt the strength of this commitment especially seven weeks ago, when my oldest daughter sustained a head injury. I couldn't stand her pain and suffering, and would have gladly taken it from her and upon myself, but of course I couldn't.

[00:02:21] My desire for her to recover was so deep, it predominated over all other thought. As her healing required rest, I felt her disappointment at having to quit her summer job. My heart sank as she worried whether her memory would fully return. And as she struggled to read because her eyes would not stay on the page. There was no detachment for my heart, and every minute she suffered, I suffered too.

[00:02:45] I remember thinking to myself, where is maybe now when I'm so entrenched in pain and worry? Then a quote that I read a few weeks earlier came to mind. It was, Uncertainty is the Refuge of Hope by Henri Frédéric Amiel. And in that moment, some of my pain went away. I felt some space in my breath and remembered, the unknown is my friend.

[00:03:11] I always believed that my daughter would heal, but my worry was so dense at times that I couldn't feel hope. This quote, and the connection between maybe and uncertainty, fed my spirit with more space for all the possibilities. Maybe her healing would take some time, and that was okay. Maybe she would need therapy to heal. And maybe we would spend more time together as a family during her recovery.

[00:03:37] I found the courage to find the hope in the uncertainty that had proved so hard for me to handle. With maybe, I was able to hold my attachment to the future less tightly, and with more ease and grace. I was able to accept where my daughter was in the healing process, and saw that over time, life would change, and that there was hope for new beginnings and new opportunities for her. Now, seven weeks after her injury, my daughter started her first day of high school.

[00:04:06] Some symptoms remain, but she is expected to make a full recovery. I feel so grateful and blessed in this moment, and hopeful for her future. I realize that my emotional hook to my children's well-being is a tricky place in my search for joy and peace in life. Yet, at least with maybe, I can hold it in a wider place, where there is more room for change, hope, and possibility through the daily challenges of parenting. We all have tough moments in parenting.

[00:04:36] Every parent would take all the pain and disappointment from their children in a minute as their own. Unfortunately, as much as we feel their pain with them, we can't take it from them. But when we realize that most of these painful memories still offer each of us the hope that maybe everything will be okay, our suffering lessens. With maybe, more air enters into the room to help us breathe and get through the challenging times. It gives a more grounded perspective for us and our children for moving forward.

[00:05:06] My heart opens to every parent trying to do the best today for their child. I hope, maybe, can ease your pain and help you to remember that life will keep changing, and so much is possible for each of our children. You just listened to the post titled, How can a parent find hope when their child is suffering? By Allison Carmen of alisoncarmen.com

[00:05:59] Hey, it's Justin from Optimal Living Daily. Before we start, I want to share a super powerful practice I use called NSDR, or Non-Sleep Deep Rest. In just about 10 minutes or so, this Yoga Nidra practice leaves you feeling as refreshed as after a nap without actually sleeping. Experience it for yourself on our guided podcast. Search NSDR and look for the one from Optimal Living Daily.

[00:06:25] And a big thank you to Alison for this post, one that I hope you're able to accept wherever you are. And what I mean when I say that is this. If you are watching your child suffer, or really if you're experiencing anything that you might classify as particularly traumatic, it can be a lot easier to read or listen about someone shifting into this kind of mindset than to do it yourself. It might not seem realistic. It might seem hokey.

[00:06:55] And if that is your interpretation, then you might find yourself getting awfully mad at this type of content that we heard today. Try to catch yourself there. Look, you don't have to be ready to adopt Alison's way of thinking right now upon finishing this article. But at least see if you can entertain the possibility of it. See if you can say to yourself, maybe a mindset shift like this could be helpful for me someday, or for those who are able to make one.

[00:07:23] Remaining open and suspending judgment when it comes to how others are healing can be a great first step when we are grieving or worrying about similar things. So think about that, folks. It's time to wrap up for today and call curtain on another episode of ORD. Thank you so much for tuning in as always and making this episode possible. And I hope to see you again in tomorrow's episode, where your optimal life awaits.