3128: Is Your Child Selfish? 4 Simple Ways To Turn Your Kid Around by Adina Soclof of Parenting Simply on Positive Parenting

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[00:01:00] Ist Ihr Child Selfish? 4 Simple Ways to Turn Your Kid Around. By Adina Sokloff of ParentingSimply.com I met a friend in the supermarket. And she said, I loved your last piece. But next time you write an article, it needs to be for kids, teaching them to see the world through their parents' eyes. I said laughingly, That would never work. But she got me thinking.

[00:01:26] And the more I thought about it, I realized that it is important to teach kids to understand us and our perspective. We do need to instruct our kids on how to put themselves in our shoes. It will help improve their emotional intelligence, have compassion for everyone, regardless of age, and will also aid them in respecting us and recognizing our position as authority figures in their lives. Teaching our kids to see our perspective is not an easy task. It can be compounded by the fact that kids seem so selfish.

[00:01:56] In their worst moments, we can't imagine that they would ever be able to see our point of view. But it can and needs to be done. Teaching kids to see the world from an adult's point of view is just another one of those life lessons that we need to impart to our kids. We need to start young. Most importantly, we do not need to be punitive in order to do the job right. It's tough though. Parents, me included, have a hard time overlooking our kids' self-centered behaviors.

[00:02:26] We tend to come down on them, and hard. Take these examples. It can be pretty frustrating when you finally sit down to dinner and your child says, Ma, there's no ketchup on the table. I know it takes a lot of self-control to keep myself from yelling or lecturing, Really? I can't believe you. I just sat down to eat. Do you know how long I've been working to get dinner on the table? Get it yourself. It can also be challenging when you're ready to leave for an important appointment,

[00:02:54] and your child refuses to go and is getting ready to launch into a full-scale temper tantrum. We are right when we think, Really? This kid is so inconsiderate and clueless. But it's helpful to know that kids do not want to misbehave. They're usually just acting normally for their age. Young children don't always act in a positive way because they are truly egocentric. Developmentally, they are not always able to see things from the viewpoint of an adult or even another child.

[00:03:24] It's a stretch for them to imagine how another person may feel or think. They've just begun to make sense of their own thoughts and feelings. They haven't had enough life experiences. Even teens have a hard time. They haven't matured enough to put themselves in the shoes of another person. So, what can we do to help kids see our point of view? Here are four ways to help kids gain perspective, learn compassion for the adults in their lives, and teach kids to respect us.

[00:03:53] 1. Empathy Empathizing with kids and respecting their negative feelings is truly the best way to teach our kids to see our perspective. When we empathize and reflect their feelings, they learn to name their own emotions. Ironically, this is the first step in helping them understand and sense the feelings of others. When kids are upset, we can say the following. You seem sad. You seem angry. You look frustrated.

[00:04:21] Naming their feelings helps kids to become emotionally literate and comfortable with their wide range of emotions. This will give them the language they need to be supportive and compassionate to others. 2. An ounce of prevention The best way to teach kids to see our perspective is to let them know beforehand what our needs are and what's expected of them. When I sit down to dinner, I need to eat without getting up again. After I'm finished, I can help you. Or you need to help yourself.

[00:04:51] Today, we have an important doctor's appointment. I'm going to need all the cooperation you have. When I tell you it's time to leave, we're going to have to go right away. You might want to prepare a book or a game to take with you. 3. Teach them gently When I'm in the middle of a serious bout of multitasking, cooking dinner, making arrangements for a play date on the phone, five minutes before I have to rush out to do carpool, the last thing I want to hear from my child is,

[00:05:19] Mom, I like this sweater in this catalog. Can you order it for me? I usually need to take a deep breath and remind myself that this child cannot read my mind. I need to tell her what I'm going through and help her see my predicament. I can say without sarcasm, Honey, take a look at me for a second. What do you see? I'm cooking dinner. I'm talking on the phone. And I have to leave in five minutes to do carpool. I cannot help you right now.

[00:05:48] Actually, I can use some help from you. Here's a carrot that needs to be peeled. I would love to look at that catalog later on tonight. The worst is when I'm carrying packages of groceries in from the car, and my son starts asking, Mom, I didn't have any lunch. Can you make me lunch and then drive me to Sammy? Again, I need to take a deep breath. I need to remind myself that he really does not mean to be selfish. He really can't see that I need help.

[00:06:17] And then I can say, Honey, take a look at me for a second. What do you see? I'm carrying in packages. This is the time for you to ask me if I need help. And I do. There are some more packages that need to be brought in from the car. And after that, we will talk about lunch and Sammy. As we mentioned before, the best way to teach them is to let them know what's expected of them. As soon as we get home, I'm going to need to cook dinner.

[00:06:45] I also have to make a phone call and then run out to pick up your brother's carpool. I'm going to need all the help you can give me for the next 20 minutes. Guys, I'm going to the supermarket. I'll be home in about a half an hour. I'll need some help unloading packages from the car. I would appreciate it if you could come right when I call. And number four, role model. Another way we can teach our kids to put themselves in our shoes is to role model compassion for others. We can say,

[00:07:14] It looks like daddy had a rough day. He looks like he can use a hug and a kiss. We need to let him relax tonight. Grandma is feeling a little sad tonight. Her friend is not well. Let's see if we can cheer her up. Teaching kids to see our point of view can be a bit tricky. Hopefully, by empathizing, preparing them in advance, teaching them gently and role modeling, we can do just that. You just listened to the post titled

[00:07:43] Is your child selfish? Four simple ways to turn your kid around. By Adina Sokloff of ParentingSimply.com

[00:08:19] Okay, and thank you so much to Adina for this podcast. I think all parents can relate to a lot of what she's talking about here. A lot of those examples of dialogue and how easy it can be to lose our patience when faced with those interactions. And in these types of moments, one thing that might be important for parents to keep in mind is reciprocity. Not only can we equip ourselves with the right words to say when reading an article like this one, but we might also make an effort to remember our own childhoods

[00:08:49] and how we lacked patience and selflessness and identify with our kids' needs and wants the same way that we would like them to identify with ours. It's not always the easiest thing to do, but it is yet another way of helping them help you, if you will. You're meeting them where they're at, respecting that position, and thus better grooming them to do the same. So, keep that in mind, everybody, as we wrap up another parenting episode here on ORD.

[00:09:16] As always, I thank you so much for coming and making another episode possible. I also thank you for choosing to do right by your relationships today by tuning in. Have a great rest of your day, and I'll talk to you again tomorrow, where your optimal life awaits.