3142: [Part 2] How To Love Yourself Unconditionally, Even When You're Suffering by Sabrina of The Budding Optimist on Emotional Freedom

[00:00:00] Hey, it's Justin from Optimal Living Daily. Before we start, I want to share a super powerful practice I use called NSDR or Non-Sleep Deep Rest. In just about 10 minutes or so, this Yoga Nidra practice leaves you feeling as refreshed as after a nap without actually sleeping. Experience it for yourself on our guided podcast. Search NSDR and look for the one from Optimal Living Daily.

[00:00:26] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, How To Love Yourself Unconditionally Even When Youre Suffering, Part 2, by Sabrina of Budding Optimist. Next, I turned my focus to what I could control.

[00:00:41] When youre suffering, it feels like everything is out of your control. It certainly felt that way for me. My body was breaking down. There were days when I could barely muster enough energy to sit up. I felt, besides placing my faith in the doctors and a plethora of medications and procedures, there was little else I could do. On top of that, I couldn't go anywhere due to an extremely compromised immune system. Even when I did go out to places other than the hospital on those rare occasions, I could do.

[00:01:11] I didn't have the strength to do much. But surprisingly, that was when I discovered how much power I really had. After hearing some much-needed words of advice from a nurse, I started to take small steps in changing my mindset and my daily routines. Instead of focusing on what I didn't have control over, I concentrated on things within my control. And they were little things. Things you probably never think about and just do on autopilot.

[00:01:38] Things that seemed so insignificant, and yet made all the difference in the world. For example, instead of sleeping until whenever I felt like getting up, I made sure I got up at the same time every morning. No matter how I felt, whether nauseous, tired, sad, or scared, I would brush my teeth and wash my face. In the afternoon, I would make myself take a hot shower like clockwork.

[00:02:03] Even if all I could do was lay on my bed for the rest of the day, I felt I had accomplished something. I felt I still had control, however meager it was, over my day. And then I took it a step further. I started to exercise. At first, just 15 minutes of walking at a leisurely pace at a time. Then 20 minutes. Then 30 minutes. An hour.

[00:02:26] I gradually increased the duration and intensity of my exercise routine until I could swim, hike, and even play dodgeball. Exercise gave me a great sense of purpose. In my mind, I was not a cancer sufferer any longer, but a cancer warrior. Even if the day was off to a horrible start, I had the choice to put on my runners and be that warrior. I also developed a keen interest in alternative medicine and learned how to cope with minor ailments.

[00:02:56] Anything and everything from lingering coughs, tension headaches, and chronic heartburn to stiff neck and shoulders through these practices. Even if I was in pain, I had the comfort of knowing I had the ability to make myself feel better. Once I saw the positive effects of everything I was doing, I started to believe in me. This sense of agency propelled me ever closer to unconditional self-love. Finally, I learned to see life through a gains perspective.

[00:03:25] The change that made the most impact in my journey towards unconditional self-love was when I finally learned to see things from a gains perspective. It completely changed the way I think about myself and the world around me. Before I had cancer, I was never the kind of person who would count my blessings. If you told the 19-year-old me to look for the silver lining, I would have smiled politely with my good Asian manners and rolled my eyes inside.

[00:03:52] After all, what could possibly be the bright side of having a broken home, student loans, and acne that plagued me since 12? To make matters worse, I got the cancer diagnosis just a few months after my 19th birthday. After months of chemo and a year-long recovery, I made it back on my feet only to have cancer knock me down again. While I was undergoing treatment after the relapse, my mother, who was taking care of me at the time, lost her job.

[00:04:19] If I had considered myself unlucky in life before my 19th birthday, I felt downright cursed for everything that happened after. But, in the months and years that followed, I experienced a profound shift in thinking that I didn't think was even possible, especially during a time when I couldn't be more down and out. I started to think I was lucky. I felt like a winner in this game of life. And it was all because of my suffering.

[00:04:47] Suffering is like a pot of stew simmering on the stove. It condenses everything in life, the good moments and the bad, into its most intense forms and flavors. Yes, there were bitter lows that made me question whether I could ever be happy again. But it was also these moments that made the highs taste extra sweet. Like the moment the doctors told me they found a stem cell match for me. I realized how miraculous it was for me to be alive in the first place.

[00:05:14] And even more mind-blowing to have had a second chance at life when many others were not so fortunate. Once I had this epiphany, I started to intentionally pay attention to the small victories in life, no matter how tiny they were. A warm smile from a stranger, a good laugh with friends, or another day with my family. Instead of ruminating over the things I've lost because of cancer, I learned to open my eyes to the rewards I've gained.

[00:05:40] And this gains perspective has helped me cultivate a deeper appreciation for myself than ever before. With this perspective, I don't dwell on my mistakes, my flaws, and my worries as much as I used to anymore. Instead, I have more room for self-compassion and self-love. How you can learn to love yourself unconditionally If you want to love yourself unconditionally, you have to first stop picking at old wounds.

[00:06:07] You have to let go of the painful things that have happened to you, the self-blame and the poor me mentality. I know it must have been difficult, life-changing perhaps, unfathomable even. But dwelling on the past won't solve anything. You have to recognize how much inner strength you have. A lot of things may be out of your control, but not everything is. Don't think for a second that you're helpless.

[00:06:32] And you have to start seeing the glass is half-full, even if it seems impossible at first. The gains perspective is like one of those hidden image optical illusions that at first makes you scratch your head and go, I don't see it. But with practice, you will get better at it, I promise. And once you do, you will realize you're a winner. Always have been since the moment you came into life. If you're currently in a period of suffering, loving yourself can feel out of reach.

[00:07:00] But if anything, I hope my story has inspired some hope in you of what is possible. We can learn to love ourselves unconditionally no matter what the circumstances may be. It just takes some practice. So let's practice together. You just listened to part two of the post titled, How to Love Yourself Unconditionally Even When You're Suffering by Sabrina of Budding Optimist

[00:07:29] And a terrific back half of this post from Sabrina. Thanks so much to her. I think a lot of the best self-help and psychology teachers out there will always guide others to get familiar and comfortable with struggle, rather than to avoid it completely. And I couldn't agree more with this notion. And this article goes a step further to really supplement it. In being willing to explore life's challenges, whether they are escapable, like a person you're trying to avoid having a tough conversation with,

[00:07:58] or inescapable, like cancer, not only do we build strength and durability and learn lessons, but we also put ourselves in the best positions to completely shift our mindsets for the better. With something as serious as a cancer diagnosis, life is immediately put into a new perspective. Prior troubles could instantaneously drop in their severity, and you're invited to see life anew. Even when it comes to small, more avoidable problems, however,

[00:08:26] the same opportunity exists in traces. Getting into a regular habit of leaning into challenges in the moment and welcoming them with curiosity is a surefire way to constantly change your perspective of what's really an interruption in your life, which in turn helps you develop more appreciation. So thanks again to Sabrina for sharing her powerful story. And I think I speak for everyone when I say how happy I am that she's been able to turn such a horrible, difficult situation into a truly better life for herself.

[00:08:56] We're done for now though, everyone. Thank you so much for listening to this long post across the last two episodes. I hope you all feel more of an invitation to embrace all of what life has to offer. Lots more left on ORD this week as always, so come on back and join me tomorrow for more, where I'll have another great post for you, and where your optimal life awaits.