3156: You Care About So Much - But Do You Really by Ingrid Y. Helander on Emotional Freedom

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[00:00:58] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. You care about so much, but do you really? By Ingrid Y. Hellander of IngridYHellanderLMFT.com. If you find you worry about your loved ones and priorities in life, you may want to take a second look. The act of worrying may be the only way you express care about someone or something important to you. Think about it.

[00:01:27] How often do you worry about things you don't care about? Probably not at all. Do these examples sound familiar? You care about your children, so you worry about them. I'm worried. My child isn't eating well. The school is not setting my child up to succeed. My son is hanging out with the wrong friends. You care about your child. You care about your child. You care about yourself, so you worry. I'm worried that if I don't make this deadline, I'm going to be fired.

[00:01:54] My co-workers don't like me. I'll be late to work tomorrow. You care about yourself, and you worry. I'm worried that my relationship with my partner will fail. I'll never get that dream job I've always wanted. My bad habits won't stop. Others don't find me attractive. My past and present and future are just not right. You even use worry as a sort of charged reminder to get important things done.

[00:02:22] I'm worried because my car is due for an oil change. I still haven't called the doctor. It's 6 o'clock, and I don't know what to make for dinner. Some of my clients spend hours a day worrying about their finances, but can never bring themselves to actually look at them. They think, I cannot stand to look at the checkbook. Instead, they worry about it because it matters so much to them. And I have great compassion for this thinking because I did it for literally years.

[00:02:52] Do you see how worrying so often replaces authentic doing and being? I believe you have learned to use a part of your nervous system and personality that is not as effective for caring. This way of obsessing or feeling anxious replaces really looking at someone or something and offering genuine love and care. And here's the thing. If you're worrying about something, you're really not fully caring.

[00:03:20] I know that sounds harsh and that your intentions are from the heart, but worry creates a compulsive, diluted version of caring. Worry stirs up your nervous system and creates a disconnected, agitated state inside of you. Then your anxious energy reaches out toward those you most care about. Worry only adds pain and struggle to you and those around you.

[00:03:44] Over time, you have likely developed the compulsive inverse belief that if I don't worry, it means I don't care. You worry because you care. But worrying is not the same thing as caring. Caring involves genuine attention, sometimes action, and loving intentions toward someone or something. In her Huffington Post blog article, Worrying vs. Caring, Do You Know the Difference? Donna Levi says,

[00:04:12] When we worry about someone or something, we direct our energy toward the situation. We are, in fact, putting fear and doubt into an already shaky state of affairs. Worrying actually burns out your positive energy in order to feel like you are caring about the people and things that you care about. I was raised on worry. My mom, whom I adore, would often express her love for her children, for her grandchildren, for my dad, by worrying about us.

[00:04:42] She would sometimes even worry to the point of superstition. I remember one day my mom called me to ask if my kids might bite into the Christmas lights in the window. I remember she said to me, I was worried that if I didn't say anything about it, something might happen. Does this sound familiar? Do the parts of you that worry feel that overthinking is absolutely essential to preventing bad things from happening?

[00:05:06] Since you are a caring individual, how can you interrupt this painful, exhausting cycle and begin to effectively feel and express how much you care? Here are four tools to help you build true caring. Information People who worry have bright minds and big hearts. Deep down, they really care. So, what is really going on inside when we worry? What exactly is worry?

[00:05:35] What messages cycle through your mind when you feel this way? Unfortunately, telling you to stop worrying doesn't help, because it doesn't provide you with any useful information. And information is the first thing we must gather to break this stressed out cycle. Think about specific things you worry about. What is the story you are telling yourself when you worry? What do the parts of you that worry think will happen if they simply stopped thinking in this way?

[00:06:02] Because we so often equate worry with caring, those worrying parts of you might feel like, if I don't worry, I don't care. But remember, worrying is a one-dimensional replacement for caring. So, collect some information. Be honest with yourself. When do you worry? What do you worry about? What do I believe might happen if I stopped worrying about something I love or consider important? Sensation

[00:06:31] Information alone cannot solve this deeply held neurological pattern in your body. That is not because you are broken. It just makes sense. No part of you is going to comply with some external information. After you gather some honest data from yourself, you need to develop some authentic understanding surrounding your thoughts and feelings. With all that useful information you have already gathered as support, ask yourself, how do I feel the worry slash caring in my body?

[00:07:01] And what is it saying to me? After you gather information and deepen your understanding of the roots of your worry, you can begin to use curiosity and recognize the sensation of that caring in your body. The physical sensation of worry in the body is so important because worry doesn't simply occur in your brain. It happens in your entire body. To objectively feel the sensation of your worry is to begin a relationship with it.

[00:07:28] When you can feel the difference between worry and care, you can recognize worry for what it is and interrupt the cycle of being hijacked by your worried parts. Integration Once you have moved toward the awareness of sensation, you will begin to integrate all that you now understand and feel into your daily lives. Start to think of someone with obsessive anxiety rather than loving care. Notice it and take a breath. Recognize your stuck thoughts.

[00:07:58] Step back and see what you can do to help. You can now have a new practice for your thoughts and feelings, in which you do not defeat yourselves and others around you. But you offer genuine compassion and clarity instead. This will become natural the more you practice, integrating a new way of being that feels better. What will you do with your time, your mind, your body, when you finally calm your worried parts?

[00:08:24] You'll find you have much more energy to offer true care to the things that matter to you. Inspiration And here is when inspiration comes into the picture. This is the really exciting part. Inspiration is all about intuition and action. Having done your inner work, you can now truly feel and act on all of the things you care so much about. I'm not saying there won't be times when worry still creeps in. You are human after all.

[00:08:51] But when you gather information, develop understanding, gain awareness of your sensations, and integrate what you know and understand into each moment, you gain the freedom to share inspiration and genuine love. I've spent so much time and energy worrying in my life. And that's okay. Worrying is natural. It can even be useful to a degree. But worrying gets in the way of truly caring.

[00:09:18] And to be able to express true care about the things that matter to us is what we really all want deep down. I assure you that it is absolutely within your reach. And the world beyond worry is so worth the effort. You just listened to the post titled, You Care About So Much, But Do You Really? By Ingrid Y. Hellander of Ingrid Y. Hellander LMFT.com

[00:09:50] FX's American Horror Story returns for an unrivaled 13th installment. With the iconic horrors you love to fear and an all-star cast reprising fan-favorite roles, light your candles, draw your pentagrams, and prepare for a supreme surprise. FX's American Horror Story 13. Now streaming on Hulu.

[00:10:18] Thinking about refreshing the carpet in your home? Now's the time to do it. For a limited time at the Home Depot, get 10% off installed carpet projects on trusted brands like LifeProof, LifeProof with PetProof Technology, Home Decorators Collection, and Traffic Master. Plus, with installation starting at just 49 cents per square foot, upgrading your space is more affordable than ever at the Home Depot. Offer valid September 24th, 2026 through October 4th, 2026. Exclusions apply. For licenses, see homedepot.com slash license numbers.

[00:10:48] And what an important distinction made in this post by Ingrid. Such a powerful realization to see worry as, you know, not necessarily separate from love, but a form of expressing love that really takes away from better means of doing so, I guess. She's right in that when we worry, we take so much out of our tanks emotionally, and certainly lose out on time to fully appreciate our loved ones in the present.

[00:11:16] I'll leave you with a memorable quote from Ryan Holiday, who is an author and sort of modern-day philosopher, for those who haven't heard of him. Not that this is a quote exactly, but when talking about Stoicism and how he integrates it into his daily life, he said that each night when he puts his children to bed, he really tries to channel his love and appreciation by remembering that this could be the last time he sees them. Now, some might find this morbid or uncomfortable.

[00:11:45] Others, like myself, would first think of it as honest. But what he's doing is plunging himself into the present with such aggression that he's able to be, he's able to truly be with and be grateful for his children. And I think that that idea pairs really nicely with Ingrid's words today. So, on that note, I hope this post has left you with some stuff to think about. It sure has for me. I'm glad you joined today, and I really hope you do the same tomorrow for another episode of ORD.

[00:12:15] That's where your optimal life awaits.