3157: The Art and Science of Making Great First Impressions by Tyler Tervooren of Riskology on Dating Confidence

[00:00:00] This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mom's bag has everything? Sunscreen? Snacks? A stapler? The new PayPal app is like that, but for your money. Shop, pay, manage your account, and earn rewards all in one place. And with purchase protection on eligible items, biometric security, and pass keys, you're protected at every step. Download the new PayPal app to get started. See paypal.com slash protection terms.

[00:00:28] Chronic migraine is 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more. Botox, onabotulinum toxin A, prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine before they start. It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month. It prevents on average eight to nine headache days a month versus six to seven for placebo. Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness can be signs of alertness.

[00:00:58] Life-threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue, and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms, and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis, or Lambert-Eaton syndrome, and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects.

[00:01:22] Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit Botoxchronicmigraine.com, or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more. This is Optimal Relationships Daily, the art and science of making great first impressions, by Tyler Tervooren of Riskology.co. You probably don't realize as you're doing it. I don't. But every day, you quietly judge the people you meet.

[00:01:47] You look for clues that will tell you what type of person they are, if they're confident in themselves, and whether you can trust them. And everyone you meet is doing the same to you. Have you ever met someone a few times and thought, I really should like this person, but I don't. That's the first impression at work. Something about the way they presented themselves to you in the first few moments of meeting triggered a negative response from your subconscious brain. And try as you might, you can't shake it.

[00:02:16] As you've probably heard at some point in a fight with a loved one, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. The majority of the communication you have with people around you is non-verbal, your body language. And you'd hardly be alone if you don't have a clue what I'm saying most of the time. Today, that changes. And your relationships change with it. How a first impression can change your life. Recent research has shown you actually can change a first impression.

[00:02:44] But it's incredibly hard and it takes a long time. When you meet someone, you create a rule in your brain for them. If it's negative, you might say, Joe is mean. From there on out, Joe is mean always. At least in your mind. If you see Joe again at a party and realize he's actually a nice guy, you will register that. But instead of changing the rule, your brain builds an exception. Joe is nice. At parties. He's mean everywhere else.

[00:03:13] If Joe just met you on a bad day and is actually a good guy, he'll have to spend a lifetime building up a series of exceptions to your rule. I can see this at work in my life. I have friends of friends that I'm happy to be around in certain situations, but plenty of others where I'd rather not see them. Logically, if my friends who I think are great think someone else is great, I should probably agree with them. But that's not how the brain works.

[00:03:40] If you can hang on to an undeserved bad impression, though, you can also hang on to a good one. Believing someone is great, even though they've demonstrated over and over, they aren't simply because you saw their bright side at the beginning. That's how people end up staying in terrible relationships, and why you have that one friend you always have to apologize for. Whatever the case, you see how important it is to make a good first impression. Whatever impression you make on someone,

[00:04:09] you'll spend a lifetime building exceptions to their rule, but never changing it. So, why not make a great one from the start? Life will be a lot easier. The million-dollar question, of course, is, how do you do that? Glad you asked. The Ingredients of a Great First Impression Hundreds of studies have been done on human relationships and forming impressions. The intricacies of the science are many, but there are a few things almost all the research has agreed works,

[00:04:38] like some sort of magic spell to cement a good impression of you in the eyes of the people you meet. You'll notice many of them are correlated with displaying high self-confidence. 1. Strong, but not too strong, Eye Contact One of the most intimate things everyone will notice about you is your eyes. More specifically, your eye contact. The way you look at someone when you meet will instantly convey significant information about you.

[00:05:05] And according to the research, strong eye contact equals good. In fact, at least 12 different studies have found job candidates who made strong, lasting eye contact when meeting their interviewer were judged higher and offered jobs more often. This is because eye contact is viewed as a sign of self-confidence, and that triggers the brain's trust response. But, eye contact can also be tricky. You want to look people in the eye, but you don't want to stare at them.

[00:05:35] Staring is universally seen as aggressive. The best thing to do is to look someone in the eye when you greet them, and then return regularly to short but noticeable lengths of eye contact. Don't try to hold eye contact through a full conversation. That would be weird. 2. Firm Handshake A study in 2008 of the effect of handshakes on employability found people who had stronger handshakes were seen as more favorable candidates for a job because they came across more confident and trustworthy.

[00:06:05] Another study, at Ohio Wesleyan University, identified three factors of what actually makes for a good handshake. Firm. A good handshake should be firm, but not hand-crushing. Warm. Warm. A warm hand signals a warm personality, and a cold one signals a cold personality. That is ridiculous, but it's how our brains operate by association. Dry. A dry hand means you're not sweaty or clammy. Not being sweaty means you're calm,

[00:06:34] and being calm indicates confidence. Before you shake someone's hand, warm it up, dry it off on your clothes, and remember to squeeze. 3. A voice of authority Here's an interesting thing about humans. Our voices change predictably as we enter high or low power scenarios. So, what makes for a confident tone of voice? The research says it's a bit lower, less sing-songy, and more dynamic, a greater range of loud and quiet.

[00:07:04] 4. Similar dress This is where a lot of typical advice gets it wrong. Read almost any style or career article, and the advice is to dress to impress. Put on the best clothes you've got to make a good first impression. The reality is not so true. Dressing well can give you the perception of authority, which is useful in many situations, but it won't necessarily help you make a great first impression. So what does?

[00:07:31] The science says it's dressing similarly to the person you're meeting. When it comes to making a warm and welcoming first impression, people want to know that you are like them, not better than them. One of the quickest ways to tell is to look at the clothes you wear. 5. Good hygiene In some situations This is another place where the generic advice columns often get it slightly wrong. They say to always keep yourself as clean as possible. It's not bad advice.

[00:08:00] You'll do better keeping yourself neat than you will otherwise. But the truth is the importance of hygiene for a good impression is actually situation dependent. Here's what we know. It's important to keep your home clean. People with clean homes are viewed as more agreeable, conscientious, and intelligent. You can get away with being a little slovenly, but only if you speak eloquently. And the cleanliness of your mouth is super important, especially if you're speaking with the opposite sex.

[00:08:28] The best advice is to keep yourself clean, particularly your mouth and your home, if you're having guests over. But you may be forgiven if you hit the other points well. 6. Open posture The way you stand will play a part in how you're perceived. Researchers at the University of Texas found that people can very accurately guess nine different personality traits about you just by the way you hold your body.

[00:08:53] Standing in an open, relaxed posture, chin up, arms at your side, back straight, signals that you're a warm and friendly person. When you hunch over or make yourself small, you invite the subconscious of the person you're meeting to wonder if you lack confidence or have something to hide. If you have the habit of folding your arms or hunching, a quick way to check yourself is to focus on taking deep breaths into your stomach. Your stomach will comfortably expand when you're standing tall and open.

[00:09:20] If you notice any discomfort or that your stomach is hitting your arms as you breathe, that's your cue to straighten yourself out. 30-second recap Now you understand six of the most studied characteristics of making a great first impression. There is a lot to learn, and you're probably asking, Okay, that's great, but how am I supposed to remember all this every time I meet someone? You really don't have to remember that much. And if you keep it front of mind for even a week, you'll start to internalize many of these actions.

[00:09:51] To recap, first impressions are made almost instantly, and they stick for a lifetime, but you can slowly alter them. To make the best first impression in almost any situation, you'll want to Make eye contact, but don't stare Shake with a firm, warm, and dry hand Make your voice more authoritative Dress similarly to the person you're meeting Keep yourself tidy, especially your teeth And stand tall with an open posture

[00:10:23] You just listened to the post titled The Art and Science of Making Great First Impressions By Tyler Tervooren Of Riskology.co This episode is brought to you by PayPal You know how a mom's bag has everything? Sunscreen Snacks A stapler? The new PayPal app is like that, but for your money Shop, pay, manage your account, and earn rewards all in one place

[00:10:49] And with purchase protection on eligible items, biometric security, and pass keys You're protected at every step Download the new PayPal app to get started See paypal.com slash protection terms Chronic migraine is 15 or more headache days a month Each lasting 4 hours or more Botox, onabotulinum toxin A Prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine Before they start It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month It prevents on average 8 to 9 headache days a month Versus 6 to 7 for placebo

[00:11:18] Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection Causing serious symptoms Alert your doctor right away As difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing Eye problems, or muscle weakness Can be signs of a life-threatening condition Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk Side effects may include allergic reactions Neck and injection site pain, fatigue, and headache Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms, and dizziness Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection Tell your doctor your medical history Muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS-Lou Gehrig's disease

[00:11:48] Myasthenia gravis or Lambert-Eaton syndrome And medications, including botulinum toxins As these may increase the risk of serious side effects Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com Or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more Okay, and such a great and informative post from Tyler today I love that we had a chance to share this one And touch upon a really niche aspect of relationships It's been a long post, so I won't go on for too long in my commentary But if I might add a couple of things to this list

[00:12:17] Which I cannot verify whether or not they're backed by research I always find myself feeling great after meeting people who show curiosity and ask questions Yeah, it's no secret that we love talking about ourselves And having our hard work or our beliefs acknowledged Of course, this is true to varying degrees for different people But if you can meet someone and show genuine interest in getting to know them And understanding for what they are passionate about That can go a really long way

[00:12:46] Shared interests are wonderful too But even then, showing true curiosity about how the person you are meeting Assesses the interest is really special And the time will come for them to ask you a bit about your experience with that interest too Don't worry So, that will do it for today Thank you so much to Tyler And thanks to all of you for being here His work, again, is featured on a lot of other shows in the network So be sure to check those out But for now, we are going to wrap up And look forward to another post tomorrow That's where your optimal life awaits