3160: [Part 1] Game Plan for Peaceful Parenting Your Teen by Dr. Laura Markham of Peaceful Parent Happy Kids on Raising Teens

[00:00:00] Hey, it's Justin from Optimal Living Daily. Before we start, I want to share a super powerful practice I use called NSDR or Non-Sleep Deep Rest. In just about 10 minutes or so, this Yoga Nidra practice leaves you feeling as refreshed as after a nap without actually sleeping. Experience it for yourself on our guided podcast. Search NSDR and look for the one from Optimal Living Daily.

[00:00:24] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Game Plan for Peaceful Parenting Your Teen, Part 1, by Dr. Laura Markham of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com. Peaceful parenting a teenager? A terrific teen who's responsible, considerate, shows good judgment, at least most of the time? Yes, it is possible. Here's your game plan with some essential tips.

[00:00:50] You may not feel like you have much influence on your child these days, but teens' behavior is highly correlated with the strength of the bonds with their parents. Good relationships between teenagers and their parents, as rated by both, are positively correlated with school success and general happiness, as rated by the teen, and also by those around her.

[00:01:11] By contrast, weak or conflictual parent-teen relationships are correlated with early physical intimacy, experimentation with narcotics and alcohol, the teen's involvement in violence as either the perpetrator or victim, and suicide. How do you parent this blossoming person who sometimes seems to be becoming a stranger? 1. Remember you're a parent and a friend.

[00:01:39] Teens crave the security of knowing their parents understand them, appreciate them, and love them no matter what, so they don't want their relationship to be a form of friendship. But they also need to feel like they have some independence, so sometimes you may feel a bit shut out. If you can navigate your closeness in an accepting way that doesn't take advantage of your role as a parent to tell your child what to do, he's more likely to open up and share with you. 2. Does a close friendship erode your teen's respect for you?

[00:02:09] No. Don't you respect your friends and treasure those who are really there for you emotionally? If you offer your teen respect, consideration, and authenticity, that's what you'll receive in return. And as close as you want to be to your teen, sometimes you will have to pull rank and say no. If you're doing it often, that's a red flag that something is wrong. But sometimes your teen will be looking to you to set limits that they can't set for themselves.

[00:02:37] Sometimes you'll need to stick by your values and say no, whether that's to an unsupervised party or a very late bedtime. And of course, sometimes your teen will be able to use your guidance to come up with a win-win solution that answers your concerns. 2. Establish dependable together time. Be sure to check in every single day.

[00:02:59] A few minutes of conversation while you're cleaning up after dinner or right before bedtime can keep you tuned in and establish open communication. Even teens who seem to have forgotten who their parents are the other 23 hours a day often respond well to a goodnight hug and check-in chat once they're lounging in bed. In addition to these short daily check-ins, establish a regular weekly routine for doing something special with your teen, even if it's just going out for ice cream or a walk together.

[00:03:28] 3. Parent actively and appropriately. Don't invite rebellion by refusing to acknowledge that your son or daughter is growing up and needs more freedom. But don't be afraid to ask where your kids are going, who they'll be with, and what they'll be doing. Get to know your kids' friends and their parents so you're familiar with their activities. 4. Try to be there after school.

[00:03:53] The biggest danger zone for activities you don't want your child to partake in isn't Saturday night. It's between 3 and 6 p.m. on weekdays. Arrange flex time at work if you can. If your child will be with friends, make sure there's adult supervision, not just an older sibling. 5. Keep your standards high. Your teen wants to be his or her best self. Our job as parents is to support our teens in doing that.

[00:04:21] But don't expect your child to achieve goals you decide for her. She needs to begin charting her own goals now, with the support of a parent who adores her just as she is, and believes that she can do anything she aims to. Support your teen's passions and explorations as she finds her unique voice. 7. Keep the lines of communication humming. If you don't know what's going on, you lose all hope of influencing the outcome. 8. Encourage good self-care.

[00:04:51] Such as the 9.5 hours of sleep every teen needs, and a good diet. Coffee is a bad idea for early teens, because it interferes with normal sleep patterns. Too much screen time, especially in the hour before bedtime, reduces melatonin production, and makes it harder for kids to fall asleep at night. To be continued, you just listened to part 1 of the post titled,

[00:05:19] Game Plan for Peaceful Parenting Your Teen, by Dr. Laura Markham of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com. And thanks so much to Dr. Laura for a great part 1, which so far has provided a really well-written and comprehensive guide to parenting teenagers. Now, one particularly helpful idea presented is the concept of parents being both a parent and a friend to their teenagers. Now, I imagine some parents might take exception to this based on their parenting philosophy,

[00:05:48] but for many others, I think that this dual role is essential for fostering open communication and understanding, which are crucial during adolescence and the many different changes that come with it. Being a parent-friend hybrid addresses the teen's need for independence, while also providing the necessary guidance and support, right? Dr. Laura is right in mentioning that this does not erode respect. Instead, it builds mutual respect and trust.

[00:06:17] This approach is beneficial, as it encourages teens to share their thoughts and feelings more openly, knowing that they're understood and not judged harshly. Not to mention that it helps in setting appropriate boundaries, where parents can still exert authority when they need to, but in a way that is respectful to the teenager's growing autonomy. So, when it's done correctly, it strikes a really nice balance between being overly controlling and too permissive. But there is a lot more to get through tomorrow,

[00:06:48] so consider what you've heard today and get ready for the rest in part 2. I hope to see you there, everyone, where your optimal life awaits.