3169: What's Right With Twenty-Somethings? by Dr. Jack Stoltzfus of Parents Letting Go on Parenting Young Adults

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[00:00:58] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. What's right with 20-somethings? By Dr. Jack Stoltzfus of Parents Letting Go. A few months ago, I posted an article decrying the problem of 20-something young adults. It was a bit tongue-in-cheek, but I cringe at the unbalanced perspective. Google 20-somethings, and you will see a considerable denigration of this generation.

[00:01:25] So, I would like to set the record straight, or, at a minimum, bring some balance to the tendency to trash young adults as entitled, spoiled, and lazy. One study showed the older one gets, the more negative the attitude toward the younger generation. Geoffrey Arnett, a professor at Clark University, coined,

[00:01:48] Emerging adults, to describe individuals between the ages of 18 and 29, rather than terms like kids or young adults. I like this term, because it acknowledges that this group is in the process of becoming adults. Historically, developmental psychologists like Erickson saw development as moving from adolescence to adults with no interim phase.

[00:02:12] This may have been true in the past when adolescents had to assume work, marriage, and family responsibilities at an early age. In the 60s, the age of males when first getting married was 23, and females 21. Today, the age of first marriage for males is close to 30, and for females, 28. This finding is a good thing. Better to figure out who you are and where you are going in life before settling in with a partner.

[00:02:39] We also know from recent brain research that the executive function responsible for reasoning continues to develop into the mid-20s. So, let's give these emerging adults some credit for not getting married in the early 20s with half a brain, as some of us did. We can also see the benefits of this trend in reduced divorce rates compared to high points in the 80s.

[00:03:03] But, there are other reasons to recognize these emerging adults or challenge the popular myths about this generation. Millennials and Gen Zers Incidentally, emerging adults, ages 18 to 29, cut across two generations. Millennials and Gen Zers Although there are some differences between the two generations, my experience is that there are no significant differences between the two groups,

[00:03:30] especially the young Millennials and the Gen Zers. We must be cautious about making generalizations about emerging young adults. I have found that older Millennials despise being called Millennials. One characteristic of Millennials, which I will assume continues with Gen Zers, is that work ethic is not in the top five values, unlike past generations. My son, a Millennial by certain definitions, has been highly goal-oriented, driven to achieve and get his medical degree,

[00:04:00] would not fit this statistic, and rightfully eschews being identified as such. In a recent webinar with Dr. Arnett, he addressed some myths about emerging adults that are worth highlighting. Dispelling Common Myths One myth is that emerging adults are selfish. There is some research done on the perceived narcissism of teens and young adults, and the finding was that this was more of a function of this age period than unique to any generation.

[00:04:29] We were as self-centered in our late teens and early 20s as any group today. But Dr. Arnett, in his research, argues that this age group is not so much selfish, but self-focused. These emerging adults describe the importance of finding a fulfilling career. As such, they change jobs 10 times between 18 and 29. They are pretty idealistic and want to make a difference in the world.

[00:04:56] They embrace work-life balance so they have time with friends and family, and do not sell out to the company 24-7. Over 60% of Millennials believe it is their responsibility to have elderly parents come to live with them. Contrast this with 25% of Boomers who believe it is their responsibility to have elderly parents come live with them. This finding is that today's young adults are closer to their parents than in past generations. Another myth is that they are entitled.

[00:05:26] There is not evidence that they should be given everything they want, but they are unwilling to settle for jobs that are not fulfilling or don't allow for work-life balance and tend to be optimistic about getting what they want out of life. These emerging adults are optimistic about the future, even though current economic, social, and political challenges exist. Understanding some of these positive qualities of emerging adults has implications for parents. Implications for parents of young adults

[00:05:55] First, it's essential to maintain a sense of perspective or balance, and not slide into stereotypes about this or any generation. When considering our emerging adults, find positive qualities, attitudes, and behaviors that can be recognized and affirmed. By the way, even though you may read specific statistics regarding this generation, good or bad, understand that you cannot apply or assume that this relates to your adult child.

[00:06:26] To do so is not only statistically incorrect, it shows insensitivity to your son or daughter's uniqueness. Second, we need to guard against the confirmation bias tendency to just look for something that may reflect our negative beliefs about our emerging adults. We need to raise our antenna for their positives and acknowledge and affirm these. By doing this, we elevate these qualities in a way that can lead to greater expression by them.

[00:06:55] By focusing on our emerging adults' negatives, we can inadvertently reinforce these tendencies as these young adults may rebel or resist our characterizations. Finding fault is less likely to help our young adults move forward constructively than finding the positive attitudes, values, and behaviors we would like to see. Incidentally, research on this group tends to support the belief that this generation, ultimately, is striving for the same things we pursued.

[00:07:26] Career, marriage, family, and homeownership. They're just taking a little longer to get there. My work focuses on bringing together parents and young adults around the common future that both parents and young adults want. You just listened to the post titled, What's Right with 20-somethings? By Dr. Jack Stoltzfus of Parents Letting Go Observe.

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[00:08:25] Pink Panther us here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, built just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at Coach.com. And thank you to Dr. Jack for another great article.

[00:08:55] I really like his opinion here, that referring to 20-something young adults or emerging adults as entitled or lazy is a bit lazy in itself. And why is this? Well, to me, it's because it overlooks societal changes and the unique challenges that they face. You know, in today's world where economic pressure and technological advancements, amongst other things, have completely changed the way people have grown up in past generations,

[00:09:24] these young adults face a more competitive job market that demands higher education and specialized skills, amongst other things. And consequently, reaching traditional life milestones, like marriage or career establishment, is often delayed. This generation is also marked by a strong emphasis on personal fulfillment and work-life balance, as we heard today. The frequent job changes and pursuit of fulfilling work, those reflect a desire for personal growth.

[00:09:52] They don't reflect instability or a lack of commitment. So, understanding these nuances is crucial for parents and older adults, and frankly, every generation past, present, and future, as we're aging through different circumstances. If the same approach was taken repeatedly throughout generations, it would be a reflection of a lack of progress. And to me, that would be a much bigger concern than some of the more trivial judgments that we put on young adults of this generation.

[00:10:22] But that's going to wrap us up for today, everybody. Thank you so much, as always, for tuning in and making another episode possible. I hope you found this article to be helpful and encouraging as you navigate your own opinions of your children or other persons around this age that we talked about today. Have a great rest of your Friday, and be sure to come back tomorrow for more. That's where your optimal life awaits.