3183: Dating Dilemmas of Smart, Successful Women: 5 Crucial Keys for Overcoming Rejection by Dr. Diana Kirschner of Love in 90 Days on Dating Confidence

[00:00:00] Hey, it's Justin from Optimal Living Daily. Before we start, I want to share a super powerful practice I use called NSDR or Non-Sleep Deep Rest. In just about 10 minutes or so, this Yoga Nidra practice leaves you feeling as refreshed as after a nap without actually sleeping. Experience it for yourself on our guided podcast. Search NSDR and look for the one from Optimal Living Daily.

[00:00:26] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Dating Dilemmas of Smart, Successful Women, 5 Crucial Keys for Overcoming Rejection by Dr. Diana Kirschner of Love in 90 Days Scenario 1. You meet someone who seems amazing. You can tell he's really into you. A few more totally amazing dates go by, each one better than the first. And you can't help it.

[00:00:52] But you've already started to fall hard. And then... BAM! He sends a text saying he's not ready for a relationship. You wonder... Was it because he found out about my crazy family? Did I chew my food weird on the last date? How come he indicated that we had a future? Clearly something changed his mind. Scenario 2. You go out on a limb and write the cute guy who kept looking at you on that online dating site.

[00:01:22] And you wait. And you wait. Surely if he kept looking at you, he must be interested. Yet, after a few days go by, it becomes clear he is not going to ride back. You wonder... Was it something I wrote? Why did he abandon me? Scenario 3. You think you've met the love of your life. Perhaps you've been together for months or years. And then, he breaks it off. Telling you he just isn't ready.

[00:01:50] You're left dissecting your entire relationship. And you wonder... How did I not see this coming? Did I do something wrong? What can I do to get him back? Any of these situations resonate with you? If so, you're not alone. Rejection is something that happens to everyone. And it's not fun. It certainly doesn't feel good to invest energy in someone, to get your hopes up, only to have them hurt you.

[00:02:18] Rejection can take such a toll that it can become tempting to put up walls or stop dating altogether. And let's face it, it's hard not to take it personally. Here's the thing. Rejection is an inherent risk you take when you put yourself out there in any area of life. You cannot get what you want in life, career, and love without risking rejection. While there's no way to avoid it completely, there are things to keep in mind that will make it much easier for you to overcome it when it does happen.

[00:02:48] 1. Rejection says absolutely nothing about your worth. Truly. Ask yourself, does this person know the real you? Most likely not. It takes years to really know someone. If someone rejects you after a few dates, they haven't even scratched the surface. If they don't write you back, then they really don't know you. And if you've been together for some time, that person walking away is acting that way because of growing in a different direction.

[00:03:17] So don't add to the pain by buying into the myth that rejection means something about you. 2. Remember, the rejector likely has his or her own stuff. Trust me when I say this. I have logged countless hours coaching people with deeply entrenched commitment issues and dead-end dating patterns. Sometimes your love interest may be so immersed in his or her own stuff that they will repeat the same patterns with the next several women, no matter how amazing each of them are.

[00:03:47] 3. Remember, every no brings you closer to your yes. Dating is a numbers game. Each person is another stepping stone. Imagine what it would be like to think, Why thank you for removing yourself from my path so I can move on to find the right one. And it's true. 4. You don't want him anyway. Yes, I know you are feeling pain. When someone you care about ends a relationship or declines to start one,

[00:04:17] the loss of the relationship or potential relationship is painful. But think of it this way. If someone isn't stepping up or isn't ready for a relationship, then any relationship you start with this person will be a fraught with back-and-forth drama. The love of your life doesn't leave. Plus, the guy was just plain nuts to not see how amazing you are. It's his loss. 5. See this as an opportunity to become an even more amazing you.

[00:04:47] Although rejection is not personal, it does offer us a chance to evaluate and grow. For example, we often have certain dead-end dating patterns we unconsciously use to protect ourselves from getting hurt in love, but they can also push people away. All the frogs who walk away are growth agents, which help prepare you for the right guy. Someday you'll look back and thank that guy who wasn't ready for a relationship. Because his walking away made you re-evaluate the kinds of guys you were choosing

[00:05:16] and inspired you to work on your confidence. Without that experience, you wouldn't have been ready for your meeting with the right one. You just listened to the post titled, Dating Dilemmas of Smart Successful Women, Five Crucial Keys for Overcoming Rejection by Dr. Diana Kirschner of lovein90days.com And I'll be back with my commentary right after this. Hey, it's Justin from Optimal Living Daily.

[00:05:46] Before we start, I want to share a super powerful practice I use called NSDR, or Non-Sleep Deep Rest. In just about 10 minutes or so, this yoga nidra practice leaves you feeling as refreshed as after a nap without actually sleeping. Experience it for yourself on our guided podcast. Search NSDR and look for the one from Optimal Living Daily. And thank you so much to Dr. Diana for this one.

[00:06:13] Really a nice article for anyone who's struggling with and trying to make sense of rejection. Obviously, this focuses on the rejection a woman might face when things don't pan out as she might have hoped romantically with a man. But so many types of rejection have similarities, especially when it comes to what we might take away from it. And to me, this was really well encapsulated in Dr. Diana's final point about seeing rejection as an opportunity to become a better you.

[00:06:42] And mind you, this doesn't have to look any particular way. In fact, our growth might be hindered if we demand ourselves to have a specific outcome as a result of it. Like, uh, well, if this guy rejected me, that means that now I can prepare myself to meet an absolutely perfect one. Obviously, yeah, this type of empowerment and vision can be helpful. But what I'm suggesting is that we can release ourselves from these ideas about how our outer world will look

[00:07:10] and instead focus on the fact that rejection can make us generally more thick-skinned or more independent, more capable, more wise, etc. Rejection, like any struggle, can help us evolve into someone who just navigates the world a little bit more purposefully and intentionally. So remember that the growth will be there, even if it doesn't end up looking the way you asked for it to look. But with that, we are going to sign off for today, folks.

[00:07:39] I thank you again for always tuning in and making this episode possible. We couldn't do this without you. If you've still got some listening left in you, feel free to check out the other shows on our network, which you can find by typing Optimal Living Daily into your feed. But if you are done for the day, then I sure hope you come back and join us again tomorrow for another post. That's where your optimal life awaits.