1389: Your Attachment Style at Work by Sara Stanizai of Prospect Therapy on Career Success

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[00:00:30] This is Optimal Work Daily, Episode 1389. Your Attachment Style at Work by Sara Stanizai of Prospect Therapy.com And I am Dan, I'm your host and thanks so much for joining me on this Saturday

[00:00:43] and we're going to get right to our post now as we hear from Sara and optimize your life. Your Attachment Style at Work by Sara Stanizai of Prospect Therapy.com Although it sounds like a qualifier for Velcro or glue,

[00:01:00] Attachment Style is a psychological term that describes how people relate to others. The simplest way to describe them is in three different types. Secure, Avoidant, Dismissive, or Anxious Preoccupied. You've probably heard of Attachment Styles when it comes to Romantic or Familial Relationships.

[00:01:17] While we do form different Attachment Styles in these relationships, we also develop them in other types of relationships. Did you know these also apply to your work relationships? Okay, work spouses are a totally different thing,

[00:01:30] but have you ever considered the type of Attachment Style that you have with your job? This isn't just how we relate personally to our work. That's called Intrapersonal Attachment, just FYI. But is your job an intrinsic part of your identity?

[00:01:42] Something you take personally and without it would be a different person? Or is it something utilitarian that you enjoy but check out of as soon as we're off the clock? How much of ourselves does our job define?

[00:01:53] Our Attachment Style reveals itself even more when it comes to how we relate to the people we work with. Interpersonal Attachment to our work environment. Do you stay out of the office drama? Or are you always the problem solver?

[00:02:06] How invested are you in the place where you work? And how invested do they need to be in you? Many people spend a lot of time in the workplace and frequently interact with their boss or coworkers. So, even though you may never have considered it,

[00:02:18] these relationships with Attachment Styles can apply to our job. But why is it helpful to look at Workplace Attachment Styles? Because it can help us be happier and find work that is more fulfilling.

[00:02:29] If you know what you need, it's easier to find a workplace that will give you what you need. Added bonus, it can also show us how we can do the same in our personal relationships. There are a variety of ways to interpret Attachment Styles,

[00:02:41] but in the simplest terms, we form different Attachment Types, Secure, Avoidant, Dismissive, or Anxious Preoccupied. So let's look at the different types. 1. Secure Attachment First things first, it's common and natural to feel insecure in your relationship sometimes.

[00:02:58] Just because you freak out sometimes does not mean you are insecure. When you have a secure attachment style, you generally feel at ease and comfortable with yourself and your place in your context. You are flexible, understand the bigger picture,

[00:03:12] and can tolerate the ups and downs of any relationship. This type of attachment is characterized by safety. But how would a secure attachment style translate in the workplace? You know that contraction and expansion are part of any relationship.

[00:03:24] You know that giving or receiving feedback is an opportunity for growth. You don't take things personally, and you don't internalize even poorly delivered criticism to mean you are flawed or failing. If you have a secure attachment to your job,

[00:03:38] you take pride in it but it doesn't define you. You define your job, not the other way around. When you feel confident in the workplace, you don't spend time worrying that you aren't good enough.

[00:03:48] You trust you are there for a reason and can see the value you bring to the table, as well as the benefits you get from your work. You don't regularly experience anxiety about your role and you don't try to avoid tasks or situations.

[00:04:00] Moreover, you feel proud of the work that you do. A secure attachment style will also show itself through your workplace relationships. If you feel content with your boss and coworkers and get along with them, then you likely have a secure attachment with your career and workplace.

[00:04:14] You don't treat your boss like a caregiver and you don't treat your peers like siblings. A secure attachment is something that is firm but flexible. This means you do care about your job, but it doesn't define who you are.

[00:04:25] You can be passionate about the work you do, but you can do it anywhere. 2. Avoidant Dismissive Attachment This attachment style typically means that you avoid situations instead of dealing with them head on.

[00:04:38] When it comes to being in the workplace, this attachment style may play out in a few different ways. Avoidance is the name of the game if you avoid talking to your coworkers and opt for working alone as much as possible.

[00:04:49] This is especially true if the reason you prefer to work alone is so that people won't see your struggle. Just like in other relationships, you might be under the assumption that if they see you make a mistake or see the quote-unquote real you,

[00:05:01] they will deem you unvalued and abandon you. If you feel you can't ask for help, make mistakes, or have a hard time taking in suggestions, you may be avoidant toward your job. This does not account for toxic workplaces or particularly insulated and unsafe settings.

[00:05:17] The emotional labor of fitting in is a reality for most people. If you have found yourself a welcoming workplace, or even work for yourself, you can still benefit from looking at how you relate to work and the role it plays in your life and identity.

[00:05:31] While it is totally okay to strive for independence in the workplace, there are many careers that depend on a specific amount of teamwork. If you're the type of person who struggles or dreads working in a team, you may have an avoidant attachment style.

[00:05:43] With this attachment style, you likely don't feel overly involved in or affected by the workplace, but very much prefer to keep to yourself and work independently. This can also impact how you build relationships with the people at work. You may avoid getting close to coworkers

[00:05:58] or feel uncomfortable talking about your personal life. This can lead to some avoidant or dismissive behaviors, such as being sarcastic and thinking you're being direct when really you're not being clear. You also might treat authority figures like a parent.

[00:06:12] If you think you may have this style of attachment, it can help by looking at how you are in your family and how that relates to how you are at work. And three, anxious preoccupied attachment. Just because you may feel some anxiety at work

[00:06:26] does not mean you have an anxious preoccupied attachment. It's not uncommon to experience anxiety in the workplace. However, do you always feel hyper-anxious every time you're at work? Do you struggle to focus because you're worried about what your boss or coworkers think about you? If this sounds familiar,

[00:06:42] you may have an anxious preoccupied workplace attachment. This means you crave validation and attention to ensure that you're doing your job correctly. And while it's okay to want guidance at work, you also need to find a balance where you can trust yourself and your abilities.

[00:06:56] You should be able to feel at ease and comfortable in your workplace. This can be a super exhausting attachment style because not only are you fixated on doing your job perfectly, you are also worried about how others perceive you and if they value your role.

[00:07:11] You're probably very productive, but your productivity is weighed down by anxiety. This type of attachment often overlaps with imposter syndrome, which is characterized by not being able to internalize evidence of your success. Understanding your workplace attachment If you identify with any qualities of an avoidant or anxious attachment,

[00:07:29] it's totally okay. Many people feel insecure in their careers sometimes, and trust me, you don't always have to feel completely secure to succeed. In fact, discomfort can often be a sign of growth. Fear, intimidation or toxicity are not. By better understanding your workplace attachment,

[00:07:46] you can also understand if there are possibly other unrelated mental health conditions lying underneath. For example, if you feel anxious in the workplace, it may stem from a more general anxiety condition. The better you can pinpoint your workplace attachment style, the easier it'll be to seek help

[00:08:01] or to feel more comfortable in the workplace and in everyday life. We don't always feel completely confident or comfortable in the workplace. It's normal to feel insecure from time to time. Overall, however, you should feel secure with your job and the work you do.

[00:08:15] If you don't, you may want to consider seeking therapy to understand your attachment style better. Therapy can help you work through anxiety, avoidance or insecurity that may affect how you perform in the workplace. You just listened to the post titled Your Attachment Style at Work

[00:08:35] by Sarah Stanizai of Prospecttherapy.com This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Do you ever find yourself getting caught up in comparison, seeing the successes of others and wishing your life looked the same? If so, then you know how difficult it can be to manage these feelings.

[00:08:49] Therapy can help you focus on what you want instead of what others have so you can start living your best life. And therapy is for everyone. Even if you have an experience to major trauma, it's a great place to learn positive coping skills, boundary setting and personal empowerment

[00:09:05] which can have an amazing impact on both your personal and professional life. If you're thinking of starting therapy give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist

[00:09:23] and switch therapists any time for no additional charge. So, keep comparing and start focusing with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash workdaily today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp H-E-L-P.com slash workdaily. And thank you so much to Sarah for letting us share her work.

[00:09:47] Sarah spent years working in nonprofits and agencies trying to feel cool wearing business casual slacks and those trademark work flats. She was a senior in the department of the Department of Human Services and eight sad office birthday cake at least once a month.

[00:10:03] She was good at her job and she made friends she learned a lot but she didn't realize how much of herself she was putting away between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. She didn't know what she was missing however since starting prospect therapy she's learned firsthand that

[00:10:19] the more herself she is the more successful she is for what she talks about with her clients. Being yourself is a gift. You can find more great posts from Sarah at prospecttherapy.com and a big thanks to Sarah for letting us

[00:10:33] share her work across several of our shows. But that's going to do it for today I hope you enjoyed this weekend post and that you'll join me again tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.