1465: 7 Steps To Staying Sane When Getting Negative Feedback by Stella Grizont of Woopaah on Resiliency

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Work Daily, 7 Steps To Staying Sane When Getting Negative Feedback by Stella Grizont of Woopaah.com.

[00:00:09] Your business is like your baby, and if someone says it's ugly or that something is wrong with it, it's only natural for you to go a little crazy inside.

[00:00:17] If you're enlightened enough to not be emotionally attached to your business, hearing negative feedback still isn't easy because it points to more work and the fact that maybe you're just not where you need to be as a leader.

[00:00:29] Here's what you need to know about how to receive negative feedback from your employees and others in your life about your business or how you run it.

[00:00:37] Three things you must know about negative feedback.

[00:00:40] 1. It's not you, it's your brain.

[00:00:43] Our brains have a negativity bias, which means that our attention automatically focuses on what's wrong, bad, or threatening almost twice as much as it focuses on the good stuff.

[00:00:53] 2. It's true. No pain, no gain.

[00:00:57] Dealing with the discomfort of negative feedback is like lifting heavy weights.

[00:01:01] It doesn't feel good in the moment, but it's helping you build a stronger business and a more resilient attitude.

[00:01:06] Avoid avoiding the feedback.

[00:01:08] Welcome it.

[00:01:10] 3. Stick to the facts.

[00:01:12] If your employees tell you they don't like the new product description you came up with, it doesn't mean you have an unworthy product, it just means you need a copywriter.

[00:01:20] How to handle it. The 7-step plan to sanity.

[00:01:24] Let's imagine that a long-time, trusted employee just barged into your office unannounced with some negative feedback.

[00:01:30] A combo of constructive comments and some rather destructive, borderline personal ones.

[00:01:36] Your goal is to stay calm, receive the necessary information, and move on quickly and peacefully.

[00:01:42] Here's how.

[00:01:43] 1. Listen actively.

[00:01:45] More than 80% of communication is nonverbal, so use your body to communicate, I hear you.

[00:01:52] Unfold your arms and legs, nod regularly, and lean towards the employee.

[00:01:57] Keep your voice calm and friendly.

[00:01:59] 2. Stay curious.

[00:02:01] Regardless of the quality or validity of the feedback, ask yourself,

[00:02:05] What can I learn from this?

[00:02:06] What am I seeing that I wasn't aware of before?

[00:02:09] This helps mitigate defensiveness.

[00:02:12] 3. Don't interrupt, especially to defend yourself.

[00:02:15] By exercising control of yourself, you will feel more in control of the conversation.

[00:02:20] If the feedback is meant to rile you and you don't take the bait, your employee will ease up naturally.

[00:02:26] 4. Say thank you.

[00:02:28] It's taken time, courage, and lots of reflection for your employee to share his thoughts.

[00:02:33] Whether or not you agree with him, let the first thing you say be authentic and appreciative.

[00:02:38] First off, I just want you to know that I really appreciate the thought and time that you put into your sharing this feedback.

[00:02:45] Conversations like these help us grow.

[00:02:47] 5. Recap what you heard using the employee's language.

[00:02:51] Not only is this satisfying to the employee, because he feels he has been heard, but it helps you both process the discussion.

[00:02:58] Bonus points if you say I instead of you when possible to signal your ability to take responsibility.

[00:03:04] For example,

[00:03:06] I am hearing that the way I handled the meeting on Friday led to a lot of confusion.

[00:03:10] Versus,

[00:03:11] It seems like you don't know what's going on.

[00:03:13] 6. Give yourself some space.

[00:03:15] It's really hard to thoughtfully respond in the moment, so build in some padding time.

[00:03:20] For example,

[00:03:21] Again, I really value your feedback.

[00:03:23] If you don't mind, I'd like to give this some quality thought.

[00:03:26] I have a packed week, so can I get back to you next Thursday?

[00:03:30] 7. Close honorably.

[00:03:32] Follow up with your response when you promised.

[00:03:35] Thank the employee again,

[00:03:37] recap what you heard,

[00:03:38] share what you think,

[00:03:39] and what action, if any, you'll take.

[00:03:41] Example,

[00:03:42] Thanks again for your feedback.

[00:03:43] I understand now that I wasn't as clear as I could have been on Friday.

[00:03:47] Moving forward, I'll have Nancy send out a recap of next steps so we avoid confusion.

[00:03:52] Dealing with your employees.

[00:03:55] These seven steps can be used to deal with negative feedback coming from anyone,

[00:03:59] from your employees to your mother-in-law to your dry cleaner.

[00:04:02] But when dealing with an employee,

[00:04:03] you may want to consider more specific steps to receive and grow from the feedback.

[00:04:08] Consider this.

[00:04:09] 1. Make it easy and regular.

[00:04:11] Hold regular office hours or create a weekly town hall meeting, like Google's founders,

[00:04:17] and take any questions or comments as they come up.

[00:04:20] This shows transparency, courage, and care.

[00:04:23] And 2. Validate what you're hearing with some research.

[00:04:27] Conduct some one-on-one conversations with key stakeholders,

[00:04:30] and send out an anonymous survey using surveymonkey.com to gather more information.

[00:04:35] Dealing with your significant other.

[00:04:38] We tend to have more boundaries at the office than we do at home,

[00:04:41] which can lead to some messy conversations.

[00:04:43] Create agreements about how and when to get negative feedback from your spouse,

[00:04:48] especially as it relates to your business.

[00:04:50] 1. Pick a good time to talk about it.

[00:04:52] Help your sweetheart read your signs.

[00:04:55] For example, calmly request,

[00:04:57] Honey, I really value your feedback.

[00:04:59] At the end of a hard day, I'm not able to really listen as attentively as I'd like to.

[00:05:04] Weekends are better.

[00:05:05] Or if I have advance notice, at least I can get in the right headspace.

[00:05:09] 2. Discuss how you want to receive feedback and why.

[00:05:13] Are you the kind of person that likes to small talk

[00:05:15] and gently make your way into a difficult conversation?

[00:05:18] Or do you just want it direct into the point?

[00:05:21] Sweetheart, it's really hard for me to only hear negative feedback.

[00:05:24] It would be really helpful if,

[00:05:26] in addition to what you think we could do better,

[00:05:28] you also mention what we do well.

[00:05:30] Otherwise, I feel really deflated.

[00:05:32] Dealing with your peers.

[00:05:34] Even though our friends want to help,

[00:05:37] sometimes they just don't understand.

[00:05:39] Consider this.

[00:05:40] 1. Where is the feedback coming from?

[00:05:43] Is the feedback coming from experience,

[00:05:45] or is it just an opinion?

[00:05:46] Does this person truly understand your business

[00:05:49] or accurately represent your customer?

[00:05:51] If not, get a second opinion.

[00:05:53] 2. Just say,

[00:05:55] Thanks for sharing.

[00:05:56] You aren't responsible for responding to everyone,

[00:05:59] especially to a friend or peer.

[00:06:01] Just say,

[00:06:02] Got it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[00:06:04] And move on.

[00:06:09] You just listened to the post titled,

[00:06:11] 7 Steps to Staying Sane When Getting Negative Feedback,

[00:06:15] by Stella Grisant of WUPA.com.

[00:06:18] This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[00:06:20] We're all marveled at how quickly kids learn,

[00:06:23] and that sense of wonderment they have while doing it.

[00:06:26] But as adults, sometimes we lose that curiosity.

[00:06:29] Well, if there's something you've been wanting to learn,

[00:06:32] know that therapy can help you reconnect with your sense of wonder.

[00:06:35] Because your back-to-school era can come at any age.

[00:06:38] And make no mistake,

[00:06:40] therapy is for everyone.

[00:06:41] Whether or not you've been through significant trauma,

[00:06:44] therapy can be a great tool for setting boundaries,

[00:06:47] learning new skills,

[00:06:48] and ultimately becoming the best version of yourself.

[00:06:50] If you're thinking of starting therapy,

[00:06:52] give BetterHelp a try.

[00:06:54] It's entirely online,

[00:06:55] designed to be convenient,

[00:06:57] flexible,

[00:06:57] and suited to your schedule.

[00:06:59] Just fill out a brief questionnaire

[00:07:00] to get matched with a licensed therapist,

[00:07:02] and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge.

[00:07:06] Rediscover your curiosity with BetterHelp.

[00:07:09] Visit BetterHelp.com slash WorkDaily today

[00:07:12] to get 10% off your first month.

[00:07:14] That's BetterHelp,

[00:07:15] H-E-L-P dot com slash WorkDaily.

[00:07:19] And thank you to Stella.

[00:07:21] She works with overachievers

[00:07:23] who are seeking deeper career fulfillment,

[00:07:25] and with organizations who are dedicated

[00:07:27] to elevating the well-being of their employees.

[00:07:29] It all started in a dark room

[00:07:31] after eating lots of M&Ms.

[00:07:33] She was a brand strategist,

[00:07:35] and had been sitting behind a hidden mirror

[00:07:37] observing moms of toddlers talking about snacks

[00:07:39] for over five hours.

[00:07:41] She couldn't take it anymore,

[00:07:43] and escaped to the bathroom.

[00:07:44] That was just one moment.

[00:07:46] She had many more like that in her journey

[00:07:48] to finally find work that she loves.

[00:07:50] It took her 10 years,

[00:07:51] and she doesn't want it to take you that long.

[00:07:54] And that's why she founded WUPA.

[00:07:55] In the last 12 years,

[00:07:57] Stella has coached over 1,300 individuals

[00:07:59] in 17 countries.

[00:08:01] Some of Stella's corporate clients

[00:08:03] include Google, Johnson & Johnson, and more.

[00:08:06] And she's got a lot to share.

[00:08:07] So come by WUPA.com for a lot more.

[00:08:10] That's spelled W-O-O-P-A-A-H dot com.

[00:08:15] All right, that should do it for today.

[00:08:16] Hope you have a happy Friday

[00:08:17] and great start to your weekend.

[00:08:19] And I thank you as always

[00:08:20] for being a subscriber to the show.

[00:08:22] And I'll see you back here tomorrow

[00:08:23] where your optimal life awaits.