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Episode 1471:
Margo Aaron reveals how self-sabotage is often rooted in our subconscious fears, causing us to undermine our success and happiness. By becoming aware of these self-defeating patterns and addressing the emotions driving them, she encourages us to shift our mindset and unlock the success we’ve been unknowingly avoiding.
Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.thatseemsimportant.com/marketing/self-sabotage/
Quotes to ponder:
"Self-sabotage is often the result of deep-seated fears - of success, of failure, or of being exposed as inadequate."
"By recognizing your triggers and reframing your thinking, you can start to dismantle the behaviors that hold you back."
"We create our own limitations, sometimes because it feels safer to stay small than to risk the vulnerability of growth."
Episode references:
The Power of Now: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
Atomic Habits: https://www.amazon.com/Atomic-Habits-Proven-Build-Break/dp/0735211299
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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[00:00:26] This is Optimal Work Daily.
[00:00:28] How To Quash The Pressure Of Expectations and Defeat Self-Sabotage by Margo Aaron of ThatSeemsImportant.com
[00:00:38] There's a woman who celebrates her wins with a donut.
[00:00:41] As in, she literally buys herself a donut every time something good happens in her career and then she posts a photo of it.
[00:00:47] And you can click on the link in the post at your own hunger risk.
[00:00:51] It's made her more appreciative of the little things, identifying more wins, blah, blah, blah.
[00:00:56] We've all read the book. Celebrate your wins. Gratitude. More will come your way.
[00:01:00] For the awakened humans, this is true. And it's great. God bless. Keep on.
[00:01:04] For the rest of us, we choose the path I like to call Bad Moms Christmas.
[00:01:09] That's when we follow up an otherwise great thing with a s*** sequel.
[00:01:14] Empire. Jurassic Park. Grey's Anatomy. Narcos.
[00:01:18] Those of us on the path of Bad Moms Christmas are what society might call self-sabotagers.
[00:01:23] We get a win and we're like, no, too much greatness. Must crawl in a hole and die. Destroy what made me great. No donuts for you.
[00:01:31] We get blindsided by the applause and start producing s*** work.
[00:01:36] To extend the sequel metaphor, it's when Narcos Medellin turned into Narcos Cali.
[00:01:41] They took complex, interesting characters and turned them into stock types, leaned into predictable cliches,
[00:01:47] and inserted a whole bunch of gratuitous violence. Boo, Cali, be better.
[00:01:51] If you don't have a strong core to begin with, success will kill everything great about you.
[00:01:56] Because you become reactive. Reactive to the market, to critics, to short-term wins, to applause.
[00:02:02] The applause. That s*** makes you high as a kite. And with some very rare exceptions, no one makes good decisions when they're high.
[00:02:09] Especially if those decisions are fueled by ego and a desire to please.
[00:02:13] Which, speaking for myself, they always are. Hand me some applause and I'm like, please sir, I want some more.
[00:02:19] We turn to approval seeking, that's what wanting more applause is, when we don't have a strong core.
[00:02:25] When we don't know our values, we don't have a vision, and we don't know who we are or what we stand for.
[00:02:30] In fact, you need the opposite skill to succeed. The ability to endure being disliked.
[00:02:36] Weirdo first, pioneer second. That's how you get good.
[00:02:39] You keep being the weirdo. You keep defying expectations. You keep your eye on what the market actually wants, instead of what they say they want.
[00:02:47] And you learn to be a shrewd judge of your own work.
[00:02:50] The mistake happens during what we in Alt-MBA call crossing the chasm.
[00:02:55] It's when you go from being niche to being mainstream. Some call this scaling. And very few brands navigate this well.
[00:03:02] We think that crossing the chasm means being something the mainstream will understand, being palatable or vanilla.
[00:03:08] But joke's on us because the mainstream doesn't exist. It was made up in the 1930s to 1950s to describe, quote,
[00:03:16] people who watch TV, read papers, and listen to radio, end quote. Which isn't a market, that's just everyone.
[00:03:23] Marketing rule number one. When you market to everyone, you market to no one.
[00:03:28] Not everyone likes Game of Thrones. G-O-T. But to those of us who do, we cannot get enough.
[00:03:34] We will literally stay at our subway stop and miss our exit just to take pictures and text them to our friends.
[00:03:40] And no, I was not the only one in Grand Central doing this.
[00:03:43] The way to protect against the sequel effect, a.k.a. self-sabotage after success, is to let go of the expectations that success creates.
[00:03:52] But that is terribly over-simplistic advice because who can realistically do that without 12 years of therapy?
[00:03:58] I do in fact recommend therapy, but in the meantime, I have a suggestion that also works to quash the pressure of expectations.
[00:04:05] Keep things an inside joke with your audience.
[00:04:08] If you don't have the confidence to retain your weirdo roots, hi, guilty, then you're going to end up one of the many creators who died of the disease to please.
[00:04:17] To please new fans, to please the critics, to please the masses.
[00:04:21] When you seek acceptance from a market that you didn't set out to impress, you will perpetually disappoint.
[00:04:26] Stay focused on your tribe.
[00:04:29] That's the only effective way I know to drown out the noise from the applause and expectations.
[00:04:34] The trick I use to circumvent disappointment is to use it as a success metric.
[00:04:39] If I hear, I don't get it, from someone who is not my market, then I probably nailed it.
[00:04:44] Because all great work is divisive.
[00:04:47] Not in a combative way, divisive in a unifying way.
[00:04:50] It should create a demarcation line between those who get it and those who don't.
[00:04:55] You're either someone who's into GOT or you're not.
[00:04:58] You're either a Trekkie or you're not.
[00:05:00] You either like Alexander McQueen or you don't.
[00:05:03] There are few people in the middle.
[00:05:05] Celebrate that you will disappoint some people.
[00:05:07] That's a sign you're doing this right.
[00:05:09] I'm going to go buy myself a donut.
[00:05:15] You just listened to the post titled,
[00:05:17] How to Quash the Pressure of Expectations and Defeat Self-Sabotage, by Margot Aaron of ThatSeemsImportant.com.
[00:05:25] This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
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[00:06:26] And I want to give a big thank you to Margo,
[00:06:29] and you can come by ThatSeemsImportant.com to read a lot more from her
[00:06:33] and check out her bookstore.
[00:06:34] It has some great ones on there if you're looking for ideas.
[00:06:37] Margo Aaron is a proud graduate of Emory University, where she got her BA,
[00:06:42] and Columbia University, MA, and Alt-MBA, where she earned the prestigious Walker Award.
[00:06:48] She began her career as a psychological researcher for a mental health clinic,
[00:06:53] then accidentally ended up in marketing,
[00:06:55] and today she's co-host of the internet talk show Hillary and Margo Yell at Websites.
[00:07:00] Margo is also a regular contributor to Inc.,
[00:07:03] and founder of the most popular internet newsletter you've never heard of.
[00:07:07] Again, you can find her at ThatSeemsImportant.com,
[00:07:10] and thank you to Margo for letting us share her work.
[00:07:14] But I think that does it for today.
[00:07:16] Hope you are having a happy Thursday,
[00:07:17] and thanks so much for being a subscriber to the show.
[00:07:20] I'm going to see you right back here tomorrow for the Friday show.
[00:07:23] That's where your optimal life awaits.