2478: How to Let Go by David Cain of Raptitude on Mindfulness, Meditation & Emotional Intelligence

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[00:01:00] This is Optimal Health Daily Episode 2478. How to let go by David Cain of Raptitude.com

[00:01:08] I'm Dr. Neil. Welcome to another Sunday bonus episode. This is where I share an episode

[00:01:14] from another podcast in our network. And this one today is coming from my brother's

[00:01:18] podcast Optimal Living Daily. You can find that podcast wherever you're hearing this.

[00:01:24] So with that, here's my brother Justin as we optimize your life.

[00:01:32] How to let go by David Cain of Raptitude.com

[00:01:37] The easiest advice to give and the hardest to use is let it go. Didn't get the job? Let

[00:01:44] it go. Still thinking about your awkward speech last week? Let it go. All the Paul McCartney

[00:01:50] tickets were bought up in seconds by scalper bots. Let it go. Life will go on after all,

[00:01:57] just put it out of your mind. Of course, we'd let it go if we could. If we had the ability

[00:02:02] to simply drop a worry or anger or a throbbing in the temples, we wouldn't need to be told.

[00:02:08] And being told to let go tends to make the feeling even more stubborn. Letting go is possible,

[00:02:14] but it's done differently than we usually think. We humans tend to overlook a very useful

[00:02:19] fact. Every experience does go at some point. Every sight, sound, taste or feeling you've

[00:02:26] ever had is gone except what's happening right now as you hear this. The pleasure of

[00:02:31] the last chocolate treat you ate. Where is it now? The pain of the last time you've

[00:02:37] sinned your finger on the stovetop. Where is it? Itchy mosquito bites, stress over past

[00:02:42] deadlines, uneasiness about where that wedding toast was going. Gone. The fleeting nature

[00:02:49] of experience becomes a lot more obvious in meditation. When you dedicate some time to

[00:02:54] observing the arising and passing of your experiences, namely bodily feelings, emotions

[00:03:00] and thoughts, you begin to notice that that arising and passing happens surprisingly quickly.

[00:03:07] A bubble of anxiety, if you observe it, might be truly unpleasant for maybe 15 seconds or

[00:03:12] so. A faint residue might linger a little longer but it's quite bearable. And at some

[00:03:17] point, it becomes undetectable. However, and this is the vital part, if you had tried

[00:03:23] to get rid of that bubble of anxiety, you'd probably notice it getting worse. This is

[00:03:28] where all the confusion about letting go happens. All experiences do go, guaranteed.

[00:03:34] But you don't make them go, you let them go. When you let experiences go, they tend to

[00:03:40] go sooner. But we often don't let them, we fight with them. We tend to see present moment

[00:03:46] experiences as though they're more permanent than they really are, so we think it's necessary

[00:03:50] to fight with ones we don't like and cling to ones we do like. We don't recognize for

[00:03:55] example how few seconds the pleasure of an ice cream cone really lasts, or how quickly

[00:04:00] a moment of embarrassment passes if we don't dwell on it. The result is that we count

[00:04:06] on pleasures too much and resist this pleasure too strongly. We create stress by trying

[00:04:13] and vain to slow up or hurry along any experience we don't have direct control over, which

[00:04:19] is the vast majority of them. At a meeting you say something dumb and feel embarrassed.

[00:04:25] If you could simply notice that feeling come and go without the normal contentiousness,

[00:04:30] it might last a minute or two. But we tend to do the opposite. We complain in our minds

[00:04:35] that we're in incurable clots, or maybe other people are too judgmental. We vow to prevent

[00:04:41] it from happening again. Of course, we don't have enough control over

[00:04:45] life to protect ourselves from such normal human feelings. This demand for an impossible

[00:04:50] level of control over our experience is intrinsically stressful. Sometimes we can make

[00:04:56] an experience happen or stop happening if we have some direct means of control, stepping

[00:05:01] out of the rain if we're getting wet, or turning on a lamp when it's too dark to see.

[00:05:05] But such clean and easy fixes, especially for our emotional experiences, aren't usually

[00:05:10] available. You can't open an umbrella to shield yourself from a bad mood, a physical

[00:05:16] pain, or a distracting thought. Letting things go is a skill we can learn, but it's

[00:05:22] easily confused with making things go, which is usually impossible.

[00:05:27] I like the way John Yates, a meditation teacher and neuroscientist, makes it part of a

[00:05:31] longer phrase. Let it come, let it be, let it go. This phrase reflects a realistic understanding

[00:05:40] of how life actually happens. All experiences arise and fade, and that can be observed

[00:05:45] in real time. There's no such thing as a permanent experience. Each one comes, is,

[00:05:51] and goes. We need to stop and observe our experience carefully to really see that happening.

[00:05:59] This is the basic aim of mindfulness meditation. If we develop sharp enough attention, we can

[00:06:04] see specifically what feelings and experiences we tend to cling to, or push away. Then

[00:06:10] we can consciously, gently refrain from pushing or pulling, and let the experience go. We

[00:06:17] can become free of the stress around a given experience, even while that experience

[00:06:21] is still happening. Whether or not you take up meditation, you can practice letting experiences

[00:06:27] come, be, and go in their own time. Daily life offers many opportunities.

[00:06:34] Start with the easy stuff, closing the shower faucet and noticing the warm water sensations

[00:06:39] seize, putting your fork down when you're finished eating, turning the reading lamp off

[00:06:44] for the evening. See if you can appreciate how beautiful or at least poignant all of this

[00:06:49] coming and going is. The going of one experience is often synonymous with the coming of another,

[00:06:55] and sometimes there's a bittersweet quality to be noticed in the transition. Reaching

[00:07:00] the final moments of a book or a sunset or a slice of cake, closing the door after bidding

[00:07:07] your friends. Goodbye.

[00:07:13] You just listen to the post titled How To Let Go by David Kane of Raptor 2.com

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[00:08:52] Take it to David. I'm sure we all know some of what he talked about intuitively. The example

[00:08:58] my brother has given over on optimal health daily is if I tell you not to think about a pink

[00:09:04] elephant that whatever you do, you can think about anything just don't think about a pink

[00:09:10] elephant. Well chances are really good that the pink elephant will pop into your brain

[00:09:14] at some point. We think we have decent control over our thoughts but in reality it's harder

[00:09:20] than we think. No pun intended. And this has been the case for me in many different aspects

[00:09:26] of my life. When there's a memory you don't want to think about, it seems like it comes

[00:09:31] up more often. Or if you're dealing with a mental health issue maybe start googling

[00:09:36] it because you want to find the best solution but in doing that you fixate even more on

[00:09:42] it which then brings it top of mind and you think that you're experiencing it even more

[00:09:48] and that condition feels like it's becoming worse. That's common. It's even common for

[00:09:52] people to experience actual symptoms of something they simply read about when it's extremely

[00:09:57] unlikely that they even have that particular disease or condition. Our brains are capable

[00:10:02] of so much yet it can feel like so little is really in our control. And what David's

[00:10:08] talking about here is a very, very simple exercise for your brain that might be able to help

[00:10:14] I say very, very simple but it's definitely not easy. It can be extremely frustrating.

[00:10:20] At a very consistent meditation practice for years where I do a minimum of 30 minutes

[00:10:24] a day and I definitely experienced benefits but it's also not a cure all. What I do agree

[00:10:30] with though is that it can make your attention very sharp, sharpen up to cut through the

[00:10:34] noise and cut deep enough to understand where our thoughts are coming from and where we

[00:10:39] really want to direct them. It's best if you try it out yourself if you're up for it.

[00:10:44] You can't expect quick results but over time I do think you'll see how it helps. So try

[00:10:49] it out, let me know how it goes. Thank you for being here and for listening through

[00:10:52] to the end. Have a great rest of your day and I'll be back tomorrow where your optimal

[00:10:56] life awaits.