2518: 7 Powerful Mantras to Stop You from Overreacting and Arguing with People by Marc Chernoff of Marc and Angel

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[00:01:35] This is Optimal Health Daily Episode 2518. Seven powerful mantras to stop you from overreacting

[00:01:42] and arguing with people by Mark Scherna of markandangel.com. And I'm Dr. Niel Malyk.

[00:01:50] Hey there and welcome to another bonus Sunday episode where I share an article from one of the other

[00:01:55] podcasts in our network. Today's post comes from Optimal Relationships Daily where articles covering

[00:02:01] all types of relationships are read to you every day. So with that, here's an article from Greg

[00:02:06] as we optimize your life. Seven powerful mantras to stop you from overreacting and arguing with people

[00:02:17] by Mark Scherna of markandangel.com. Over the past several years there's a way of being

[00:02:24] that I've gradually been cultivating in myself. I've been taming my tendency to overreact and

[00:02:30] argue with people when their behavior doesn't match my expectations. As human beings, we all have an

[00:02:36] idea in our heads about how things are supposed to be. And sadly, this is what often messes our

[00:02:42] relationships up the most. We all get frustrated when things don't play out the way we expect them to

[00:02:48] and people don't behave like they're supposed to. We expect our spouses and children to act a certain

[00:02:53] way. Our friends to always agree with us. Strangers to be less difficult and so on and so forth.

[00:03:00] And when reality hits us and everyone seems to be doing the opposite of what we want them to do,

[00:03:06] we overreact, frustration, stress, arguments, tears, etc. So what can we do about this?

[00:03:14] Breathe. When you feel like your lid is about to blow, take a long deep breath. Deep breathing

[00:03:21] releases tension, calms down our fight or flight reactions and allows us to quiet our anxious

[00:03:28] nerves and choose more considerate and constructive responses. So for example, do your best to take a deep

[00:03:35] breath next time another driver cuts you off in traffic. In a recent poll we hosted with our core

[00:03:41] students overreacting while fighting traffic was the most commonly cited reason for overreacting.

[00:03:47] Just imagine if all the drivers on the road took deep breaths before making nasty hand gestures

[00:03:52] or screaming obscenities at others. There is no doubt that it can drive us crazy when we don't get

[00:03:58] what we expect from people, especially when it's completely out of our control but trying to change

[00:04:04] the unchangeable, wanting others to be exactly the way we want them to be just doesn't work. The

[00:04:10] alternative though is unthinkable to most of us, to breathe, to let go, to lead by example and

[00:04:17] to accept people even when they irritate us. Here's the way of being that I've been cultivating

[00:04:23] and advocating. To breathe deeply and often, to remind myself that I can't control other people,

[00:04:30] to remind myself that other people can handle their lives however they choose,

[00:04:35] to not take their behavior personally, to see the good in them, to let go of the ideals and

[00:04:41] expectations I have about others that cause unnecessary frustration, arguments, and general

[00:04:47] overreactions. To remember that when others are being difficult they are often going through a

[00:04:52] difficult time I know nothing about and to give them empathy, love, and space. Being this way

[00:04:59] takes practice, but it's worth it. It makes me less frustrated, it helps me to be more mindful,

[00:05:05] it improves my relationships, it lowers my stress and it allows me to make the world a slightly

[00:05:11] nicer place to be. I hope you will join me. These mantras can help us practice together.

[00:05:17] Mantras to stop overreaction and arguments

[00:05:21] Since like you I am only human, other people's chaotic behavior still gets an emotional rise out of

[00:05:27] me sometimes. So I've implemented a simple strategy to help me. In a nutshell, I proactively

[00:05:33] remind myself to take a deep breath when I need one and to practice what I preach. Anytime I catch

[00:05:39] myself doing the opposite, I pause and read the following mantras to myself. I keep them on my iPhone.

[00:05:46] Then I take some fresh deep breaths and begin my practice.

[00:05:50] Number 1. Inner peace and harmony begins the moment you take a deep breath and choose not to allow

[00:05:56] another person or event to control your thoughts and emotions. Angel and I discuss this in more detail

[00:06:02] in the inspiration chapter of 1000 little things happy successful people do differently.

[00:06:08] Number 2. Don't let the silly dramas of each day get the best of you. Be selective in your battles.

[00:06:14] Oftentimes, peace is better than being right. You simply don't need to attend every argument

[00:06:19] you are invited to. Number 3. Most people make themselves unhappy simply by finding it impossible

[00:06:26] to accept life just as it is presenting itself right now. Breathe. Sometimes you just need to slow

[00:06:32] down, stay calm and let things happen as they were supposed to happen. No commentary needed.

[00:06:39] Number 4. Inhale, exhale. A moment of silence and a moment of anger can save you from

[00:06:46] 100 moments of regret. Truth be told, you are often most powerful and influential in an argument

[00:06:52] when you are most silent. Others never expect silence, they expect yelling, drama, defensiveness,

[00:06:58] offensiveness and lots of back and forth. They expect to leap into the ring and fight.

[00:07:04] They are ready to defend themselves with slire marks cocked and loaded but you are mindful

[00:07:09] silence that can really disarm them. Number 5. Even when your frustration is justified

[00:07:16] and something needs to be said, don't be hateful. Keep your heart and mind wide open.

[00:07:21] Peace is not the absence of trouble but the presence of love. Be mindful and communicate

[00:07:27] accordingly. Number 6. It's much easier to overreact and judge people than it is to understand them.

[00:07:34] Understanding takes extra kindness and patience and this extra is what love is all about.

[00:07:41] Love is living your life but sharing it. It's forgiveness, patience, optimism and sometimes

[00:07:48] it's a hug or a smile when there's nothing left to say. Number 7. Keep doing your best not to

[00:07:54] overthink life's little frustrations and disagreements. Answers come to a relaxed mind.

[00:08:00] Space allows things to fall into place. A good attitude yields the best results in the end.

[00:08:05] You just listen to the post titled, 7 Powerful Montras to Stop You From Overreacting and

[00:08:15] Arguing with People. By Mark Schernoff of Markanangel.com

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[00:08:49] And thanks a million to Mark for that post and those great reminders.

[00:08:53] 7 truly wonderful bites of knowledge and calm that we can bring to otherwise stressful situations.

[00:08:58] If I may offer one more though, one to hover over the whole practice,

[00:09:03] I would bring it back to what Mark mentioned about patience. He said understanding takes extra kindness

[00:09:09] and patience, and while he is right in that this is true of how we interact with others,

[00:09:14] it's also crucial to remember that it's true of how we interact with ourselves.

[00:09:19] Overreacting and arguing are common practice for some people

[00:09:23] and have been for as long as they can remember. Now there's nothing wrong with this,

[00:09:28] but it does mean that it will likely take a while longer for long-term change to be implemented.

[00:09:34] And for the first reaction to not be aggression. So if this is you, whether it's in one situation

[00:09:40] or many, followed these mantras, but also be kind and patient with yourself during the times

[00:09:46] that it's harder to maintain or you come up short and become more argumentative than you'd like

[00:09:52] to be, this change can be a long-term practice and coming back and trying is what's more important

[00:09:58] than getting it right every single time. So on that note we are going to wrap this one up.

[00:10:03] It was a wonderful post and I'm glad I had you here with me today.

[00:10:06] You know I'll be back tomorrow and that will be with a post from another Mark,

[00:10:10] M-A-R-K though, Mark Manson. We'll start one of his two partners which are always fun.

[00:10:15] So I'll see you there where your optimal life awaits.