2561: [Part 1] You Can't Shame Yourself Into Health and Hotness by Jessi Kneeland with Mark Fisher Fitness

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[00:00:58] This is Optimal Health Daily, episode 2561. You can't shame yourself into health and hotness.

[00:01:06] Part 1 by Jesse Nealand with markfisherfitness.com. And I'm Dr. Neal, your host and narrator.

[00:01:13] Welcome back to another edition of Optimal Health Daily or welcome for the first time if you're new

[00:01:18] here. This is the podcast where I act as your very own personal narrator and read to you from

[00:01:23] some of the most popular health and fitness blogs online and always with a bit of my commentary at

[00:01:28] the end. Now today's post is a bit on the longer side, so I'll read the first half today and

[00:01:34] then finish it up for you tomorrow. So let's get right to it and hear part one of today's

[00:01:39] post as we optimize your life. You can't shame yourself into health and hotness.

[00:01:48] Part 1 by Jesse Nealand with markfisherfitness.com.

[00:01:53] I once worked with a woman named Ella who told me that every morning she would routinely look at

[00:01:58] fitness inspiration or Fitspo for short and then stand in front of the mirror and pick her body

[00:02:03] apart in an effort to get motivated to work out. Horrified, I asked Ella how effective this

[00:02:10] technique was. She said sometimes it worked because it made her want to change her habits

[00:02:14] immediately but sometimes it made her feel so bad about herself that she would skip the gym

[00:02:20] and spend the whole day binging instead. Despite those iffy results, she maintained the belief that

[00:02:28] if she were to stop this self-shaming ritual, she would never work out and never lose weight.

[00:02:34] Somewhere along the way, Ella had picked up on the idea that the best way to get motivated

[00:02:40] was to feel super terrible about herself. This is understandable since shame is motivation

[00:02:46] shows up everywhere from fat shaming images in doctors offices to Jillian Michael screaming at

[00:02:51] fat people to pretty much all advertising. Theoretically, the idea is that a person who

[00:02:56] feels sufficiently like garbage will do something to change. The problem with this idea, especially

[00:03:02] when it comes to habits of health and fitness, is that it is horribly, woefully, and dangerously

[00:03:09] false. Feelings of shame, humiliation and negativity actually tend to make a person

[00:03:15] more likely to give up on the very behavioral changes they were trying to get motivated to do.

[00:03:21] Let's look at how this works in practice. Shame as a motivator, does it work?

[00:03:26] You habitually browse through photos of young, fit, lean blondes doing

[00:03:31] yoga on beaches surrounded by captions like, what's your excuse to remind yourself that

[00:03:36] you are out of shape, fat, lazy and gross? Wanting to escape the shame of your grossness as

[00:03:41] quickly as possible, you start a strict diet plan and force yourself to exercise daily in ways you

[00:03:47] don't enjoy. You focus on being perfect with your plan to make up for being bad for so long.

[00:03:53] You check in daily with how you look and beat yourself up for not changing faster.

[00:03:57] Within a few weeks, you can't maintain the strict diet or exercise plan anymore because

[00:04:03] you feel too hungry and miserable, and you're still so far from the finish line. So really,

[00:04:09] what's the point? You binge on all the foods you promised yourself you wouldn't eat,

[00:04:13] and then figure since the plan is ruined anyway, you may as well stop exercising too,

[00:04:18] and you end up exactly where you started, only more frustrated with yourself.

[00:04:24] Been there, done that. If this sounds familiar, don't worry,

[00:04:28] there's nothing wrong with you. You're not lacking willpower, and the solution isn't to

[00:04:32] try harder next time. It's just that your plan was built on a foundation of shame

[00:04:37] and negative self-talk. So it was doomed to fail from the start. Let me say that again.

[00:04:43] You are not a failure. You just happened to pick a plan destined to fail.

[00:04:49] There are many reasons shaming yourself into long term health and fitness success

[00:04:54] doesn't work from the physiological, like how both dieting and exercising tend to make you feel

[00:04:59] super hungry, to the psychological, like how strict rules like I have to work out every day

[00:05:05] or I can't eat sugar bring out your inner rebel and make you want to do the exact opposite thing

[00:05:10] immediately. The truth is our bodies and brains just weren't built to be controlled under the

[00:05:16] strict tyranny of shame. Instead, we're wired to blossom under and lean toward the sunlight

[00:05:22] of compassion, acceptance and positivity. A kinder, gentler story. So let's talk about this.

[00:05:29] Despite what many people seem to think, accepting your body the way it is

[00:05:33] isn't about giving up or settling. And it definitely doesn't mean you can't change anything.

[00:05:40] Accepting your body is about simply refusing to attach a story about how your current body

[00:05:45] means anything bad or negative about you. Self-compassion goes a step further

[00:05:50] and means that you offer yourself the same kindness, sympathetic concern, warm and understanding

[00:05:56] you would offer your best friend or a child. Approaching yourself with compassion means

[00:06:01] recognizing that there is nothing wrong with you. It means acknowledging that you're doing

[00:06:05] your best and that you're in good company. Other people have felt how you feel and struggled

[00:06:11] how you're struggling so you're not alone. So let's take a look at what the decision to

[00:06:16] make some changes from a place of self-acceptance and self-compassion might look like.

[00:06:21] Acceptance and compassion as a motivator to health and hotness. You notice that you feel

[00:06:27] really out of shape one day when you're huffing to make it up a few flights of stairs

[00:06:31] and decide that you want to have more energy and stamina and get healthier because you deserve

[00:06:38] to thrive and feel strong. With curiosity instead of judgment, you examine how you got here

[00:06:44] and realize that over the last few years you've let self-care slide because you were focusing on

[00:06:50] other priorities, work and family. Understandable. You give yourself permission to move slowly in

[00:06:56] the direction you desire as a way of bringing even more energy to both of those important

[00:07:01] parts of your life. You layer in one new healthy behavior at a time aiming for progress rather

[00:07:08] than perfection. You pay attention to how these new behaviors make you feel and remember that

[00:07:13] occasionally slipping up is part of the process. Over time, you layer in more and more healthy

[00:07:20] behaviors focusing on how much better they make your life and celebrating your successes.

[00:07:26] One day you wake up and you realize you're in pretty good shape and that you're healthy

[00:07:31] and thriving. Obviously this scenario is more successful in the long term than the first one

[00:07:37] but doesn't it also sound a heck of a lot more pleasant?

[00:07:41] Exactly. Starting out. Hear that on tomorrow's episode. You just listened to part one of the

[00:07:52] post titled, You Can't Shame Yourself into Health and Hotness by Jesse Nieland with MarkFisherFitness.com

[00:07:59] and I'll be right back with my commentary. We're driven by the search for better but when it

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[00:09:08] Need to hire? You need Indeed. Dr. Niel here for my commentary. Remember when Jesse mentioned how

[00:09:16] telling yourself I can't eat sugar brings out your inner rebel and makes you want to do the

[00:09:21] exact opposite meaning eat more sugar? It's amazing how that works right? Well psychologists

[00:09:27] have been trying to figure out why this is and one theory is that when we spend too much of our

[00:09:31] brain power focusing on what not to do two things may happen. One, that brain power gets all used up

[00:09:39] leaving us with nothing left to help us make healthier decisions and two by focusing our

[00:09:45] attention on the things we don't want to be doing we become obsessed with them. I've used

[00:09:50] this example before. Imagine I tell you to keep your mind focused on anything you want except

[00:09:56] for blue skinned elephants. Okay? Just don't think about blue elephants. Stop thinking about them.

[00:10:03] What did I just tell you? Stop thinking about blue elephants, blue elephants, blue elephants,

[00:10:08] stop thinking about blue elephants. I said stop blue elephants already stop thinking about blue

[00:10:12] elephants, blue elephants, blue elephants. What ended up happening? You became hyper focused on

[00:10:18] them. You were like Dr. Niel just shut up for a second so I can stop thinking about blue

[00:10:21] elephant. Well this is the exact same process that happens when you tell yourself things like

[00:10:26] don't think about that piece of cake, don't think about that cake, cake, cake, cake or

[00:10:30] don't think about how badly I want that donut the boss brought in this morning,

[00:10:34] don't think about that donut, donut, donuts. So what's the solution? I bet you can guess.

[00:10:40] Hyper focus your attention on the things you want to be doing. Spend time thinking

[00:10:45] about ways to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into meals and snacks. Think about

[00:10:49] ways of squeezing in five minutes of activity during your busiest days or ways to take deep

[00:10:55] breaths when you feel like you don't have a moment to breathe. Become focused on your goals

[00:11:00] instead of what you're missing out on. That's how you stop that inner rebel of yours.

[00:11:05] Alright, that's it from me for today. I hope you have a great rest of your Tuesday.

[00:11:09] Thank you so much for listening. I'll be back here tomorrow to finish up this post.

[00:11:13] So I'll see you there where your optimal life awaits.