2590: 4 Ways to Help Children with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder by Emily Thompson of Gottman

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[00:01:37] your podcast app and be sure to pick the one from Optimal Living Daily. This is Optimal Health Daily episode 2590, 4 ways to help children with post-traumatic stress disorder by Emily Thompson of gottman.com. And I'm Dr. Neil. Hello and welcome to another bonus Sunday episode, where I share an

[00:01:58] article from one of the other podcasts in our network. Today's post comes from Optimal Relationships Daily, where articles covering all types of relationships are read to you every day. So with that, let's get right to it as we optimize your life. 4 ways to help children with post-traumatic

[00:02:20] stress disorder by Emily Thompson of gottman.com. Dealing with my son's PTSD and anxiety turned into a healing process for both of us. When my son was 9, he was in a car crash. A taxi ran a red light

[00:02:36] and slammed into the side of his best friend's father's car. Thankfully no one died, but there were a few broken bones and concussions. Those healed, but my son's psychological trauma took a bit more time and effort to treat and heal. He was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.

[00:02:53] He couldn't leave the house after the accident. Seeing a car made it difficult to breathe for him, and getting into one caused a full-blown panic attack. Little things became triggers, and suddenly everything was just too much for him. I never knew much about adolescent anxiety disorders,

[00:03:09] and professionals neglected studying them until recently. I'm a cyber security consultant with no background in mental health services, so it was overwhelming to begin with. However, I'd read studies that a parent's emotions and moods will affect their child's, and another one that pointed

[00:03:24] out the effect of mindful parenting on a child's ability to provide comfort to another child. And the Gottman Institute's Emotion Coaching Program emphasizes the importance of supporting children's emotions, and helping them to identify and label them, which helps to foster emotional

[00:03:40] intelligence in future relationships. But I didn't want to be a stressor for my son. I wanted him to be the best he could be. I wanted to help him manage his anxiety. Together, with my son's therapist, we learned the best steps on how to treat his anxiety,

[00:03:56] and they've made all the difference in the world to us. Take Your Time Everything doesn't have to happen at once. My son took his time when he needed it, and I never rushed him. Sometimes it would take him an

[00:04:09] hour to be able to leave the house, other times it would only take a few minutes. When it comes to managing mental illnesses, there shouldn't be any deadlines. Recovery and treatment needs

[00:04:19] to happen at a person's own pace. I never got frustrated when my son would take hours to get ready to leave the house, and I made sure he knew that. Being a mindful parent impacts your child's

[00:04:30] mental health as much as their physical health. So, I made sure he knew I wasn't ever angry or frustrated at him, only supportive, understanding, and compassionate. Little Steps First A house can be built from thousands of bricks,

[00:04:47] stable and stacked right and cemented together. What I wanted for my son was to have enough bricks to feel secure enough that, in a common fable, a wolf wouldn't huff and puff and blow it all down.

[00:04:58] Every little step was a brick. Every brick was important because it helped him form the walls of the house. The house was the safe space where things were okay and familiar. This visualization really helped him handle his treatment for anxiety, because he was able to see how his

[00:05:15] actions through treatment helped him gradually form that safe space. He was able to continue working on himself even when he felt he wasn't getting anywhere. Talk about the what and the why. Getting to the root of my son's anxiety was one of the main things that helped him.

[00:05:32] We communicated openly and honestly with each other. He would tell me that going outside made him scared, and I would share something with him in return. Then, when he was ready, we talked about

[00:05:43] why it made him so scared. It became easier for him to come up with a list of answers debunking his reasons for being anxious. So, anytime he would feel that way, he could read it and be reassured. Come up with Contingency Plans Contingency plans are good.

[00:06:00] Coming up with solutions for what to do yourself when you have a panic attack or feel triggered in any situation really helps. My son and I brainstormed which situations would make him anxious and what steps he could take to either remove himself from it, calm himself

[00:06:14] down enough to deal with it, or avoid it altogether. Though he had so many contingencies for little situations that I didn't think he needed them for, I still supported him after I realized that this,

[00:06:26] knowing that you can manage your anxiety, was one of the most important realizations my son could have. Knowing that I would be there for him if he needed to help, but knowing that he could do it

[00:06:37] himself really boosted his confidence and strengthened our relationship. My son is 11 now. He can leave the house. He can ride along in a car. He's still anxious, but he manages it and continues to grow from learning how to manage it. He's become an emotionally intelligent and

[00:06:56] healthy preteen, and I'm so proud. You just listened to the post titled, Four Ways to Help Children with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder by Emily Thompson of Gottman.com. Thanks a lot to Emily for a really great post today covering something that, as she mentioned,

[00:07:17] has gone relatively under-researched. Treating PTSD or any other diagnosable mental illness, it can obviously be a lot to conceptualize. It's easy to think of how extensive the treatment would be, which it can, and to get overwhelmed by that. But what I love that Emily did was remain

[00:07:35] compassionate and relatable for her son, something that we can do for ourselves as adults as well. Trauma can be challenging to overcome, but it can be done through the use of these understandable analogies and processes, such as what Emily did with her son,

[00:07:50] with encouraging him to visualize his growth as bricks stacking on top of one another, and sharing things that scared them together. This is great for children, but again, do not overlook this type of simplification when trying to help yourself or other adults too.

[00:08:06] This type of approach builds camaraderie, it helps problems seem more manageable, and it helps us not feel lost in the complexities of recovery. All very important things. So thanks to Emily for teaching us a great lesson today, and for sharing her story about her son's road

[00:08:22] to recovery. I'm sure it took a lot for her to recount those events, and for that we thank her. That will do it for today though everyone. Thanks a lot for tuning in and enjoying these last couple

[00:08:32] of parenting posts with me, and do be sure to come on back tomorrow for another Q&A episode where I will take a look at a listener's question about relationships and help them out. So have

[00:08:42] a good Friday night, and I will see you there tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.