2710: The Best Way to Keep Your Family Happy by Adina Soclof of Parenting Simply on Parent Advice

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Health Daily, the best way to keep your family happy by Adina Soclof of ParentingSimply.com and I'm Dr. Neal Malik.

[00:00:11] Hey there and welcome to another bonus Sunday episode where I share an article from one of the other podcasts in our network.

[00:00:17] Today's post comes from Optimal Relationships Daily, where articles covering all types of relationships are read to you every day.

[00:00:24] So, with that, here's an article from Greg as we optimize your life.

[00:00:34] The best way to keep your family happy by Adina Soclof of ParentingSimply.com

[00:00:40] Our family just spent a lot of time together over the spring holidays.

[00:00:45] We had lots of good times and some not so good times.

[00:00:49] We all took turns being in a bad mood. After 15 years of motherhood, it's still hard to admit that even adults that includes me get cranky and whiny.

[00:00:58] I used to get very upset when things were not always running smoothly and everyone was not on their best behavior.

[00:01:04] I finally came to the realization that family life is like a winding country road, sometimes even in flat and other times quite bumpy and hilly.

[00:01:15] The instances where everyone is level-headed and satisfied should be cherished as a gift.

[00:01:20] The bad moods are annoying but normal and usually need to be dealt with at some point every day.

[00:01:26] It's not easy to remain calm, cool and detached when you're watching your toddler tantrum, your teen slam doors, and your spouse getting snipi.

[00:01:35] Unfortunately, bad moods can be contagious, negativity breeds negativity.

[00:01:40] It helps if our bad moods and the bad moods of others are navigated with respect, empathy and acceptance.

[00:01:46] Here are five ways to help you keep your family happy.

[00:01:50] Number 1. Cut yourself some slack.

[00:01:53] Low states and feeling blue are an annoying but intrinsic part of life.

[00:01:58] When we are feeling blah, where we see others acting poorly, we tend to blow things out of proportion.

[00:02:05] We can become critical of ourselves and our family members.

[00:02:08] The best way to manage our bad moods and the bad moods of others is to accept them at face value and acknowledge them without any judgments.

[00:02:17] Criticizing Why do I always get so upset about everything?

[00:02:21] I'm such a party pooper. Why is she always whining about everything? She's so spoiled.

[00:02:27] Except the low state and be kind to yourself and others.

[00:02:31] Seems like I'm having a rough day, I'm in a low state. Nothing to worry about. I'll come around soon enough.

[00:02:37] She's having a rough day today. She usually doesn't act like this. Once she pulls herself together, she'll get back to her cheery self.

[00:02:45] Number 2. Be kind to others.

[00:02:48] Bad moods can also taint our perceptions of our kids in our spouses.

[00:02:53] Behavior that was considered normal one day may seem contentious and irksome when one is feeling down.

[00:02:59] Resettlement confessed her and the blame game starts. If we recognize that our bad mood is the cause of the negativity, we can avoid conflict.

[00:03:07] Blaming others. Why do you kids have to complain about everything? You're so annoying and rude.

[00:03:14] Recognizing the low state.

[00:03:15] I must be in a really bad mood. Everything they do or say is bothering me, even the things that they do regularly that I usually don't notice.

[00:03:25] Number 3. Talk about yourself.

[00:03:28] Family who have healthy communication and coping skills will manage the rough spots more effectively.

[00:03:33] It's helpful for parents to learn ways to deal with the frustrations of everyday life with kids so that they can act as role models.

[00:03:40] Children learn best by observing their parents behavior. If parents are calmer and less prone to bad moods, children will naturally follow suit.

[00:03:49] In my classes I teach parents to use one of the most helpful, productive and effective communication tools, the eye statement.

[00:03:56] Every member of the family can use this handy skill.

[00:04:00] Instead of accusing, you're acting like a baby with all this crying and yelling.

[00:04:04] Speak about your feelings. I'm getting frustrated with all this fighting. I'm having trouble holding on to my patients with all the loud fighting going on around me.

[00:04:15] Children can also be taught to use the eye statements.

[00:04:18] Instead of accusing, you are so stupid. Teach them to speak about themselves.

[00:04:24] I get upset when you tease me about my questions. I don't like it when you touch my stuff without permission.

[00:04:30] Number 3. Don't do anything.

[00:04:33] Many health professionals recommend postponing any important decisions until good humor is restored.

[00:04:39] Discussions of a serious nature should be avoided as well until everyone is feeling happy.

[00:04:44] It's fair for family members to say to one another, I'm feeling overwhelmed right now.

[00:04:49] I need to let you know later if I can check our own for your school trip.

[00:04:52] I'm not in the best of moods. Can we have this discussion another time?

[00:04:57] Number 4. Take a breather.

[00:04:59] When emotions are running high, it's the time for everyone to take a break from each other.

[00:05:04] When members of your family are not getting along, gently encourage them to find a quiet place to recharge.

[00:05:11] Parents can do this by role modeling.

[00:05:13] Boy, am I in a bad mood?

[00:05:15] I need a couple of minutes of quiet to pull myself out of this funk. I'll be in my room if you need me.

[00:05:25] You just listen to the post titled The Best Way to Keep Your Family Happy by Adina Sockloff of ParentingSimply.com

[00:05:33] And this was an awesome post from Adina today as per usual.

[00:05:37] I really love her constant use of examples for how we can talk to our children.

[00:05:42] It makes retaining her lesson so much easier, at least to me.

[00:05:45] Now I want to talk about one of her thoughts today, as I found it to be really relevant, not just a family life but everyday life.

[00:05:52] And that is the idea of accepting the low states.

[00:05:55] This is so important on a familial scale, on a personal scale and on a global scale.

[00:06:01] It's very easy to get so wrapped up in bad times and we tend to forget that disaster striking on any scale is not an exception, but it's the norm.

[00:06:13] Sure we may do our best to prevent it, but low periods even if they come with unbelievable horror,

[00:06:20] are part of our own journey and the journey of the world.

[00:06:23] No, we do not have to like them. No, we do not have to stand by, let them happen and try to delegitimize them.

[00:06:29] But we can prepare ourselves for them. We can count on them coming sometimes and just get better at sitting with that reality when times are good.

[00:06:40] This keeps us more grounded and less attached during the good times, but also more balanced and aware in the bad times.

[00:06:47] Definitely something we can all take time to reflect on more.

[00:06:50] And to me it helps us be better agents of change during the bad times when we're not so overwhelmed by them if that makes sense.

[00:06:59] That's it for me though everybody. I thank you so much for being here with me once again.

[00:07:03] I always love our time together, I'm wishing you a great rest of your Friday and do be sure to come on back for tomorrow's Q&A where we will help out one of your fellow listeners.

[00:07:12] That's where your optimal life awaits.