2731: Asking the Right Questions by Steve Pavlina on Overall Well-being & Achieving Goals

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[00:01:11] And I'm Dr. Neil Malek.

[00:01:14] Welcome back to Optimal Health Daily, where I read to you every day covering the best health and fitness blogs with permission from the websites,

[00:01:22] and always with a bit of my commentary at the end.

[00:01:24] And with that, let's get right to the post as we optimize your life.

[00:01:33] Asking the Right Questions by Steve Pavlina of stevepavlina.com

[00:01:39] Tony Robbins says that thinking is a process of asking and answering questions.

[00:01:43] He stresses the importance of asking the right questions to get the right answers, and therefore, the right results.

[00:01:50] I agree with him.

[00:01:52] Most people ask lousy questions that cripple their results.

[00:01:56] Lousy questions turn your focus away from what you want and towards more of what you don't want.

[00:02:01] And since we ask and answer mental questions every day, our questions wield great power over our results.

[00:02:08] Here are some examples of weak questions versus strong questions.

[00:02:13] Upon waking up early.

[00:02:15] Weak.

[00:02:16] Can I fall back asleep again?

[00:02:18] Should I go back to bed?

[00:02:20] Strong.

[00:02:21] What would be the best way to start my day?

[00:02:24] How can I energize myself?

[00:02:26] Where can I find something inspirational or motivational to read right now?

[00:02:30] When contemplating exercise and feeling unmotivated.

[00:02:34] Weak.

[00:02:35] Is it too hot or too cold to exercise?

[00:02:38] Can I skip it for today?

[00:02:40] What difference will it make if I just skip a day?

[00:02:43] Don't I deserve a day off?

[00:02:45] Strong.

[00:02:46] Won't it feel great hitting the showers afterwards?

[00:02:49] What should I listen to while I work out?

[00:02:52] Won't it be wonderful to achieve my fitness goals?

[00:02:54] How can I make this session more fun?

[00:02:57] When considering a dietary improvement.

[00:03:00] Weak.

[00:03:01] What foods am I going to have to give up?

[00:03:03] How am I going to deal with the deprivation?

[00:03:05] Am I going to have to eat like this forever?

[00:03:08] Strong.

[00:03:09] What foods that I like will I get to eat more of?

[00:03:12] What new foods can I experiment with?

[00:03:15] Won't it be great when I reach my goal weight?

[00:03:17] Won't it be wonderful to finally master this area of my life once and for all?

[00:03:22] Once I succeed at this, who else can I help?

[00:03:26] Nearing the end of the workday.

[00:03:28] Weak.

[00:03:29] Have I done enough that I can justify quitting for the day?

[00:03:32] Is this a good time to stop?

[00:03:34] Can I finish this tomorrow?

[00:03:36] Strong.

[00:03:37] What's next?

[00:03:38] How can I complete one more task?

[00:03:41] How much more can I get done today?

[00:03:44] When spending time with the kids.

[00:03:46] Weak.

[00:03:47] Why do I have to do so much child care?

[00:03:50] How can I keep the kids from draining my energy this evening?

[00:03:53] What's the bare minimum I can do to keep them out of my hair?

[00:03:56] How early can I put them to bed?

[00:03:59] Strong.

[00:04:00] What can I do with the kids that will leave me feeling energized?

[00:04:03] What do I appreciate most about my kids?

[00:04:06] What would I enjoy doing with them this evening?

[00:04:09] What would happen if I let my kids direct how we spend our time together?

[00:04:13] When facing an unfamiliar social situation.

[00:04:17] Weak.

[00:04:17] How can I avoid looking like an idiot?

[00:04:20] What should I talk about?

[00:04:21] How can I keep from being too nervous or shy?

[00:04:24] How did I get myself into this situation?

[00:04:27] Can I get out of going?

[00:04:28] Strong.

[00:04:29] Won't it be fun to meet some interesting new people?

[00:04:32] If I see someone there who's a bit shy, what can I do to make them feel more comfortable?

[00:04:37] What can I expect others at this event to have in common with me?

[00:04:41] When feeling depressed, anxious, or otherwise negative.

[00:04:45] Weak.

[00:04:46] Why do I feel so down?

[00:04:48] Why can't I be happy?

[00:04:50] How come I never get any time to myself?

[00:04:53] Strong.

[00:04:54] What can I do to energize myself?

[00:04:57] Who can I talk to that would help cheer me up?

[00:04:59] What can I read or listen to that would inspire me?

[00:05:02] Are these feelings trying to tell me something?

[00:05:05] Should I go journal about them?

[00:05:06] How long can I hold a fake smile before it forces me to start feeling good again?

[00:05:11] What's the difference?

[00:05:13] Weak questions are disempowering.

[00:05:16] They keep you focused on your own ego, your problems, and your shortcomings.

[00:05:21] Weak questions keep you focused on what's wrong or what isn't working.

[00:05:24] That might seem like a good idea, but all it does is further reinforce the situation you'd like to change.

[00:05:31] Weak questions will lead your brain to come up with answers that are useless, circular, or even destructive.

[00:05:37] Yet weak questions are addictive.

[00:05:40] At first glance, they may even seem helpful, and that's why they're so insidious.

[00:05:45] You might think that if you're depressed, the best thing you can do is to ask,

[00:05:49] Why am I so depressed?

[00:05:51] Perhaps if you could diagnose the problem, you could cure it.

[00:05:53] But it doesn't work that way.

[00:05:55] When you're in a negative state or situation, you aren't thinking clearly to begin with.

[00:06:00] You're in no position to accurately diagnose yourself.

[00:06:03] Effectively, you're blind.

[00:06:05] So the answers you get back will be worthless.

[00:06:08] At best, you'll merely come up with a temporary solution, but the underlying condition will remain,

[00:06:14] and the problem will simply submerge and crop up again later, sometimes in a different form.

[00:06:21] Asking why you're depressed merely feeds your depression.

[00:06:24] In answering the why question, now you've added a story on top of your depression.

[00:06:28] That goes way beyond acknowledging your depression and trying to do something about it.

[00:06:33] Strong questions are empowering.

[00:06:36] They keep you focused on solutions, on what you can control.

[00:06:40] When you focus on what you can do, you avoid falling into analysis paralysis.

[00:06:45] Ultimately, the way out of any negative situation is right thinking.

[00:06:50] Wrong thinking leads you in circles.

[00:06:52] Right thinking leads to action.

[00:06:54] Going back to the depression example, the first thing you need to do is to get yourself

[00:06:59] to a more positive emotional state.

[00:07:02] And with practice, that can be done in a matter of minutes, even seconds if you study neurolinguistic

[00:07:07] processing.

[00:07:09] Strong questions will help you shift your focus away from depression and the thoughts that reinforce

[00:07:13] it, and towards action.

[00:07:16] When you focus too much thought on what you can't control and what you don't like, depression

[00:07:21] is a natural consequence.

[00:07:22] When you ask different questions to focus on what you can control and what you like, depression

[00:07:28] will lift.

[00:07:29] Mediocre results largely come about from asking mediocre questions.

[00:07:34] Great results come from asking great questions.

[00:07:37] If you don't like the results you're getting, try asking completely different questions from

[00:07:42] the ones you're used to asking.

[00:07:44] Ask questions that turn your focus towards your goals instead of away from them.

[00:07:48] Ask questions that allow you to enhance the pleasure in your life instead of creating greater

[00:07:53] pain.

[00:07:58] You just listened to the post titled, Asking the Right Questions by Steve Pavlina of stevepavlina.com

[00:08:04] and I'll be right back with my commentary.

[00:08:07] Dr. Neil here for my commentary.

[00:08:09] I agree with today's author Steve that what we tell ourselves, those conversations that

[00:08:14] we have within our heads, can often make the difference between whether we take action or

[00:08:19] stay on the couch.

[00:08:19] One of my most favoritest questions to ask myself whenever I'm anxious about something or dreading

[00:08:26] an event or need to find a reason to get back on task and not procrastinate is this.

[00:08:32] How would my best self respond to this situation?

[00:08:37] Imagine the best version of yourself and then ask how that version of you would react to the

[00:08:43] situation you're facing.

[00:08:44] Would that best version of you be anxious, lack motivation, and procrastinate?

[00:08:49] Or would they be able to tackle almost anything and with an air of confidence?

[00:08:55] So, whenever you experience those moments where your brain is telling you to call it quits,

[00:09:00] ask yourself, how would my best self act in this situation?

[00:09:05] Alright, that'll do it for today's episode.

[00:09:07] I hope you're having a wonderful day.

[00:09:09] And don't forget, I'll be back here tomorrow for our usual Friday Q&A.

[00:09:13] So, I'll see you there where your optimal life awaits.