2753: Knowing vs Feeling by Jessi Kneeland on Body Neutrality

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[00:01:05] This is Optimal Health Daily,

[00:01:07] Knowing vs. Feeling by Jesse Neyland of jesseneyland.com

[00:01:12] and I'm Dr. Neil, your very own personal narrator.

[00:01:15] Hey there, welcome to a Tuesday edition

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[00:01:47] Knowing vs. Feeling by Jesse Neyland of jesseneyland.com

[00:01:53] Your body image issues need your love and acceptance.

[00:01:58] Ugh, I don't know why I even care so much about this.

[00:02:02] This is something new clients often say to me

[00:02:04] when I ask them about their body image.

[00:02:06] It can be truly jarring to acknowledge

[00:02:08] how much hostility and contempt you feel

[00:02:10] toward your own body,

[00:02:11] or how much time and attention you spend

[00:02:14] thinking about food, exercise, or your appearance,

[00:02:18] especially when doing so goes against

[00:02:21] your conscious beliefs or values.

[00:02:23] My clients tend to be extremely competent,

[00:02:26] well-educated, and good at problem-solving.

[00:02:28] They understand that, realistically,

[00:02:31] nobody else cares if they wear an unflattering outfit,

[00:02:34] and nobody else would probably even notice

[00:02:36] if they gain or lose a few pounds.

[00:02:39] They also tend to be informed

[00:02:40] and passionate about social justice.

[00:02:42] They understand that, at times,

[00:02:44] they may feel as though they're exposed

[00:02:46] to overlapping systems of oppression

[00:02:48] and may actively try to dismantle them,

[00:02:51] both inside themselves and in the world.

[00:02:54] They understand that beauty ideals

[00:02:56] and weight stigma are sexist, racist, and ableist,

[00:03:00] and believe, when it comes to other people anyway,

[00:03:03] that a person's worth is innate and unconditional,

[00:03:06] and has nothing whatsoever to do with how they look.

[00:03:08] Because they can recognize all of this on a conscious level,

[00:03:13] my clients often find it easy to extend compassion,

[00:03:16] kindness, and acceptance to others,

[00:03:18] and would never hold anyone else

[00:03:21] to the impossibly high standard

[00:03:23] to which they hold themselves.

[00:03:25] You might think that knowing all of those things

[00:03:28] would make a person feel better,

[00:03:30] but you would be wrong.

[00:03:32] It's incredibly frustrating when what you know

[00:03:34] doesn't match what you feel,

[00:03:36] and people in this situation tend to be

[00:03:38] even more critical of and hard on themselves,

[00:03:42] not less.

[00:03:43] My clients simply cannot understand

[00:03:45] why they still care so much about something

[00:03:48] they consciously know is wrong.

[00:03:50] Still caring about their weight

[00:03:52] after learning about diet culture and weight stigma

[00:03:54] makes them feel stupid or weak,

[00:03:56] and still wanting to look a certain way

[00:03:59] after becoming aware of the harm

[00:04:00] caused by unrealistic beauty ideals

[00:04:02] makes them feel like failures or hypocrites.

[00:04:05] The first thing I do with these clients

[00:04:07] is educate them on the fact

[00:04:09] that our body image issues

[00:04:11] aren't an issue of logic.

[00:04:13] They exist on a deeper plane in the unconscious,

[00:04:17] which is why changing your beliefs

[00:04:18] doesn't necessarily make them go away.

[00:04:21] Body image issues exist for a reason.

[00:04:25] They're always trying to protect you,

[00:04:27] solve a problem,

[00:04:28] or help you get your needs met.

[00:04:30] And by needs here,

[00:04:31] I mean your deepest human needs

[00:04:33] like safety,

[00:04:34] love,

[00:04:35] and belonging,

[00:04:36] even if you're not aware of it.

[00:04:38] The truth is that we live in a world

[00:04:40] where a person's appearance

[00:04:41] can expose a person to rejection,

[00:04:43] exclusion,

[00:04:44] and humiliation,

[00:04:45] as well as literally limit their access

[00:04:47] to things like jobs,

[00:04:49] housing,

[00:04:50] healthcare,

[00:04:50] and bodily autonomy.

[00:04:52] Our bodies obviously

[00:04:53] shouldn't have the power

[00:04:55] to impact our ability to feel safe

[00:04:57] or get our needs met,

[00:04:58] but sadly,

[00:04:59] they do.

[00:05:00] Is it really any wonder

[00:05:02] we obsess over something

[00:05:03] we've learned is so important?

[00:05:05] Is it really a mystery

[00:05:06] why we care so much?

[00:05:08] I say all of this

[00:05:09] not to bum you out,

[00:05:11] but to help you understand

[00:05:12] that your body image issues

[00:05:14] make sense

[00:05:15] and follow their own internal logic.

[00:05:18] Being unable to stop thinking about

[00:05:20] monitoring,

[00:05:22] hating,

[00:05:22] or wanting to change your body

[00:05:24] doesn't mean you're crazy,

[00:05:26] stupid,

[00:05:26] weak,

[00:05:27] or superficial.

[00:05:28] It just means

[00:05:29] you're a human being

[00:05:31] doing your best to survive.

[00:05:33] My hope

[00:05:34] is that by recognizing this fact,

[00:05:36] you'll be able to offer yourself

[00:05:38] more compassion

[00:05:39] for struggling with body image

[00:05:40] because the first step

[00:05:42] to overcoming body image issues

[00:05:43] is to forgive yourself

[00:05:45] for having them.

[00:05:46] I know this is a weird thing

[00:05:48] for a body image coach to say,

[00:05:50] but what if you gave yourself

[00:05:52] permission

[00:05:52] to hate your body today

[00:05:54] or

[00:05:55] to wish it was different?

[00:05:56] What if you stopped judging yourself

[00:05:58] for caring so much

[00:05:59] and just let yourself

[00:06:01] be where you are

[00:06:02] and feel how you feel?

[00:06:04] If you're like most of my clients,

[00:06:06] doing exactly that

[00:06:07] will immediately make you feel calmer

[00:06:09] and less upset

[00:06:10] because it interrupts the spiral

[00:06:12] of meta-self-judgment,

[00:06:14] meaning

[00:06:14] judging yourself

[00:06:16] for judging yourself.

[00:06:17] Giving yourself permission

[00:06:19] to hate your body

[00:06:20] or wish it was different

[00:06:21] when that

[00:06:22] is the truth

[00:06:23] of the moment for you

[00:06:24] is often the crucial

[00:06:25] first act

[00:06:26] of self-compassion

[00:06:27] and acceptance

[00:06:28] that we can offer ourselves.

[00:06:30] And unlike anger

[00:06:31] or judgment,

[00:06:32] compassion

[00:06:33] and acceptance

[00:06:33] have the power

[00:06:35] to start the healing process

[00:06:36] in your body

[00:06:38] instead of just your mind.

[00:06:40] If your body image issues

[00:06:41] come from a deep feeling

[00:06:43] that you are abandoned

[00:06:44] or rejected,

[00:06:45] that part of you

[00:06:46] desperately needs you

[00:06:47] to welcome them

[00:06:48] with love

[00:06:48] and acceptance,

[00:06:50] not shoved down

[00:06:51] or cast out.

[00:06:52] If they come from feeling

[00:06:54] scared

[00:06:54] or unsafe,

[00:06:55] that part needs you

[00:06:57] to show up for it

[00:06:58] like you would

[00:06:58] for a frightened child

[00:06:59] with comfort

[00:07:00] and protection,

[00:07:02] not with irritation

[00:07:03] or judgment.

[00:07:04] And if they come from

[00:07:05] pain

[00:07:05] or hurt,

[00:07:07] that part of you

[00:07:07] needs compassion

[00:07:08] and care.

[00:07:10] Because your body image issues

[00:07:11] exist to protect

[00:07:12] or help you

[00:07:13] in some way,

[00:07:14] being their friend

[00:07:15] is the most powerful

[00:07:16] thing you can do

[00:07:16] to kickstart

[00:07:17] the experience

[00:07:18] of feeling different

[00:07:19] instead of just

[00:07:20] knowing different.

[00:07:21] If you've been struggling

[00:07:22] with this too,

[00:07:24] try this exercise.

[00:07:25] 1.

[00:07:26] Get comfy.

[00:07:28] Set aside a few minutes

[00:07:29] to yourself

[00:07:30] and set yourself up

[00:07:31] in whatever way

[00:07:32] makes you feel cared for.

[00:07:34] Put on comfortable clothes

[00:07:35] like an oversized hoodie,

[00:07:37] light a candle

[00:07:38] if that makes you happy,

[00:07:39] cozy up

[00:07:40] with a bunch of pillows

[00:07:41] or lay down in bed.

[00:07:43] 2.

[00:07:44] Think about your body

[00:07:45] and observe

[00:07:46] what comes up.

[00:07:48] When you think

[00:07:49] about your body,

[00:07:49] do you feel

[00:07:50] negative sensations

[00:07:51] or emotions?

[00:07:52] If so,

[00:07:53] where in your body

[00:07:54] are they located

[00:07:55] and what do they feel like?

[00:07:56] Do mean,

[00:07:57] critical,

[00:07:58] or judgmental thoughts

[00:07:59] come up?

[00:08:00] If so,

[00:08:01] whose voice

[00:08:02] are they speaking in

[00:08:03] and what are they saying?

[00:08:04] Just notice.

[00:08:06] 3.

[00:08:07] Open a dialogue

[00:08:08] with your body image

[00:08:09] to stress.

[00:08:10] Personify the mean voice

[00:08:12] in your head

[00:08:12] or the uncomfortable

[00:08:13] feelings in your body.

[00:08:15] What does your distress

[00:08:16] look like?

[00:08:17] A frightened child?

[00:08:18] A wounded animal?

[00:08:20] A weird little gremlin?

[00:08:22] Whatever you picture,

[00:08:23] say hello to it

[00:08:24] and let it know

[00:08:25] that it's welcome

[00:08:26] and safe with you.

[00:08:27] Talk to it

[00:08:28] in whatever way

[00:08:29] feels right,

[00:08:29] but always with an intention

[00:08:31] to make it feel safe,

[00:08:33] accepted,

[00:08:34] cared for,

[00:08:34] protected,

[00:08:35] or loved.

[00:08:36] Tell it you want

[00:08:38] to be its friend

[00:08:38] and that it's not alone anymore.

[00:08:40] Ask what it needs

[00:08:42] from you to feel better

[00:08:42] and then

[00:08:43] really listen.

[00:08:46] 4.

[00:08:46] Promise to come back.

[00:08:48] Whenever you're done

[00:08:50] talking to this part

[00:08:51] of yourself,

[00:08:52] thank it

[00:08:52] for talking to you

[00:08:53] and either promise

[00:08:54] to come back soon

[00:08:55] if you will

[00:08:56] or just let it know

[00:08:57] that from now on

[00:08:58] you intend to be

[00:09:00] its ally,

[00:09:01] friend,

[00:09:01] or protector.

[00:09:02] And 5.

[00:09:04] Reflect.

[00:09:05] How did your body

[00:09:06] feel during this exercise?

[00:09:08] Did it change

[00:09:09] at any point?

[00:09:10] If so,

[00:09:11] when?

[00:09:12] What emotions

[00:09:13] or insights

[00:09:14] came up,

[00:09:14] if any?

[00:09:15] What did you learn

[00:09:16] about this part

[00:09:17] of yourself

[00:09:17] or what you need

[00:09:18] to heal?

[00:09:19] And,

[00:09:20] did any part

[00:09:21] of the experience

[00:09:22] surprise you?

[00:09:26] You just listened

[00:09:27] to the post titled

[00:09:28] Knowing vs. Feeling

[00:09:30] by Jesse Neiland

[00:09:31] of jesseneiland.com

[00:09:33] and I'll be right back

[00:09:34] with my commentary.

[00:09:36] Dr. Neil here

[00:09:37] for my commentary.

[00:09:38] Studies have actually

[00:09:40] found that

[00:09:40] just as today's author

[00:09:42] Jesse said,

[00:09:43] how others feel

[00:09:44] about our body

[00:09:45] or body acceptance

[00:09:47] by others

[00:09:47] is important

[00:09:48] when shaping

[00:09:49] our own positive

[00:09:50] body image

[00:09:51] and our overall

[00:09:52] well-being.

[00:09:54] In fact,

[00:09:54] one researcher

[00:09:55] goes on to say

[00:09:56] that how others

[00:09:58] feel about our body,

[00:09:59] basically body acceptance

[00:10:01] by others,

[00:10:02] is one of the best

[00:10:04] predictors

[00:10:04] of positive

[00:10:05] body image

[00:10:06] and possibly

[00:10:07] even our

[00:10:08] healthier eating habits.

[00:10:10] So when researchers

[00:10:11] study why

[00:10:12] some individuals

[00:10:13] have a positive

[00:10:14] body image

[00:10:14] and others don't,

[00:10:16] they found that

[00:10:17] those with a positive

[00:10:18] body image

[00:10:19] may be better able

[00:10:20] to take a moment

[00:10:21] to admire their body's

[00:10:22] unique characteristics

[00:10:23] and capabilities

[00:10:24] instead of focusing on

[00:10:26] just their outer appearance

[00:10:28] or what they see

[00:10:29] as imperfections.

[00:10:30] Researchers believe

[00:10:32] that by taking

[00:10:33] that moment

[00:10:33] to admire their bodies

[00:10:35] and its unique characteristics

[00:10:37] and capabilities,

[00:10:38] it trains the brain

[00:10:39] to stop linking

[00:10:41] the beauty standard

[00:10:42] society imposes

[00:10:43] to how we see ourselves.

[00:10:45] Hmm,

[00:10:46] wait a second,

[00:10:47] this sounds exactly

[00:10:48] like what today's author

[00:10:50] Jessie suggested we do.

[00:10:52] So try out

[00:10:53] the mindfulness exercise

[00:10:54] she suggested

[00:10:55] and repeat it

[00:10:56] every so often

[00:10:57] to remind our brains

[00:10:58] to disconnect

[00:10:59] from how society believes

[00:11:00] we should look.

[00:11:02] Alright,

[00:11:03] that'll do it for today.

[00:11:04] Thank you so much

[00:11:05] for listening.

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[00:11:06] a subscriber

[00:11:07] or follower

[00:11:08] of the show.

[00:11:09] I hope you have

[00:11:09] a great rest of your day

[00:11:10] and I'll see you

[00:11:11] back here tomorrow

[00:11:12] where your optimal life

[00:11:13] awaits.