2790: When Self-Care Becomes Self-Sabotage by Sara Stanizai on Self-Awareness and Personal Development

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[00:00:38] This is Optimal Health Daily, When Self-Care Becomes Self-Sabotage by Sara Stanizai of ProspectTherapy.com and I'm Dr. Neal.

[00:00:49] Hey there, welcome to another bonus Sunday episode.

[00:00:52] This is where I like to share an episode from another podcast in our network, usually overlapping a bit with what we talk about here.

[00:00:59] And today's post comes from my brother's podcast, Optimal Living Daily.

[00:01:04] You can find that podcast wherever you're hearing this.

[00:01:07] So with that, here's my brother Justin as we optimize your life.

[00:01:15] When Self-Care Becomes Self-Sabotage by Sara Stanizai of ProspectTherapy.com

[00:01:23] Self-Care has become something of a buzzword in the past few years, and with good reason.

[00:01:28] In an increasingly busy world, an emphasis has put on taking time out to reflect on our own well-being and how we treat ourselves.

[00:01:36] Plus the outdated notion that it's wrong to be selfish or sometimes indulge is no longer the norm.

[00:01:42] What happens when self-care turns into self-sabotage?

[00:01:47] It can be hard to tell, but sometimes our self-care routines are bordering on self-sabotage.

[00:01:53] They're not good for us at all.

[00:01:55] While it is essential to treat yourself from time to time, and also create an environment that isn't toxic and burning you out,

[00:02:02] it's just as important to recognize when your habits start holding you back.

[00:02:08] Let's take a look at a few examples of everyday self-care routines that can border on self-sabotage if they're done too frequently or for the wrong reasons.

[00:02:18] Enjoying a drink after a long day.

[00:02:21] We've all been there.

[00:02:22] After an exhausting day, sometimes nothing sounds better than popping the cork on a bottle of wine and just relaxing.

[00:02:28] Alcohol can be a great way to unwind, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying a drink or two.

[00:02:33] If you choose to have a drink after a particularly grueling day, then this can qualify as self-care.

[00:02:40] However, using alcohol or other substances routinely to dull your feelings is not actually doing you any favors.

[00:02:48] Those feelings are still there, and avoiding them just prolongs or worsens their impact.

[00:02:54] In addition, alcohol use can become a slippery slope.

[00:02:58] One drink turns into two, two into three, and before you know it, your routine involves drinking every single night.

[00:03:06] Everyone has different limits, so what may be heavy drinking for some isn't so for others.

[00:03:11] However, becoming dependent on substances of any type to moderate or medicate our stressful emotions can lead to trouble down the line.

[00:03:20] It's crucial to know your limits and recognize when enough is enough.

[00:03:25] Otherwise, you may find yourself becoming too dependent on this form of self-care.

[00:03:29] That may end up sabotaging you.

[00:03:32] Obsessing about food

[00:03:34] One of the greatest comforts in life is food.

[00:03:38] Sure, it's helpful to make an effort to eat well and make healthy decisions about food, whatever that means for you.

[00:03:43] You are allowed to eat without feeling guilty.

[00:03:47] And food provides so much more than just nutrition and energy.

[00:03:50] There's a reason that all 256 cooking shows are so mesmerizing.

[00:03:54] Preparing, enjoying, and sharing meals can do wonders for your mental health.

[00:04:00] It borders on self-sabotage when you stop making conscious decisions and food begins controlling you.

[00:04:07] Sometimes strict plans have the superficial appearance of being healthy,

[00:04:11] but they actually can hold you back and impact your mental health.

[00:04:16] It's a slippery slope toward restricting, binging, or masking emotional distress.

[00:04:22] Again, everyone knows what's best for their body when it comes to food,

[00:04:26] but mindfulness goes a long way.

[00:04:29] Avoiding situations and the accountability that goes with them.

[00:04:33] Let's say you had a big fight with your best friend.

[00:04:36] You need time to cool off so you avoid their calls and texts.

[00:04:39] You might even avoid the situation altogether and eventually end the friendship because,

[00:04:44] well, self-care.

[00:04:45] This is okay to an extent.

[00:04:48] You're allowed to take time to process your emotions.

[00:04:51] Furthermore, it's for the best to temporarily avoid contact

[00:04:54] to ensure that you don't say anything hurtful out of anger.

[00:04:58] It becomes problematic when you continuously ignore the situation long after it occurred.

[00:05:04] You're sabotaging yourself when you don't develop the skills to repair a relationship.

[00:05:09] This means taking accountability, giving an apology, and accepting where your growth happens.

[00:05:16] Sure, no one enjoys conflict, and yet it's a part of life.

[00:05:20] It is inevitable whenever we attempt to have relationships with other people.

[00:05:25] At times within a relationship, you have to question whether this is a hill you're willing to die on.

[00:05:30] Ultimately, the sooner you resolve the issue, the better you'll feel.

[00:05:35] However, if you continue to ignore the situation, you may lose someone important to you for good.

[00:05:41] And that's not fair to you, nor the other person.

[00:05:45] Rest versus stagnation.

[00:05:47] No doubt about it, our culture values productivity.

[00:05:51] At times, we're our own engine of workaholism, putting in 70-hour weeks to get that promotion.

[00:05:57] Other times, we're at the mercy of economic forces outside of ourselves, working two jobs to make ends meet.

[00:06:04] Whatever it is that drives us, it is important to get a good night's sleep and take the time to pause,

[00:06:09] and at times, just do nothing in order to manage our health and our mood.

[00:06:14] In this kind of environment, it can be hard enough to make ourselves rest.

[00:06:18] It is an important goal if you're always on the go.

[00:06:20] Take note, however, if you stop being able to deliberately choose when you rest and when you get to work.

[00:06:28] If your pattern becomes vegging on the couch and watching Netflix every night for months,

[00:06:33] at the expense of making progress on your larger goals,

[00:06:36] there is a chance that you are escaping your feelings and avoiding confronting something within yourself.

[00:06:41] We optimize our lives by striking a balance between resting our current selves and dedication to our future selves.

[00:06:50] If you're not willing to stop or at least slow down,

[00:06:52] you'll inevitably find yourself equally unable to take action or get motivated.

[00:06:57] Ironically, skipping the rest and relaxation part will sabotage you by forcing you to a grinding halt later.

[00:07:03] If you feel like you may be losing touch,

[00:07:06] there is no shame in seeking professional help to get your routines and priorities back on track.

[00:07:12] A therapist can help you understand where you may be bordering into sabotage territory

[00:07:16] and how to get back onto the journey of true self-care.

[00:07:25] You just listened to the post titled,

[00:07:27] When Self-Care Becomes Self-Sabotage by Sarah Stanisai of ProspectTherapy.com.

[00:07:34] I think it is Sarah.

[00:07:36] I don't think we've ever heard this perspective here on the show,

[00:07:39] or if we have, it's definitely rare.

[00:07:42] Obviously, we've heard the other side of this, the importance of self-care.

[00:07:46] Maybe even most of the articles I share have an element of that somewhere in there.

[00:07:51] But seeing the difference between self-care and destructive behaviors is super important.

[00:07:56] For me, I can definitely get stuck in rest or avoidance.

[00:08:00] And you've probably heard me say before that the first step is always recognizing this within ourselves.

[00:08:06] Awareness, basically.

[00:08:07] And then, and only then, are we able to take a step forward.

[00:08:11] So I like that Sarah gave some actual examples of places we could get stuck

[00:08:16] and where it could actually be self-sabotaging behavior.

[00:08:20] And like she mentioned at the end, a therapist definitely can help here.

[00:08:23] Sometimes that's the push we need to get out of the rut

[00:08:26] or out of an unhelpful or unhealthy pattern.

[00:08:29] There's no shame in seeking out professional help.

[00:08:32] So definitely go that route if you're curious.

[00:08:34] Have a great weekend if you're listening in real time.

[00:08:37] And I'll catch you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.

[00:08:40] benefits.

[00:08:40] Credits.

[00:08:41] I'm sorry.