2832: Habit Change by Jessi Kneeland on Self-Compassion and Personal Growth

[00:00:00] Überlass deine gesunde Ernährung und die Gains nicht nur deinem Bauchgefühl. Denn bei der Ernährung gaukelt uns unser innerer Schweinehund manchmal ganz schön was vor. Sag stattdessen Hallo zu deinem neuen Coach, Yasio. Yasio ist die meistgenutzte Ernährungs-App Europas, made in Germany. Egal ob Massephase oder ein bisschen Abnehmen, tracke Kalorien, Proteine, Carbs, Fette, Bewegung und Intervallfasten. Und mit den Tasty-Rezepten bist du ready für deine Ziele. Let's go! Lade die Yasio-App jetzt herunter.

[00:00:29] Have you ever noticed how a calm mind can really set the stage for a good night's sleep? That's the idea behind our new podcast, Good Sleep. Greg, our host from Optimal Relationships Daily, is here to help ease you into a peaceful night's rest with some positive affirmations. And these affirmations aren't just comforting, they can help ease anxiety and nurture positive thoughts, setting you up for true good sleep.

[00:00:54] So, press play on Good Sleep Tonight, because a good tomorrow starts with a good night's sleep. Just search for Good Sleep in your podcast app and be sure to pick the one from Optimal Living Daily.

[00:01:08] This is Optimal Health Daily, Habit Change, by Jesse Neeland, of jesseneeland.com. And I'm Dr. Neil Molle.

[00:01:16] Happy Monday and welcome back to Optimal Health Daily, where I act as your narrator of the best health and fitness blogs all for free, and always with a bit of my commentary at the end.

[00:01:26] And with that, let's get right to it and start optimizing your life.

[00:01:34] Habit Change, by Jesse Neeland, of jesseneeland.com.

[00:01:39] It's a brand new year, and you may find yourself resolving to do more of the things you know are good for you, and less of the things that aren't.

[00:01:46] This makes sense, because we all want to feel good and thrive, right?

[00:01:51] And yet, every single one of us has a list of things we habitually do that prevent us from feeling our best, like too much screen time, too much drinking, too much procrastinating, and so on.

[00:02:03] As well as a list of things we habitually don't do that would help, like meditating, exercising, or drinking enough water.

[00:02:11] Instead of diving into resolution mode, though, let's pause for a moment to consider why this is.

[00:02:17] Why does it take so much effort, willpower, and discipline to do the things that make us feel better?

[00:02:23] Shouldn't we be intrinsically motivated to feel good?

[00:02:26] Well, no.

[00:02:28] We're intrinsically motivated to do things that align with our deepest needs and priorities.

[00:02:33] But often, those deeper needs and priorities have nothing whatsoever to do with the things we think we should do to feel better.

[00:02:41] Most of the time, because we're not usually aware of the deeper needs and priorities driving our actions,

[00:02:47] we invent a story about what we think is most important to us.

[00:02:51] Then we go around feeling bad about ourselves for failing to live up to that.

[00:02:56] For example, we might tell ourselves that health is a top value,

[00:03:00] and then feel weak, broken, or ashamed when we can't get ourselves to regularly make healthy choices.

[00:03:06] Or maybe we decide that joy is what we care most about,

[00:03:10] and then judge ourselves harshly for avoiding the things we know would bring us joy.

[00:03:15] It is our lack of awareness and understanding about the deeper needs and priorities that drive our behavior

[00:03:21] that both keeps us from changing it and feeling good about ourselves.

[00:03:27] After all, how could you possibly feel good about yourself

[00:03:30] when you view your actions and behaviors as irrational and out of control?

[00:03:35] How could you ever feel whole and at peace

[00:03:38] when you imagine yourself divided into two warring factions,

[00:03:41] the recalcitrant troublemaker and the failing disciplinarian?

[00:03:45] And more importantly, how could you possibly change a habit

[00:03:49] that you outright refuse to recognize is successfully meeting your needs or protecting you?

[00:03:54] You can't, which is why I don't recommend setting a behavior or habit change goal

[00:03:59] until after you've done the work to fully understand

[00:04:03] how doing things the way you do them now is serving you.

[00:04:06] Your actions always make sense and serve a deeper purpose,

[00:04:10] even if you can't see it yet, I promise.

[00:04:13] Just like your feelings, thoughts, and body image issues.

[00:04:16] If you ignore or deny this simple fact,

[00:04:18] you can make all the goals and resolutions you want,

[00:04:21] but your behaviors and habits won't change.

[00:04:23] They might change in the short term,

[00:04:25] like how diets tend to work in the beginning

[00:04:27] because you're actively harnessing willpower and motivation.

[00:04:30] But when that willpower and motivation runs out,

[00:04:33] and it always runs out eventually,

[00:04:35] you'll fall right back into your old habits and patterns,

[00:04:38] and you'll probably feel even worse about yourself on the other side

[00:04:42] because you really wanted to make this change and couldn't.

[00:04:46] You've probably experienced this already.

[00:04:49] Maybe you've tried meditating, exercising, journaling,

[00:04:53] going to bed earlier,

[00:04:54] spending less time on your phone,

[00:04:56] or drinking more water.

[00:04:57] But after enjoying a few glorious days,

[00:05:00] weeks, or months of sticking to your goal and feeling better,

[00:05:04] the new habit seemed to just disappear.

[00:05:06] Even as it disappeared,

[00:05:08] you probably felt confused and ashamed

[00:05:10] because it was working.

[00:05:11] You felt good.

[00:05:13] Every so often,

[00:05:14] you might even still catch yourself saying,

[00:05:16] I really need to get back into that.

[00:05:18] I felt so much better.

[00:05:19] And wondering why you ever stopped.

[00:05:22] If this sounds familiar,

[00:05:24] don't worry.

[00:05:25] There is literally nothing wrong with you.

[00:05:27] It's just that the old way of doing things

[00:05:29] did a better job of meeting your deeper needs and priorities

[00:05:32] than the new way.

[00:05:34] And your brain's automatic mechanism

[00:05:36] kicked in again the moment you stopped

[00:05:38] putting all your effort toward overriding it.

[00:05:41] What are these deeper needs and priorities?

[00:05:44] It's different for everyone,

[00:05:45] but here are a few common examples.

[00:05:47] 1. A seemingly self-destructive behavior

[00:05:51] may actually be a way of asserting your agency

[00:05:53] and refusing to be oppressed

[00:05:55] in a world that has made you feel powerless.

[00:05:58] We tend to see this in people who learned early on

[00:06:00] that authentic self-expression

[00:06:02] was mutually exclusive

[00:06:04] with getting their attachment needs met

[00:06:06] and have thus learned to do a lot of self-suppression

[00:06:08] and caretaking in their relationships.

[00:06:11] 2. Your bad habit

[00:06:13] may actually be helping you numb,

[00:06:15] avoid, or cope with painful

[00:06:17] or uncomfortable feelings.

[00:06:19] This is often the case with compulsive behaviors

[00:06:21] like drinking, shopping, gambling,

[00:06:25] endless scrolling,

[00:06:26] or numbing ourselves with screens

[00:06:28] and constant business.

[00:06:30] And 3. You may avoid a behavior

[00:06:32] you know would make you feel better

[00:06:34] because that behavior feels too threatening

[00:06:36] to your safety, identity, or relationships.

[00:06:39] For example, meditating or moving your body

[00:06:42] may force you to feel or face things

[00:06:45] you're not equipped to handle yet.

[00:06:47] Plus, the very thought of thriving itself

[00:06:50] will feel threatening and dangerous

[00:06:52] if your sense of self

[00:06:53] or the care and attention you receive from others

[00:06:56] is based around your fundamental lack of thriving.

[00:06:59] All of this to say

[00:07:01] that if you want to make changes

[00:07:02] to your habits this year,

[00:07:04] please don't try to discipline

[00:07:06] and willpower your way into them.

[00:07:08] Instead, start with the assumption

[00:07:10] that all of your actions

[00:07:12] always make sense

[00:07:13] and are serving a deeper purpose or need.

[00:07:15] Then, get curious.

[00:07:18] What deeper purpose or need

[00:07:20] might they be serving?

[00:07:21] Why might you actually

[00:07:22] need your current habits or behaviors right now?

[00:07:25] And what would have to happen

[00:07:27] for you to no longer need them?

[00:07:29] This and this alone

[00:07:31] will move you toward

[00:07:32] the long-term behavior changes

[00:07:34] you're hoping for.

[00:07:35] It automatically invites self-compassion

[00:07:37] and self-acceptance

[00:07:38] into a process

[00:07:39] that has typically been marked

[00:07:41] only by shame and self-rejection.

[00:07:43] And that is the only way

[00:07:45] that healing can take place

[00:07:46] and long-term sustainable changes

[00:07:49] can be made.

[00:07:54] You just listened to the post titled

[00:07:56] Habit Change

[00:07:57] by Jesse Neeland

[00:07:58] of jesseneeland.com

[00:07:59] And I'll be right back

[00:08:01] with my commentary.

[00:08:02] Dr. Neel here for my commentary.

[00:08:05] Dr. Kelly McGonigal has studied

[00:08:06] why we humans aren't so great

[00:08:08] at changing our habits

[00:08:09] and why it can take so long

[00:08:11] to form new ones.

[00:08:12] She says we have to think of our brains

[00:08:14] as having two parts.

[00:08:16] The more future-oriented,

[00:08:18] thoughtful part

[00:08:19] and the part that likes to use shortcuts

[00:08:21] to get things done.

[00:08:22] Now, both parts are great

[00:08:23] and serve important purposes for us.

[00:08:25] But when we're trying

[00:08:27] to form new habits,

[00:08:28] we have to really force

[00:08:30] the future-oriented,

[00:08:31] thoughtful part of the brain

[00:08:32] to kick in.

[00:08:33] Our brain,

[00:08:34] and body actually,

[00:08:36] like to use shortcuts

[00:08:37] whenever possible.

[00:08:38] And that keeps us,

[00:08:39] sometimes,

[00:08:40] in our old behavior patterns.

[00:08:42] But just like today's author

[00:08:44] Jesse said,

[00:08:45] habits take time to form

[00:08:46] and finding shortcuts

[00:08:47] usually doesn't lead

[00:08:49] to long-term change.

[00:08:50] So how can we get more use

[00:08:52] out of the part of our brain

[00:08:54] that's future-oriented

[00:08:55] and thoughtful?

[00:08:56] Again,

[00:08:57] just as Jesse said

[00:08:58] in today's article,

[00:08:59] get curious

[00:09:00] and think about

[00:09:01] the deeper purpose

[00:09:02] or need your current habits

[00:09:04] may be serving.

[00:09:05] And,

[00:09:06] think about all the benefits

[00:09:07] your new,

[00:09:08] healthier habit

[00:09:09] will do for you instead.

[00:09:11] Alright,

[00:09:12] that'll do it for today.

[00:09:13] Thank you so much

[00:09:13] for being here

[00:09:14] and thank you so much

[00:09:15] for listening

[00:09:15] all the way through

[00:09:16] to the end.

[00:09:17] I hope you have a great

[00:09:18] rest of your day

[00:09:19] and I'll see you back here

[00:09:20] tomorrow as usual

[00:09:21] where your optimal life awaits.

[00:09:23] Let's see you back here.

[00:09:23] Thank you.