2995: Self Care and Parenting the Inner Child by Rachel Trotta on Creating A Sustainable Healthy Lifestyle

[00:00:01] Wenn jemand Charles und Melanie gesagt hätte, dass sie nach ihrem Tinder Match gemeinsam einen Channel mit Crazy Aufgaben starten, also wirklich crazy, 5 Tage auf einer einsamen Insel verbringen, eine Zipline an einem Gurt runterrasen, eine Million Views knacken, eine Wand mit Saugnöpfen hochklettern und Falschirm springen in Ägypten? Das hätten die beiden niemals geglaubt. Aber das ist das Ding mit Tinder. Es führt dich an Orte, die du nie erwartet hättest. Wohin es dich auch führt. It starts with a swipe. Tinder.

[00:00:29] Kennt ihr auch diesen einen Freund, der morgens einfach so ruckzuck aus dem Bett und danach aus dem Grinsen gar nicht mehr rauskommt? Der sogar noch vor dem ersten Kaffee unverschämt gut gelaunt ist und mit der Morgensonne um die Wette strahlt? Furchtbar. Ekelhaft. Wie kann man nur so... Ausgeruht sein? Ganz einfach. Trainiere deinen Schlaf und werde auch du zum Morgenmenschen. Mit der Galaxy Watch 7 oder dem Galaxy Ring und der Samsung Health App.

[00:00:55] This is Optimal Health Daily. Self-Care and Parenting the Inner Child by Rachel Trotta of racheltrotta.com. And I'm Dr. Neil Malek. Hey there, welcome back to another episode of Optimal Health Daily. This is where I read to you from some of the best health and fitness blogs on the web. Kind of like an ongoing audiobook and always with a bit of my commentary at the end. And with that, let's keep this intro nice and short and get right to the post as we optimize your life.

[00:01:27] Self-Care and Parenting the Inner Child by Rachel Trotta of racheltrotta.com. Creating Optimal Self-Care I went back to my hometown of Baton Rouge last weekend and it was an incredible experience of rekindling connections and reliving memories. While I was there, my parents brought me a stack of old yearbooks to sift through and one picture made an indelible impression on me.

[00:01:52] My fifth grade yearbook picture, taken just before the gates of adolescence and acne and bad hair slammed shut, showed a grinning and spirited child. I felt a strong connection to that picture and to that version of myself because it was probably the last time before adulthood that I felt authentic, connected to myself and confident. Seeing my child self also reminded me of a concept that I frequently discuss with clients.

[00:02:19] Parenting the inner child to create optimal self-care. It sounds very zzzz, but what does it actually mean? For me, taking care of my inner child means treating myself like I have needs for care and attention. Treat yourself as well as you treat your dog. If you have children or even pets, you know that sometimes you treat your dependents better than you treat yourself. You make sure they go to the bathroom before it's an emergency.

[00:02:47] You provide a routine healthy meal and snack schedule. And you enforce bedtimes. With pets, we change their litter, take them for walks, keep them groomed, feed them at the same time every day, take them to the park and buy treats for them. Overall, we are sensitive to the needs of those who depend on us. We monitor their moods, their wants, and their impulses. We become attuned to their daily rhythms, and we know how to take care of them. We know when it's nap time. We know when it's mealtime.

[00:03:16] And we know when it's time to rest or to play. We intuitively and wisely help children and pets structure their days so that they have the best possible life. And we assume that maybe they don't always know the right thing to do in the moment. So my question to many clients is, why don't we treat ourselves that way? We really are like kids too, just with more self-control. But we're all impulsive sometimes.

[00:03:42] There are also occasions when, like children, we all make decisions that aren't in our best interests. When we stay up too late to binge on Netflix too many times, we become chronically tired. We may not lay down on the sidewalk and start screaming as a result of this crankiness, ideally. But we may get snippy with our partner, co-worker, or barista, and make more mistakes at work. Hangovers, hunger, and lack of sleep put us at a disadvantage when it comes to handling normal life and making healthy decisions.

[00:04:13] So when I refer to reparenting the inner child, I'm talking about accessing a higher, more parental self that can make executive decisions for your best interests. Getting in touch with the bigger picture can allow you to make better food, sleep, and self-care decisions that are gratifying in the future, not just in the present. I've had clients who puree vegetables into their children's food to make sure they get their fiber needs met, but won't cook a healthy meal for themselves.

[00:04:41] What's that saying about putting your mask on first? Executive function The inner parent is the executive, the one who makes decisions, orders life, and thinks ahead. My parental self is the one who plans meals, grocery shops, cooks, stores leftovers, eats at regular times, packs snacks for travel, and stays hydrated.

[00:05:04] This part of me understands how to evaluate food choices, get enough sleep, and avoid triggers like overtiredness, low blood sugar, or dehydration. On the other hand, it's the same parental self who knows the fun of treats, but also understands that they're only special if they're not routine. The parental self, caring for the inner child, is the wise, executive planner who knows how to keep the show running smoothly. Self-compassion and patience

[00:05:34] I also think that taking a more parental view of yourself can cultivate more self-compassion. Most of us berate ourselves using shaming tones and language that we would never dream of using with a child, or even a pet. When a child totally loses it in the grocery store, even if we're annoyed, we know to attribute it to tiredness or hunger, or maybe crankiness from illness or pain. When a child doesn't master a task immediately and becomes frustrated,

[00:06:02] we don't assume that the child is stupid or lazy. But we often skip that step of understanding and compassion when it comes to our own self-assessment. And I have often heard clients use the words like lazy, stupid, or weak to describe themselves and their moments of shortcoming. The language that we choose and how we frame ideas is extremely important for success, and staying realistic, level-headed, and self-accepting is essential to a long-term healthy lifestyle.

[00:06:31] Remember, taking responsibility for yourself is not the same thing as shaming and hating yourself. So next time you're ready to lambast yourself or even make a self-deprecating joke about being fat or about your lack of self-control, pause to consider whether you would say it to a child, or even about yourself in front of a child or teenager. Other ways to think about it Is the inner child language too out there for you? Well, here are a few other ways of framing it.

[00:07:02] Hilaria Baldwin, in her lovely book, The Living Clearly Method, calls this zooming out. When you zoom out, you can see beyond the present moment. You can think about consequences, outcomes, and perspective, and how you might feel after a decision that feels like an impulse. Pace Smith, host of the podcast Wild Crazy Meaningful Life, calls it the manager, as if you're a celebrity and you have a manager who makes your lifestyle decisions for you.

[00:07:29] No, you can't take on that responsibility right now. You need to get some sleep so that you're ready for tomorrow. I love that image too. For me, seeing 10-year-old me all plucky and cute is what connects me deeply to self-care. I want to take long-term care of myself when I remember that I am in charge of taking care of myself and no one else does it for me anymore. It's my responsibility to myself now and myself 10 or 20 years from now,

[00:07:57] as much as it is my responsibility to that cutie that smiles back at me from the black and white yearbook page. We all have a deep need for order and regularity. This need may be obvious in children, but the reality is that it never totally disappears, and we can benefit greatly from incorporating more regularity and intentionality into our adult lives. We can reasonably place ourselves and our wellness priorities at the center of our gravitational pull,

[00:08:24] rather than waiting for our busy schedules to give us permission to take care of ourselves. Here are my top four tips for cultivating a more proactive and parental attitude towards yourself in order to create better self-care routines. 1. Get your bedtime straight Get attuned to your own sleep and energy rhythms and figure out what time you need to go to bed and wake up every day in order to be the happiest possible you. 2. Get your food on a routine schedule

[00:08:55] Listen to your body and decode what times of day you feel the most snacky and what times you are most likely to overeat and short-circuit these episodes through skillful planning and prevention. 3. Stay hydrated Develop a system of carrying a bottle that you can refill at regular intervals and explore dressed-up hydration methods like seltzer and herbal teas. 4. Take planned breaks Don't get stalled out on a work project

[00:09:24] and remember that you're a multidimensional person who needs fresh air, quiet time, walking, sunshine, and variety. And remember, just like a cranky toddler is more prone to throwing a tantrum, you'll be of much better use to everyone else and society if you take care of yourself first. You just listened to the post titled Self-Care and Parenting the Inner Child

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[00:11:16] Turn those dreams into and give them the best shot at success with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash OHD. Go to shopify.com slash OHD. Shopify.com slash OHD. Dr. Neil here for my commentary. There were so many great self-care suggestions

[00:11:45] today's author, Rachel, shared in this post. When she mentioned zooming out and imagining you're a celebrity that has a manager that tells you how to take care of your lifestyle reminded me of another trick I like to use. Whenever I find myself stuck in a situation that demands I make a good decision, you know, not a hasty one or a knee-jerk decision, but one that really allows me to take a moment and reflect before acting, I do this. I imagine how my best self would respond.

[00:12:15] Meaning, if I could imagine the bestest, most ideal version of me, how would he respond in this situation? I found that usually steers me in the right direction. Now again, throughout today's post, you were given a lot of helpful suggestions. Whenever that happens, I don't recommend we try all of the suggestions at once. Instead, it's best to pick the one or two things that made you stop and think, hey, I like that idea, and start there.

[00:12:44] So, which one are you going to start with? All right, that'll do it for today. Don't forget, I'll be back here tomorrow as usual for our Friday Q&A, so definitely stay tuned for that and where your optimal life awaits.