3439: Stop Should-ing All Over Yourself by Melani Schweder of A Brighter Wild on Self-Acceptance

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[00:00:30] This is Optimal Health Daily. Stop Should-ing All Over Yourself by Melanie Schwader of A Brighter Wild dot com. And I'm Dr. Neal Malik. Hey there, happy Sunday. Welcome back to Optimal Health Daily where I simply read to you from the best health and fitness blogs for free. It's kind of like an audiobook but with articles instead and articles from a bunch of different authors. And we always have permission from the sites.

[00:00:55] Now on Fridays, I answer your questions. You can send me a question by going to oldpodcast.com slash ask or you can email your question directly to health at oldpodcast.com. And with that, let's jump right in and hear today's article and continue optimizing your life.

[00:01:21] Stop Should-ing All Over Yourself by Melani Schweder of abrighterwild.com. Hello, dear friends. Something has been weighing heavy on my mind the past couple of weeks. And that's the topic of perfectionism in the realms of health, wellness, and spirituality. And boy, is that stuff rampant. It's so infiltrated that we don't even see or recognize it most of the time.

[00:01:46] And it masquerades under such trending buzzwords like self-improvement and positivity. And who wouldn't want to cultivate those things? I'm definitely on board. But the problem lies in our too-often militant enforcement of these ideas and rituals in order to reach a certain goal. Because we feel like we aren't enough just as we are right now. And that is especially transparent in the health and wellness community. Because the goals are both concrete, think, I want to lose 10 pounds,

[00:02:14] and socially enforced in a positive manner. Nearly every advertisement today plays off of our desire for self-improvement and change. We want to be healthier, fitter, prettier, more handsome, more adventurous, more well-liked, more spiritual. And we believe, whether consciously or unconsciously, that we won't be happy or fulfilled or respected until we reach these goals. The truth is that this is only making things worse.

[00:02:43] When you come from a place of, I'm not enough, then you feel immense pressure to do everything perfectly in order to bring value to yourself. We believe that we should do this. We should do that. We should be getting up early and meditating every morning. We should finally give up soda. We should be doing yoga every day. We should always think positive thoughts. Well, I for one think it's about time that we stop should-ing all over ourselves.

[00:03:10] I admit, I fall into this way of thinking on a regular basis, even though I am consciously aware of the kind of damage that it does. I think it's just ingrained in our culture to obsess about things like nutrition, exercise, and spiritual practice. We hail the most dedicated among us. Those who sit on the cushion every day for two hours. Those who roll out their yoga mats first thing every morning. Those who eat 100% clean all the time and never cheat. Such a terrible word, by the way. Let's do away with it.

[00:03:38] We somehow aspire to be them and then feel horribly about ourselves when we fall short. This shaming is particularly sharp in the chronically ill community, where people are desperately trying to heal their bodies and spirits, and they feel like they've failed when they aren't able to miraculously cure themselves through diligent actions. I am no stranger to the crushing blow of yet another diet that failed, another natural supplement that I gave up on,

[00:04:03] another day of waking up still being sick and wondering what I could have done differently to have prevented it. And man, that is a slippery slope, my friends. The downward shame spiral is hard to pull out of for every one of us, but especially those who are sick. The admittedly frustrating thing is that the true healing can only happen when we let go of perfection and embrace the messiness and reality of our existence. We just need to loosen up those reins we've been clutching so tight for so long

[00:04:32] and not let our brains fly into disaster mode every time we skip yoga or space out during meditation or eat something with gluten. The anxiety that we've created around our health is frankly crippling, and I've had my fair share of mild panic attacks over things like this. On one hand, I am a young person trying to heal a chronic illness that I have. On the other hand, I work in the field of professional wellness and holistic healing.

[00:04:57] So trying to balance those two aspects of who I am can be a bit frightening at times. I get worried about people judging me or not taking me seriously because I'm not perfect. So I confess, while I do meditate every day, I definitely don't do yoga all that often. I do adhere to a mostly raw vegan diet, but yes, I do indulge in some grains and cooked food sometimes. Yes, I still use prescription drugs to manage my sleep and pain. And there are lots of days where I just sit on the couch in front of the TV,

[00:05:27] the horror, and don't do much of anything at all. And I have the gall to call myself a holistic health professional. And all of that is absolutely, positively, 110% okay. I think the world in general needs more messages of acceptance. But the wellness industry especially needs them desperately. People should be shown and told that they are beautiful, that they are well and worthy just as they are right now. Not that they should lose 10 pounds or cut their caffeine intake.

[00:05:55] You are enough and you are worthy just because you are here on this earth living this life right now. Not because you worked out every day this week and didn't eat a single cookie. Screw that. When it comes to taking care of ourselves, we need to rearrange our thoughts and start doing it from a place of love and treating ourselves instead of a place of shame and punishing ourselves. Get on the yoga mat when you feel that your body and mind are calling for that place of peace and nourishing movement.

[00:06:23] Choose the fruits and veggies instead of that high sugary dessert when you truly want your body to feel good and energized and full of vitamins. And sit down and close your eyes to meditate because you know it's an awesome investment in your mental health. And know it's perfectly okay if you don't do it again tomorrow. So right now, visualize what you have on your to-do list tomorrow and what your day would look like and feel like if you accomplished every single one of those things.

[00:06:50] Now, I want you to drop the expectations and imagine your day unfolding with you having nothing to change about yourself and nothing to prove to the world. Can you feel the relaxed spaciousness? It feels pretty good, doesn't it? I'm a firm believer that healing adventures are just that. They're adventures. Things will change all the time. Things will happen spontaneously. And things cannot be forced or anticipated.

[00:07:15] Healing doesn't happen when you follow a strict formula of X, Y, and Z. It happens when you let go and allow yourself to be enough right in this moment. So, I urge you to reflect on your life right now and pay attention to your motivations behind the actions you take every day. When you go to spin class, are you coming from a place of love and enjoyment or a place of shame and perfectionism? What about when you do your pranayama exercises or write in your journal or make your meals or say your prayers?

[00:07:46] Perhaps it's time for all of us to free ourselves from the shackles of health and spirituality-focused perfectionism and feel what it's like to roam wild and free, knowing that we are flawsome, also known as flawed and awesome, just as we are. You just listened to the post titled, Stop Shitting All Over Yourself, by Melanie Schwader of abrighterwild.com. And I'll be right back with my commentary.

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[00:10:11] Indeed.com slash podcast right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. Dr. Neal Malik here for my commentary. Now there's a fine line here, right? There's a place where we feel like we're just fine the way we are. But we have to ask ourselves, is that just an excuse

[00:10:41] for not going on that workout or skipping that fast food? Remember, Melanie's not saying that we need to use this as an excuse. What she's saying is don't constantly strive to be perfect. Perfect. But if you're doing these good habits the majority of the time and you're not obsessing over them and feeling as though you have to be perfect all the time, well that's what we're after. People ask me all the time, Dr. Neil, what do you eat? And oftentimes

[00:11:11] their mouths drop when I tell them what I eat sometimes on the weekends. Once in a while, I might have a donut on Sunday morning or a pancake. I might have pizza on a Saturday night. But 80-90% of the time, I eat mostly whole fruits and vegetables and minimally processed foods. And that's okay. But it doesn't mean that I sit back and go, oh I'm perfect the way I am. I strive to be better but I don't need to be perfect either. So remember,

[00:11:40] we don't want to accept who we are and use that as an excuse. But at the same time, we have to accept that we're not going to be perfect. It's all about progress, not perfection. All right, that'll do it for today. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening every day. Thank you for sharing this show with someone. That's one of the best ways to keep this podcast going. I'll see you back here tomorrow for the Monday show where your optimal life awaits. The best way of seeing it. I'll see you next time. Thank you.