3457: Why Can They Diet But I Can’t by Stefanie Bonastia with Jessi Kneeland on Diet Mentality

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[00:01:00] This is Optimal Health Daily. Why can they diet, but I can't? By Stephanie Bonastia with Jessi Kneeland. And I'm Dr. Neal Malik, your very own personal narrator. Welcome to a Tuesday edition of Optimal Health Daily. Remember, this is one of just a few podcasts in the world where blogs are read to you. And on this show, on Fridays, I answer your questions. Now, to check out our other shows, just search for Optimal Living Daily wherever you're hearing this.

[00:01:30] And if you want to send me a question, you can email it directly to health at oldpodcast.com. All right, now that that's out of the way, let's get right to today's post and start optimizing your life. Why can they diet, but I can't? By Stephanie Bonastia with jesseneeland.com.

[00:01:54] If body image is something you struggle with, you have most likely intersected with concepts like anti-diet and intuitive eating in your social media searches. Dieting is usually our first path to controlling body size, but it's been found to not only fail to keep weight off long-term, meaning for more than two years, 95% of the time, it also leads to increased body dysmorphia and dissatisfaction and may cause all kinds of damage to both physical and mental health.

[00:02:24] The pursuit of body acceptance, therefore, typically involves the exploration of not dieting, even permanently giving up dieting. A concept that feels foreign and maybe even impossible at first. It's not uncommon for people to entertain this idea only in theory for many months, if not years, into their body image healing journey. Dieting is like a quick fix drug, and even if it feels like climbing uphill in quicksand,

[00:02:51] we resist the option to disengage in the pursuit of weight loss, just in case it works this time. My client, Anna, started working with me months after learning about intuitive eating, but was still dabbling in its approach. With a decade of dieting and disordered eating behind her, Anna was well-versed in the cycle of losing weight, struggling to maintain it, and ultimately falling off the wagon and gaining it back, plus some.

[00:03:17] Still, the issue felt to her like a defect in her own character, an absence of willpower. She couldn't understand why she could be so successful with any given lifestyle change for months at a time, and even for years at a time, at one point right after college. And then, watch herself lose control of it, time and time again. Like, trying to hold a beach ball underwater. Here's the thing, Anna said to me during our first call. Quote,

[00:04:26] Quick note. According to the National Eating Disorders Association, 35% of quote-unquote normal dieters progress to pathological dieting, and up to 25% of those individuals develop eating disorders, which means the documented 5% of dieters who quote-unquote succeed with weight loss long-term might be engaged in disordered eating patterns, or a full-blown eating disorder.

[00:04:52] Comparison syndrome is one of the most common reasons I see people holding on to the diet mentality, despite the lived experience of having diets fail them, time and time again. We not only compare ourselves to the former version of ourselves that successfully lost weight the first time, but also to our friends, family, and colleagues who seem to be doing it successfully right now. And since most diets do work in the short term, and everyone around us seems engaged in that endeavor,

[00:05:22] it's easy to feel like a mirror is being held up to challenge our conviction that dieting is bound to fail. So let's talk about why someone else in your life might be succeeding at dieting, and you're not. 1. You're only seeing the beginning of the journey Diets often do work at first, which is why they remain so alluring. You may be witnessing the temporary high of the initial phase, which looks a lot like success, and you may have experienced this before yourself.

[00:05:50] The adrenaline of restriction can be self-sustaining for quite some time, before the body's natural cues kick in to increase hunger and decrease metabolism. Eventually, the ease of the initial phase wears off. Weight loss plateaus, and what you see as focus starts to wane. This loss of focus is not a moral failing. It is a natural survival response to famine, think dieting,

[00:06:17] that is hardwired into humans to keep our weight from decreasing, which is recognized biologically as a threat. 2. You aren't seeing the whole story Remember that listening or watching other people's stories of weight loss is a highlight reel. You'll hear about the wins, but not so much about the struggles. What's going on behind the scenes? Is this person obsessed with tracking their food intake or missing out on social events to avoid temptation?

[00:06:45] How often does this person feel deprived when they can't eat in community with others, or wake up hungry in the middle of the night? How much of their mental real estate is taken up by their new lifestyle? The face of the weight loss journey is not a whole picture, and the parts that aren't working usually stay private. 3. They don't have a diet history Some people are trying a diet for the first time. For example, someone with a naturally high metabolism who suddenly starts gaining weight later in life

[00:07:15] due to hormone shifts or other natural changes, and don't have a complicated history of dieting. For people who haven't been on and off the diet train, and subsequently haven't attached their worth to diet successes and failures, weight loss may not be as threatening to their physical or emotional states. That's a lot of baggage they don't have to contend with, which makes dieting a lot easier. 4. They are genetically smaller to begin with People who live in naturally smaller bodies

[00:07:43] are going to have a much easier time maintaining a lower weight than people who are genetically programmed to weigh more. Those who are naturally smaller appear to be successful dieters because their biology is not fighting them as much to stay within a culturally acceptable body size. 5. They have more flexible thinking styles People with disordered eating tend to be more rigid, controlling, and prone to obsession than their laid-back counterparts. It's possible that the successful dieter

[00:08:12] doesn't put as much meaning into this diet as you might, or they have no plans to risk their mental health when and if their hunger signals eventually do kick in. Mental flexibility reduces guilt and increases trust between you and your body, so the likelihood of binging is less for them than it might be for you. For people like Anna, an extensive history of dieting, combined with decades of subscribing to a weight-as-worth philosophy,

[00:08:39] is likely to always interfere with successful attempts at long-term intentional weight loss. As a result, Anna and I spent close to a year working on letting go of the deep-rooted belief system that weight loss was important, that it was possible for her and should be easy, and that it would bring her happiness. While diet talk, or success, among friends and colleagues remains a trigger for her, remembering the previously mentioned reasons

[00:09:07] why some people can seem to lose weight and others can't, is a helpful tool for her to recognize diet culture when she sees it, avoid behaviors that lead to mental distress and disorder, and feel rooted in her value of acting in her own best interest, instead of feeling competitive with, or pressured by, what other people are doing. In a culture that makes dieting a socially sanctioned hobby, it takes intention and practice and a certain level of courage

[00:09:36] to reject weight loss as a collective pastime and live for reasons beyond how we look. When you begin to prioritize your lived experience over the diet culture rat race, it becomes easier to deflect the external chatter and stay grounded in your values. And that level of freedom has no comparison. You just listened to the post titled, Why Can They Diet But I Can't?

[00:10:04] by Stephanie Bonastia with jesseneeland.com. And I'll be right back with my commentary. This episode is brought to you by Google Health. Stop chasing someone else's definition of health. What matters is what's healthy for you. Google Health offers a new kind of coach, built with Gemini for effortless tracking, sleep insights, and holistic coaching tailored to you. Visit googlestore.com to learn more and start a new relationship with your health. Requires Google account, Google Health app, internet, and Google Health premium subscription. Features subject to change.

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[00:11:34] Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. Dr. Neal Malik here for my commentary. I want to go back to the second point Stephanie made. She said that when people share their dieting stories, you're probably not getting the whole story. You may not be hearing about all of the ups and downs. You're only seeing the end result. And even then, that result may only be temporary.

[00:12:03] Do you remember a television show called The Biggest Loser? It was basically a reality game show and weight loss competition all rolled into one. The show's contestants would work very hard to lose the most weight they could over the course of the show. The contestant that lost the most weight would win a prize. The show would document contestants a lot of weight shedding pounds of weight each week. Many of them more than two pounds a week. So, when I would tell my students in classes

[00:12:32] that it's not safe to lose more than two pounds per week, I would always have one student raise their hand and say, well, what about the people on The Biggest Loser? Well, just as Stephanie said, you're not getting the whole story. They're only showing you what they want you to see. They don't show you that this was a medically supervised weight loss program. That the contestants had a medical team monitoring them. That they probably had to have blood tests performed regularly to make sure the mineral levels

[00:13:02] in their blood weren't messed up. Because when people lose weight too fast, mineral levels get all messed up in the blood. So, all of this to say, don't necessarily believe what you see, particularly when it comes to weight loss stories you might encounter. Especially if the work to get there seemed way too fast and way too easy, sustainable weight loss is not fast. And, it's not easy. Alright, that'll do it for today. Thank you so much for listening.

[00:13:31] Thank you for being a subscriber or follower of the show. Thank you for sharing this show with someone. I hope you have a great rest of your Tuesday and I'll see you back here tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.