3568: One Year. No Exercise by Stefanie Bonastia with Jessi Kneeland on Intuitive Movement

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[00:01:26] With that, let's keep this intro nice and short so we can get right to today's post as we optimize your life. One Year No Exercise by Gemma Martin with jesseneeland.com Exercise and I didn't start out as friends. As a child, I'd never really been a natural athlete and had no template for exercise as anything other than a means to losing weight.

[00:01:54] My relationship to it ranged from resistant to obligatory to obsessive, depending on where on the disordered eating spectrum I fell at any given time. Joyful was not terminology that made sense to me when it came to movement. During my 30s, I was in another codependent relationship with exercise, whereby I was using it to compensate for binges and to foster feelings of inner morality. I prided myself on how far and how often I could run.

[00:02:24] If I didn't work out X times per week, I felt like I was falling behind. The mental exhaustion of fitting in workouts between work, kids' nap schedules, and babysitting availability only rivaled the mental exhaustion of tracking my caloric equations. The sum total of this exhaustion led me to what I would come to understand as intuitive eating, although this wasn't language I knew at the time.

[00:02:49] The tightrope walk of controlling my body was breaking me, and I started learning more about the relationship between restricting and binge eating. Since part of my restriction was compensatory exercise, I also began to consider that I might have to pull away from it entirely to change its role in my life. In 2019, as I began my process of eating disorder recovery, I stopped exercising cold turkey.

[00:03:15] The impact of this hiatus from exercise fundamentally changed the way I relate to my body, movement, and myself through this very day. Shift number one. Not exercising gave me room to attune to my baseline signals of hunger and fullness. Different forms of exercise had created wild hunger swings in my body that felt unpredictable and unregulated.

[00:03:39] I remember coming home from a workout and feeling okay, and then experiencing sudden bursts of extreme hunger that felt bottomless. A body in the throes of disordered eating is already sensitive to hunger. Adding extra cortisol surges via cardiovascular exercise to the mix gave my body an exponential experience of that hunger. Fullness was also harder to feel in the throes of those chaotic surges.

[00:04:04] When I stopped exercising, I noticed that my body's signals gradually started to feel more stable. Hunger came on more slowly, as if it was speaking to me with clarity instead of whiplash. Over that year, I had time to experience my body's baseline needs and the nuances of communication that were otherwise drowned out. Shift number two. Not exercising gave me humility and proof that I could survive without it.

[00:04:31] When I was dependent upon exercise, I felt like I was being held captive by it. Even though I enjoyed the buzz of the adrenaline, I couldn't miss a workout without feeling guilty. The more I exercised, the more I needed to exercise. The bar kept getting higher and higher, in much the same way that weight loss goals do. I also found myself sourcing my self-esteem in how dedicated I was to my routine, and feared that my own laziness was just around the corner.

[00:05:00] It was like I was running from myself, knowing that at some phases of life, I had resisted exercise, and feared that apathy would come back. Exercise was also the means by which I helped control my body. To not exercise would mean that my body weight might increase. I feared losing this perceived sense of control, once again feeling like I was walking a tightrope. When I stopped exercising, I consciously surrendered this sense of control and moral high ground.

[00:05:30] The idea of not exercising was worse than the actual experience of not exercising. I'm not saying it was easy or without fear, but in committing to giving away this false sense of security, I learned how to be safe without it. My body did change as I stopped restricting, but relinquishing exercise as a way to feel in control of those changes was actually quite freeing.

[00:05:54] I knew that my body was showing up authentically, rather than as a product of unsustainably rigid conditions. I also had more time to engage in life, instead of crowding out hobbies or relaxation so I could fit in a run. To this day, some of my go-to sources of creativity, productivity, and restoration are activities I reclaimed during my year off of exercise. And shift number three.

[00:06:22] Not exercising gave me the freedom to understand how, when, and how much I really want to exercise. Three or four months into not exercising, I noticed that I wanted to exercise again. I felt my legs wanting to leap, sprint, dance, stretch, pound pavement. Previously, my wanting to exercise was only felt as a guilt-driven necessity to cleanse myself of excess food. But this urge presented differently.

[00:06:52] It was actually just the impulse to move for the sake of moving. To clear energy from my nervous system or ground myself in the present moment. I had never understood this before, although I had heard other people talk about it. Without the obligation, my body had space to talk to me about what it wanted. I also noticed that movement didn't come in only high-intensity versions.

[00:07:16] Sometimes, I wanted to stretch or get into a certain yoga position, which had nothing to do with expending energy or breaking a sweat. I had no idea that my body craved these things. I had always thought I was a cerebral being only, and not one of those people in touch with their bodies. But here I was, wanting some downward dog after my kids left for school, without quite understanding why.

[00:07:40] Almost a full year after I had stopped all intentional exercise, I decided it was time to bring it back. By that time, it felt like my world had changed. I was no longer binging and restricting, and my relationship with my body had shifted on the whole. I started out slowly, once or twice a week, paying attention to how my hunger signals fluctuated, and how my body told me I'd had enough.

[00:08:05] I noticed my muscles more, how they reclaimed their strength, and knew how to support me, how to recruit their surrounding muscles, how to keep me in balance, despite having been away from it for so long. I also noticed that my ego didn't need to attach to the experience as much as it used to. I didn't find meaning in priding myself through it, but rather, through being conscious in it. Every year since then, I've taken the winter off of structured movement.

[00:08:32] I let my mind and body rest, to remind me what I learned during that time, especially as stress builds, and I notice a tendency to move towards excess. I also take random times off here and there during the year, when I notice that my body isn't enjoying something as much as I know it can.

[00:08:55] You just listened to the post titled, One Year, No Exercise, by Gemma Martin, with jesseneeland.com. And I'll be right back with my commentary. Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products.

[00:09:22] And discover custom playlists on Spotify, built just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com. This episode is brought to you by Palmolive. Family time isn't just the big moments. It's weeknight dinners, sitting around the table, everyone talking all at once. So when the plates are empty and the sink is full, use Palmolive Ultra.

[00:09:47] Palmolive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9% of grease, leaving your dishes sparkling clean. And the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier, so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together. Shop now at palmolive.com. Dr. Neal Malik here for my commentary. There is this concept floating around called exercise addiction. Now, exercise addiction has not been officially recognized in the official handbook of psychiatric disorders.

[00:10:17] The fancy term for this is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, abbreviated DSM. But many health professionals believe that this is a real phenomenon. We just need more well-designed studies to know for sure. A common description of exercise addiction is when exercise is continued even though it may lead to negative consequences. So, like when today's author Stephanie was describing their mental and physical exhaustion with exercise and their emotional dependence on it,

[00:10:47] those are signs that exercise may be leading to negative consequences. Exercise should make you feel good, not feel like a burden all the time. Okay, so now I have to go into infomercial mode. And I apologize for this, but I have to have these disclaimers. I am saying all this so that if it sounds like you or someone you know is experiencing these types of feelings, it may be worthwhile for them or for you to have a conversation with their or your healthcare provider.

[00:11:17] Alright, that'll do it for the Monday episode. I hope you have a great start to your week. And I'll be back here tomorrow as usual where your optimal life awaits. Let's see.