2980: The Pinky Promise: Stick To It – Or Shed Some Blood by Nir Eyal on Motivational Techniques

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Living Daily Episode 2980 The Pinky Promise. Stick To It or Shed Some Blood by Nir Eyal of NirAnFar.com And I'm Justin Malik, your personal narrator, reading to you every day including holidays. Now let's get right to it and start optimizing your life.

[00:00:23] The Pinky Promise. Stick To It or Shed Some Blood by NirEyalOfNirAnFar.com A Pinky Promise is a surefire way to make you do what you say you'll do. People have a long history of breaking promises to themselves and others.

[00:00:41] It's not lying per se, rather it's a lack of follow-through. We say we're going to exercise four times a week or finish that big project or finally write that blog post or whatever. But when it comes down to it, we don't do it. We get distracted and procrastinate.

[00:00:59] Our excuse? I can't. But the truth is, of course you can. You just need the right motivation. For as long as people have been squelching on their commitments, they've tried to come up with ways to keep them.

[00:01:13] Consider the Pinky Promise. This seemingly innocuous children's pact has a dark past. It's said to have been used by the Japanese mafia who would cut off the pinky finger of the person who broke their word.

[00:01:26] What are the odds that someone breaks that sort of pinky pact? I'm betting pretty low. Imagine if you made such a strong commitment in your own life.

[00:01:34] What if you told yourself that if you didn't wake up early and go to the gym, it would cost you a finger? Would you go? Of course you would. We've now established that I can't isn't a real excuse.

[00:01:47] If the stakes were high enough, you'd do what you need to do. So what's getting in our way? Why we don't do what we say we're going to do. The root cause of all human behavior is the desire to escape discomfort.

[00:02:03] In fact, it's the number one reason people don't stick to their goals, because they avoid what's not enjoyable. They just don't feel like it. When faced with something we don't want to do, we are driven to distraction by internal triggers.

[00:02:18] These are negative feelings such as uncertainty, fear, loneliness or boredom. To do the things we say we're going to do, we have to learn to manage those internal triggers. That means finding the root cause of the bad feeling.

[00:02:33] The next time you find yourself repeatedly distracted during an activity, ask yourself why that is? What is the source of the feeling you're trying to escape? If you know the real drivers of your behavior, you can take steps to master them instead of letting them master you.

[00:02:49] Next, to really step away from distraction, we have to make time for traction, the actions that move us toward what we intend to do. That means pinpointing your values and setting aside time for the actions that help you become the person you want to become.

[00:03:05] The most effective technique for staying on track is time boxing, planning out periods of time to do what you say you will each day. I even created a free schedule maker that will help you devise your own time boxed weekly calendar.

[00:03:17] Once we know exactly how we want to spend our time, we can focus on fending off the external triggers that pull us to distractions. External triggers are cues from our environment that tells us what to do next.

[00:03:30] These can run the gamut from notifications on your smartphone to interruptions from nearby family members or coworkers. The best way to deal with external triggers that interfere with your time boxed calendar is to eliminate them. Turn off those pesky notifications on your phone that don't serve you.

[00:03:49] If you want time to work uninterrupted, let your colleague or family know to steer clear of you during the time you've allotted for it. Swear a pinky promise with yourself. Once we learn to manage our internal triggers, make time for traction and hack back external triggers,

[00:04:08] we can prevent distraction and stop ourselves from ditching our goals by making a pact, a pinky promise. In making this pinky pact, we erect a barrier, a consequence to not doing what we say we're going to. When I wanted to finish the first draft of my book, Indistractable,

[00:04:26] I swore a pinky promise to my accountability partner that I would pay him $10,000 if I didn't finish the draft by my deadline. I kept my money and finished writing my book. It's important to only enter into such a pact after you've done the other three steps first.

[00:04:44] If you don't learn how to manage the bad feelings driving you off course before you make your pact, you'll be more likely to fail. Be honest with yourself about what consequences would ensure you don't break a commitment.

[00:04:57] And if making a promise to yourself isn't enough, then consider finding yourself an accountability buddy to make sure you follow through. Just be sure your buddy knows not to take an actual pinky finger.

[00:05:09] You just listened to the post titled, The Pinky Promise, Stick to It or Shed Some Blood by NirayallofNirandfar.com Thank you to Nir. I can't remember where I first heard about it. It actually might have been an article from the same author Nirayall, that would make sense.

[00:05:32] But way back when in the earlier days of this podcast, I remember someone talking about how making a bet with a trusted person would have pretty good results. And it wasn't just straight money like Nir's example today.

[00:05:45] Instead it'd be a sort of accountability bet and it goes both ways. So basically you do this with a friend or family member who also wants to build the habit that you're looking to create.

[00:05:57] And the first one to break it and not do what they said they were going to do has to donate money to whatever cause the other person wants. And you could do this to yourself too, technically.

[00:06:08] But to make it worse, you could say you're going to donate to a political campaign that you don't believe in so it's even more pressure to do that thing that you want to do.

[00:06:18] I think that was the example they used actually, and I can totally see how that would work. Pretty much everyone does not want to lose money especially to a cause they don't believe in so it really acts as a strong motivator to do what we said we would.

[00:06:33] Something to think about, maybe you can find someone else to make this kind of deal with. And let me know if you do. And with that have a great rest of your day. Thank you for listening and I'll see you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.