2983: The Magic and the Challenge of Letting Go by Suzanne Falter on Life Transitions

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Living Daily Episode 2983, The Magic and the Challenge of Letting Go by Suzanne Falter of SuzanneFalter.com and I'm your narrator Justin Malik reading you articles every single day of the year including holidays.

[00:00:15] And without further ado let's get right to it as we optimize your life. The Magic and the Challenge of Letting Go by SuzanneFalter of SuzanneFalter.com

[00:00:31] When confronted with a massive life transition, I'll hang on like a terrier sinking my sharp little teeth in deeper and deeper until simple exhaustion finally forces me to let go.

[00:00:46] I'm happy to say that terrier lets go far more easily these days but only because I've learned what lies on the other side of that monumental letting go. What do I mean by letting go? Letting go is recognizing that one, something doesn't work.

[00:01:03] Two, that something will not change on its own accord. And three, a fundamental truth needs to be told followed by action. In other words, I must step out of denial and back into reality.

[00:01:17] A relationship I had comes to mind. It was a classic case of the rabid terrier refusing to own the truth that there was no way the two of us were going to make it. All we were making was a mess which we'd been making since day one.

[00:01:32] I was in denial about the following things. My would-be partner was not actually in love with me although there was a great deal of like very much going on. Her massive resistance to the relationship including everything from frank and frequent criticism of me to withholding was not okay.

[00:01:52] It was also not okay to walk around all the time on pins and needles trying like to get her to love me. And I cannot think, manage or force this relationship to be anything other than it was.

[00:02:07] I thought I had it all figured out, but now I was endlessly clinging, endlessly strategizing and trying to change to be someone other than I was. I tried being quiet, then I tried being talkative. I tried cooking my way to redemption.

[00:02:23] I even let her pick out all of my clothing. If only I could be better, then she would finally love me went to my own disease thinking. What I didn't know then is that letting go always inevitably leads to something better.

[00:02:40] It simply has to for this is the way of the universe. To paraphrase the movie, The Best Exotic Marygold Hotel, if your problem has not yet worked out, then it is not yet the end. Life is nothing but a continuous process of letting go.

[00:02:58] We are constantly being called to let go of love, money, fame, glory, acceptance, children, health, youth, and so many treasured but often unobtainable goals. It's one release after another until finally at the end, we let go of life itself.

[00:03:19] And always, always on the other side of that release is the unknown which is exactly what we fear the most. And yet here is exactly where you find the magic. How desperately I clung to my faux love.

[00:03:34] I even gave up my apartment in San Francisco, bought a car and moved into the new apartment she'd gotten in Marin County. I did this even though she came to me shortly before we moved saying she had doubts about the relationship.

[00:03:47] I did this even though my name was not on the lease nor did I have a parking space. And even though I had doubts about the relationship as well. At the time, I was in denial. In denial is the most powerful of drugs.

[00:04:02] When she ended the relationship a few months later and I walked away, I was surprised to discover that I was relieved. Finally someone had the courage to tell the truth and so the tension was lifted. The unknown had arrived. I had been thrust into the void once again.

[00:04:21] And actually the void wasn't so bad after all. I found it has a certain brilliance to it for it is here that we become formless and so we can finally slowly embrace the truth, our truth. And in doing so, we transform.

[00:04:38] This is the work of the Hindu goddess Kali, fierce lover of destruction and chaos, goddess of time, change and creation. Not long after our breakup, I put a small statue of the dancing Kali on the dashboard of my car as I wandered trying to find my right place.

[00:04:57] There she still stands encouraging me to let go into the void, carry my sword and feel my true power. Recently I told a friend facing the void of retirement that it's like dismantling a house. Down must go all of our dreams, our hopes and even our identity.

[00:05:18] It must all be taken apart completely, the detritus moved out and the rooms emptied. For only then can we remove the dust, sweep up the dirt and get rid of the outdated junk. Only then can true reinvention begin.

[00:05:34] This process of letting go has its share of pain and suffering but our inner Kali can help us to embrace it. For once the way is laid truly bare, then the sweetest transformation can take place.

[00:05:48] Then we can finally tell the truth and begin to put the warm arm of compassion around our own shoulders. For me what followed the end of this relationship and the death of my daughter three months later

[00:06:00] was nothing less than a radical transformation of everything I was and everything I believed. I discovered life anew and walked around day after day being mind blown by what I was discovering. For one thing I found my values had been completely lost.

[00:06:18] I also realized I hadn't had much fun in forever and that I'd set my life up to revel in addictive behaviors that did nothing for my soul. We can walk away from such moments shaking our heads saying, What was I thinking?

[00:06:34] Then slowly and with a great deal of self care we can begin again to rebuild one tender step at a time and one single day at a time. So we become patient with ourselves and we learn to listen to our heart as we create anew

[00:06:49] this time informed by the wisdom of destruction. For destruction always leads to something better but only if we let it. There's no hurrying this process of reinvention dear friend nor should there be.

[00:07:04] There can only be surrender to the beautiful path of life which will always deliver us just to where we need to be. You just listened to the post titled The Magic and the Challenge of Letting Go by Suzanne Falter of SuzanneFalter.com Thank you to Suzanne.

[00:07:25] This is technically an excerpt from her book The Joy of Letting Go turned into a blog post on her site. So if you enjoyed this one you can check out her book. Again it's called The Joy of Letting Go and you can find it on Amazon.

[00:07:38] There was a part in there that I especially enjoyed that summed up this article pretty nicely. She said, Life is nothing but a continuous process of letting go.

[00:07:48] We're constantly being called to let go of love, money, fame, glory, acceptance, children, health, youth and so many treasured but often unobtainable goals. It's one release after another until finally at the end we let go of life itself.

[00:08:07] So true and the clinging to these things instead is what creates suffering. To fight against impermanence is a losing battle because as they say the only constant in this world is change. Everything has a time limit. Even if it's billions of years there's still some time limit.

[00:08:26] While that can sound a little bit depressing maybe, really shouldn't be. That opens up the door for more appreciation and gratitude. Something we talked about yesterday. There's always a silver lining. And with that we've reached the time limit of this episode.

[00:08:42] Have a great rest of your day and start to your weekend. And I'll see you tomorrow as usual. Wear your optimal life. Oh wait.