2996: Creating a Sense of Possibility by Tonya Lester on Creating Magic in Your Life

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Living Daily, Episode 2996, Creating a Sense of Possibility by Tonya Lester of TonyaLester.com and I'm Justin Malik. We're going to get right to today's post and continue optimizing your life. Creating a Sense of Possibility by Tonya Lester of TonyaLester.com

[00:00:25] Several years back, a friend relocated from New York City to Portland, Oregon with her young family. They left for all the reasons everyone moves from New York City, a chance to own a house

[00:00:36] with a yard, to escape the craziness of the school system here and to have a more reasonable cost of living. On a visit back, a group of us went to dinner and someone asked if there was anything she missed about New York City. After a pause, she said,

[00:00:52] I missed the feeling that I could walk out the door and anything could happen. It felt like something magical could fall into my lap. That excitement and sense of possibility is probably why 90% of transplants moved to New York City in the first place, myself included.

[00:01:09] The concrete jungle where dreams are made of and all that. But feeling a sense of possibility is not just linked with living in a big city. It's also associated with youth, a time when serendipity, igniting hope and fulfilling your potential feels almost inevitable.

[00:01:28] Sitting around the table that night, we were all deep in the grind of work and family. Not one of us was walking out the door each morning, thinking something magical might happen no matter where we lived.

[00:01:40] After a certain age, does it start to feel like life surprises are usually bad ones? And if so, is there a way to fight that Groundhog's Day feeling when so many of life's big decisions are settled? There is.

[00:01:54] Here are three ways to infuse your life with growth, adventure and awe, no matter what life stage you're in or how old you are. Number one, learning and growth. According to Sonia Lubomirski, a positive psychologist and author of The How of Happiness,

[00:02:12] A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want, quote, find a happy person and you'll find a project, end quote. This concept is so reliable for me and many of my clients that we regularly brainstorm projects in autumn to combat the predictable doldrums of the winter months.

[00:02:32] Having a project, which might be anything from renovating your home to learning flamenco, gives structure to our days and encourages our brains to think in productive forward-thinking ways. Find something you want to occupy your mind in the coming months. Our brains crave learning and growth.

[00:02:52] Pick a project that both invigorates and motivates you, moves your life in the direction you want to go. You'll know you hit on something good if you feel a little thrill just imagining it. Expanding your identity by expanding what you're capable of has a powerful effect

[00:03:08] on your self-esteem and sense of agency in your life. Number two, adventure. An acquaintance recently described moving to San Francisco right out of high school. He knew no one had very little money and no job.

[00:03:25] In those first few weeks he would job search in the mornings and in the afternoon, he would hop onto the bar and take any train out to the very last stop. He walked around wherever he landed exploring new neighborhoods and getting a better sense of his new home.

[00:03:41] He says about that time, quote, it sounds like it might have been depressing but it wasn't. It felt like an adventure, end quote. If we define adventure as an epic quest, it can feel out of reach in our day to day.

[00:03:56] If instead we see it as any situation we put ourselves in where we don't know what's going to happen, it suddenly becomes accessible. Novelty especially when combined with curiosity and persistence is the ultimate antidote to the daily grind. According to a Washington University psychiatrist and researcher, C. Robert

[00:04:16] Kloninger, quote, novelty seeking is one of the traits that keeps you healthy and happy and fosters personality growth as you age, end quote. And number three, awe. Richard Powers' beautiful book, The Overstory, is a love letter to trees and the people who revere them.

[00:04:36] Reading the book, I was awestruck by the complexity of this previously invisible to me ecosystem. Powers mesmerizing use of language inspired me to get out into the forest and soak in all that beauty. The book encapsulated all the things that inspire awe for me and author's

[00:04:55] extraordinary talent, a book's ability to take me to another place and time, and the mystery of the natural world. We humans want to be blown away, astonished and amazed. It's why even usually, adventurous types jump into their car to watch a solar eclipse or

[00:05:14] pay uncomfortable sums of money to watch a performer who moves them to tears or stop everything to watch Simone Biles vault her way to a gold medal. We normally associate awe with grand, often expensive plans, but almost anyone can wake up early to watch the sunrise or

[00:05:32] stay up late to gaze at the stars. Identify what helps you feel wunderstruck and see how you can make it part of your life. The enemies of possibility are stagnation, boredom, and cynicism, qualities we develop to avoid pain and disappointment.

[00:05:50] Inviting growth, adventure and awe into our lives could easily go wrong. You might face a serious ego blow, waste resources and feel foolish. It's still so much better than the alternative. Poet Mary Oliver asks us, quote, listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?

[00:06:11] End quote. Living well requires us to intentionally invite growth, adventure and awe into our lives. It's too easy, especially as we get older, to allow the status quo one foot in front of the other melancholia to wear us down. Don't wait for magic to fall into your lap.

[00:06:32] Create it. You just listened to the post titled, creating a sense of possibility by Tonya Lester of TonyaLester.com. Thank you to Tonya. I thought this one was a nice reminder that we don't necessarily need to be in

[00:06:50] a quote unquote exciting city or place in order to feel novelty and awe. We just have to be a bit more proactive about it. It's definitely true for me, I live in Southern California but in the suburbs and an area that many people consider a bubble with

[00:07:08] beige houses and beige storefronts. Or maybe you live in a place that people call the middle of nowhere or you are in a big city or near one and you've become accustomed to it.

[00:07:20] In all of these cases, we really have to take a moment to get out of the day to day monotony to appreciate something around us. There's always something even if it's as simple as the sky. That sense of curiosity and wonder is always in us, but

[00:07:36] we have to be the ones to remember to ignite it a bit. After all, we can't always control life's narrative, but we can definitely choose joy and discovery even if we're not in a concrete jungle.

[00:07:48] A nice one to remember today so thank you to Tonya for this one. Thank you for being here, have a great rest of your day and I'll see you tomorrow. Where your optimal life awaits.