3072: The 3 Reasons We Bury Our Dreams by Dr. Kelly Flanagan on Overcoming Rear, Resistance & Passion

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[00:01:00] This is Optimal Living Daily Episode 3072. The three reasons we bury our dreams by Dr. Kelly

[00:01:07] Flanagan of DrKelly Flanagan.com and a numerator, Justin Molick. And welcome back or welcome

[00:01:14] for the first time if you're new here. This is where I read to you every day of the year

[00:01:18] from the best blogs on the web. And we have other shows where we do this covering other

[00:01:23] topics. Just search for Optimal Living Daily and your podcast app to find all of our other

[00:01:28] shows. But with that, let's get right to our next article as we optimize your life.

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[00:01:38] The three reasons we bury our dreams by Dr. Kelly Flanagan of DrKelly Flanagan.com.

[00:01:46] This is the best time shortly after the Y2K bug did not end civilization. My girlfriend

[00:01:53] handed me a novel called "A Widow for One Year" by John Irving. I'd read many novels

[00:01:58] before and I'd enjoyed them, but widow was different. It deeply attuned me to what is

[00:02:05] sacred and sad, hilarious and hard, beautiful and broken, lovely and lonely, grueling and

[00:02:15] graceful about being human. The book humanized me. All of that to say overnight, a dream

[00:02:24] was awakened in me. I wanted to write a novel. At the time I was working on a master's

[00:02:30] thesis, shopping for an engagement ring for that girlfriend of mine and generally

[00:02:35] obsessed with having as much fun as possible in whatever time was left over.

[00:02:40] Suddenly, though, fawn meant skipping a party.

[00:02:43] on a Saturday night to stay home and write. I can't remember how much I ultimately wrote,

[00:02:50] because eventually I married that girlfriend and we had our first child while launching

[00:02:55] our careers. At some point, I buried the novel on a long-lost hard drive, and I can't even

[00:03:01] remember what it was about. I stand by that decision. I had a family to start and a career

[00:03:08] to get off the ground. My energies were needed elsewhere. What I question is, "How deeply

[00:03:15] I buried that dream in my psyche." When I was pitching, lovable, one of the acquisition

[00:03:21] editors described our passions as "the things we never knew we always wanted to do."

[00:03:28] Yep, you can have a passion for writing a novel for 20 years and not even know it. You

[00:03:33] can have a passion for anything for a lifetime and not even know it. Why? Because of what

[00:03:39] we believe about our passions. They're not practical, they're a luxury, they're selfish,

[00:03:46] they're silly, they don't matter, they're not lucrative, they're not applauded, and on

[00:03:52] and on. We bury our dreams beneath a bunch of quite reasonable reasons for burying them,

[00:03:58] and eventually we forget they're there altogether. In August of 2020, after publishing True Companions,

[00:04:05] it was time to pitch the second non-fiction book of a two-book contract to my publisher.

[00:04:11] I was confident in the concept and hopeful the publisher would approve it, but also prepared

[00:04:16] for disappointment. I was not prepared for what they actually said. We think this would

[00:04:22] work better as fiction. It was a dream come true, so of course I jumped at the opportunity,

[00:04:29] right? Wrong. I told them I must not have been clear enough. I revised the non-fiction

[00:04:35] proposal and resubmitted it. Why was I now actively working to keep my dream buried?

[00:04:43] Perhaps because one of the only things worse than not chasing a dream is chasing it and

[00:04:49] not catching it. A heart full of hope is easier to handle than a heart broken by disappointment.

[00:04:55] We preserved the possibility of our dreams by not living them. So I submitted a second

[00:05:02] non-fiction proposal confident this time my publisher would see the light. They didn't. Their

[00:05:08] feedback was unchanged. Well, we still think this would work better as fiction. The dream within me

[00:05:16] began to stir. Could I? Could I really? Could I really write a novel? I sought the counsel

[00:05:23] of my trusted agent. She cautioned me that most authors

[00:05:27] Brothers have several novels in the drawer before they mastered the craft well enough

[00:05:31] to actually pull one off, but she encouraged me to get started anyway, so I did.

[00:05:38] And her reaction to the early pages, fanned the embers of that old dream of mine.

[00:05:43] Your characters, they're alive, keep going.

[00:05:47] And writing the un-hiding of Elijah Campbell became the greatest thrill of my creative life.

[00:05:54] I'd plan for the characters to do one thing, and they'd do something entirely different,

[00:05:59] something somehow more real and more truthful and more meaningful than I'd had in mind.

[00:06:06] And I'd feel like I was the only one in the theater on opening night, watching a heart-rending

[00:06:11] story unfold before anyone else gets to see it.

[00:06:16] Then six months later, the first draft was done.

[00:06:19] I went for a walk with a friend a couple of days later and told him I'd finished it.

[00:06:25] He asked if I'd sent it to my agent yet.

[00:06:28] I told him no, and I might never send it.

[00:06:31] He asked why.

[00:06:32] I told him publishing a novel just didn't make sense for me at this point in my career.

[00:06:38] I wanted to publish a book about pursuing our passions.

[00:06:41] He looked at me and said, "How can you write a book about pursuing your passion if you're

[00:06:46] not pursuing yours?"

[00:06:48] Touche.

[00:06:50] Stephen Pressfield says there's a malevolent force in the universe called resistance.

[00:06:56] He says its sole intent is to keep us from living the lives we're here to live, and

[00:07:01] he writes, "The danger is greatest when the finish line is in sight.

[00:07:08] At this point, resistance knows we're about to beat it.

[00:07:12] It hits the panic button, and Marshals one last assault and slams us with everything

[00:07:18] it's got."

[00:07:20] I'm not sure what resistance is, probably some amalgam of our wounds and shame and fear

[00:07:26] and ego, but I'm sure it didn't want me to show the manuscript to anyone.

[00:07:32] Our dreams are relatively safe experiments and being human until we drag them out into

[00:07:37] the light for everybody to see.

[00:07:40] Then, they have to dance with our fears.

[00:07:43] In the end, I didn't write a book about pursuing our passions.

[00:07:47] Rather, the book itself is a living example of one guy pursuing his, twenty years after

[00:07:54] the idea first enthralled him.

[00:07:56] I'm really proud of the shape this long buried dream of mine has ultimately taken in the

[00:08:01] world, and I can't wait for you to read it.

[00:08:04] Elijah's story has made me a more peaceful, forgiving, and faithful human being.

[00:08:11] I believe it'll do the same for you, too.

[00:08:13] You just listened to the post titled, "The Three Reasons We Berry Art Dreams" by Dr. Kelly Flanagan of DrKelliflanagan.com, and I'll be right back with my commentary.

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[00:09:28] Thank you to Dr. Flanagan.

[00:09:30] There were some great quotes in here, and I'll have some in the show notes for this episode that you can reflect on.

[00:09:36] "One towards the end that hit home with me.

[00:09:39] Our dreams are relatively safe experiments in being human until we drag them out into the light for everybody to see.

[00:09:48] Then, they have to dance with our fears."

[00:09:51] I'm sure we've all felt this at some point in our lives, and this can be a deeper issue with control, really.

[00:09:59] Because before that passion becomes public, it's all within our heads and within our control, right?

[00:10:07] Because we still have to do the work, or the practice, or what have you.

[00:10:11] And that's all in our control, but once it becomes more public to the world and others can comment on it,

[00:10:19] well, now that's out of our control, and that can be really scary.

[00:10:24] And kind of crazy that for him, the spark to write a book simply came from just reading another.

[00:10:31] It's truly amazing how big of an impact something relatively small can have on our lives.

[00:10:37] I know some books had massive impacts on me.

[00:10:40] Hopefully some of these articles can do the same for you.

[00:10:44] And with that, appreciate you being here and listening and learning along with me.

[00:10:49] Have a great weekend, and I'll see you tomorrow, where you're optimal life.

[00:10:53] Awaits.