3088: How To Challenge Shame Using The Art of Mindfulness by Dr. Margaret Rutherford on Present Moment Awareness

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Living Daily Episode 3088, How To Challenge Shame Using The Art of Mindfulness by Dr. Margaret Rutherford of Dr. Margaret Rutherford.com And I'm Justin Malik, your very own personal narrator today and every day.

[00:00:16] Me narrating means there are no interviews on this podcast, just short episodes where we can both improve our lives one day at a time. So with that, let's get right to today's post and start optimizing our life.

[00:00:32] How To Challenge Shame Using The Art of Mindfulness by Dr. Margaret Rutherford of Dr. Margaret Rutherford.com A lot of folks hear the word mindfulness and immediately think that it's some weird new agey thing, but it's not that. It's also not simply awareness or being conscious of something.

[00:00:52] It goes beyond that. True mindfulness deepens your experience of the present. In The Mindful Way Through Depression, freeing yourself from chronic unhappiness, the authors describe the relationship between consciousness or awareness and mindfulness. Quote, Mindfulness is much more than paying attention more thoroughly.

[00:01:15] It's paying attention differently, changing how we pay attention. Being mindful means intentionally turning off the autopilot mode in which we operate so much of the time, tuning into things as they are in the present with full awareness. End quote. Try this if you're not driving.

[00:01:35] You're sitting or standing somewhere listening to this. Notice for a moment how your body feels. If you're sitting, notice the weight of your body in the chair. Notice what you can hear. Notice if there's a breeze or if the air is still. Notice if he can taste anything.

[00:01:54] Allow thoughts or emotions to come and go as you notice their presence. That's being mindful. You're living in that moment and that moment only. Anxiety pushes you into the future. Depression pulls you into what's past.

[00:02:11] Mindfulness leaves them both on the outside of your thoughts and accentuates the importance and energy of the now. But the practice of mindfulness has another vital function, and it's the act of noticing.

[00:02:25] If you simply notice a painful emotion or a thought in the present, but you don't fuel it in any way like heating it or wanting it to go away, that very acceptance can disempower it.

[00:02:39] It's what we think about or believe about something that causes us to make a judgment about it, not the thing itself. My own journey was learning mindfulness. Let me offer myself as an example. I've been very open about having anxiety to be specific panic disorder.

[00:02:57] I'm a student of mindfulness with much left to learn. But I've been trying to notice my anxiety when it happens, to stay in the present and to allow my anxiety to be rather than forming a judgment about it or fueling it with fear.

[00:03:13] My particular panic causes my legs to shake at times. I walked into a very small shop that was packed with people and I could feel the shaking begin. Instead of freaking out, feeding the panic with the thought,

[00:03:26] I bet this is going to lead into a big panic attack. I'll be horribly embarrassed and I'll never come to this shop again. I simply noticed my legs. Hmm, feels like my legs are starting to shake. I didn't heap fear or shame on it.

[00:03:42] Coupled with focusing on externals, the panic faded away. The more you practice staying in the moment, it's like anything else you practice. It can become a new pattern, a new behavior. It begins to set up its own pathway in your brain, becoming a ready option for you.

[00:04:01] To catch 22 of perfectionism and how mindfulness can help. Just like I observed my legs shaking, you can learn to catch perfectionist thoughts and ignore the voices of criticism before they gain power. With perfectionism and even perfectly hidden depression,

[00:04:19] you're constantly evaluating yourself and finding yourself not living up to your standards. Even if you're successful or have accomplished things very difficult to achieve, you'll focus instead on what could be better, how you're falling short of who you believe you could be.

[00:04:36] For example, perhaps you've had it in your mind to do something, but you put it off because you can't fit it into your already overly crowded schedule. So you push it completely, or almost completely, out of your consciousness,

[00:04:49] except you know you haven't done it and rather than admit, sorry I can't pull that off today or maybe I'll get to that next week, but this week's just impossible. You further shame yourself for that avoidance. It goes way beyond drive or high expectations. It's a catch 22.

[00:05:08] Do it, but not perfectly and there's shame. Don't do it, put it off. Man there's shame. Try being mindful of shame. Shame is a feeling. So think of feelings as waves in an ocean. Each feeling, each wave has a life of its own.

[00:05:26] It begins far out deep in the sea itself. Then gradually as it rolls to shore you can see its shape, its strength, its power. But when its time is done, when it disappears into froth on the beach, it's replaced by the next wave.

[00:05:43] And all you can feel is the undertow demonstrating that it still exists even though it has gone under the surface once again. And this process goes on and on and on. Mindfulness is being aware of each moment of that waves that emotions apparent life,

[00:06:02] writing it until it inevitably comes to an end. So what does being mindful of shame mean? What would that process look like or feel like? The voice of perfectly hidden depression has told you that if you feel emotional pain, it might never go away.

[00:06:20] But if you're mindful of shame, you can discover you have the capability of noting it, connecting with it, feeling it, and then moving into the next present moment. Oh there's shame, hmm. If you don't hate or wallow in the shame but simply notice its presence,

[00:06:37] you can learn that you can cope with it and then let it go. An emotion or thought only has power if you give it power, even if its shame. You just listen to the post titled How to Challenge Shame Using the Art of Mindfulness

[00:06:59] by Dr. Margaret Rutherford of Dr.MargaretRutherford.com and I'll be right back with my commentary. Thank you to Dr. Margaret. This can be easier said than done, but with more and more mindfulness practice, just like she said, I think it does become more second nature.

[00:07:17] So with her example of panic, she mentioned noticing the feeling of shaking in her leg instead of the thoughts about it. It can be really tough to do this and actually separate the thoughts from the feeling or emotions. I don't think you can make this one change today

[00:07:35] and be cured of panic, for instance. But again, the more mindfulness is practiced, the better I guess. And then her comment about anxiety pushing you into the future and depression pulling you into what's past. That's an interesting one

[00:07:50] and reminds me of something my Tai Chi instructor said the other day. Smiling brings you back to the present. It's actually difficult to think negative thoughts or get anxious or ruminate while smiling. I recommend giving it a try. If you find yourself doing that ruminating or being anxious,

[00:08:09] feeling shame or maybe disappointment in yourself, anything along those lines. You probably don't want to smile in that moment, but remembering that in the overall realm of things, everything's okay and really just forcing that smile. It might just help. Give it a shot.

[00:08:27] And with that, thank you for being here. Have a great weekend and I'll catch you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits. Thank you.