3099: 13 Overrated Virtues by Joshua Fields Millburn of The Minimalists on Minimalism & Personal Development

[00:00:00] It's a minimalist Monday edition of Optimal Living Daily Episode 3099, 13 Overrated Virtues by Joshua Fields Millburn of TheMinimalists.com and I'm your narrator Justin Malik. We can jump right into our next article today as we optimize your life. 13 Overrated Virtues by Joshua Fields Millburn of TheMinimalists.com

[00:00:28] After surveying the most pertinent qualities of worthwhile relationships, we must also consider the virtues we've been acculturated to believe our noble but are often overrated. Number one, loyalty. Yes, it is important to be loyal to loved ones, but loyalty alone is typically misguided and

[00:00:47] may even degrade your relationships by creating a smoke screen between rationality and reality. Being loyal is fine, but loyalty at the expense of integrity is detrimental to a relationship. Number two, honor. Yes, we want to honor our parents, neighbors, friends and family, but to what extent?

[00:01:09] If your best friend becomes a violent criminal, should you still hold him in great esteem? While an appropriate degree of honor is crucial, bare-faced honor can inadvertently tether us to the convictions and conventions that prevent us from living in accordance with our values. Number three, righteousness.

[00:01:27] We all want to be right, but if you constantly assert your correctness, it comes off as self-righteous or gloating and that's never healthy for a relationship. When in doubt, I don't know are the three most freeing words we can utter. Number four, transparency.

[00:01:45] You want to be honest and open with others, but you need to let every thought that enters your brain spill out of your mouth unfiltered. If you aren't careful, you can hurt the ones you love and hurt your relationships with them in the process. Number five, pleasure.

[00:02:01] Pleasure isn't good or bad, but the pursuit of pleasure is hedonism. Our relationships aren't supposed to be vectors of perpetual delight. Although our interactions can be pleasurable, pleasure need to be the star by which we navigate our relational vessels.

[00:02:17] If we do, we're likely to forsake many of the elements that make the relationship worthwhile. Number six, comfort. A close cousin to pleasure, comfort is tricky. The stoic philosopher, Mussonius Rufus argued that someone who tries to avoid all discomfort

[00:02:34] is less likely to be comfortable than someone who periodically embraces discomfort. Thus, if we seek discomfort, we have the ability to expand our comfort zone. Number seven, lust. We all have impulses, but we often confuse our desires and passion with lust.

[00:02:52] And when lust takes over, we lose all our senses. Today more than ever, our lust extends well beyond sexual desire. We are consumed by a craving for cars and clothes and camera equipment. And for some odd reason, the large swath of our puritanical culture has agreed that

[00:03:08] yearning for stuff is an acceptable alternative to sexual longing. But both desires, when not pursued with intention, lead to obvious deleterious consequences. Number eight, agreeability. Most of us wish to be in harmony with the people we love.

[00:03:25] It seems the quickest route to this harmony is to agree with others as frequently as possible. Yet this impulse is misguided. If we placate people, it's not only dishonest, it closes the door to individuality. It is possible, however, to disagree with someone tactfully while keeping their point

[00:03:43] of view in mind. Ryan and I disagree all the time, but we almost never argue. If you can make that distinction, your relationship will improve because when you do agree, the other person will know it's genuine and not just an attempt to win their favor. Number nine, empathy.

[00:04:01] Perhaps the most controversial of the overrated virtues. These days we hear everyone from preachers to pundits proclaim the power of empathy. But most of these people are actually talking about compassion, not empathy. If that's the case, I have no argument.

[00:04:16] Compassion, that is concern for the misfortunes of others, is useful and we could use more of it. Empathy, however, that is the ability to feel the suffering of others, is not a desirable outcome. The Yale researcher and philosopher Paul Bloom makes this point in his book

[00:04:34] Against Empathy, the Case for Rational Compassion. Quote, We often think of our capacity to experience the suffering of others as the ultimate source of goodness. Nothing could be further from the truth, end quote. Bloom goes on to say that empathy is, quote,

[00:04:49] One of the leading motivators of inequality and immorality in society, Far from helping us to improve the lives of others, Empathy is a capricious and irrational emotion that appeals to our narrow prejudices. It muddles our judgment and ironically often leads to cruelty, end quote. According to Bloom, quote,

[00:05:09] We are at our best when we are smart enough not to rely on it, But to draw instead upon a more distanced compassion, end quote. Number 10, negativity This one might be confusing at first. How is negativity an overrated virtue? Does anyone actually think negativity is a good thing?

[00:05:29] If we were to measure popular opinion, almost everyone would recognize negativity as being bad. Why then do we constantly bicker, complain and gossip? Because it's a perceived shortcut. If you complain about the same thing as someone else or gossip about another person,

[00:05:46] It increases your bond with your fellow complainer. There's an old saying that hurt people hurt people. And that's what's happening whenever we walk around infecting the world with negativity. Number 11, jealousy The most wasteful emotion, jealousy is rooted in suspicion.

[00:06:05] In that you're not good enough, that you're not doing enough, That the other person isn't as deserving as you. Jealousy is a selfish emotion, one that does not serve the greater good in the slightest. The antidote to jealousy is a little known virtue called compersion.

[00:06:21] The feeling of joy one has while experiencing another person's joy, Such as witnessing a toddler smile and feeling joy in response. When experiencing joy based on the joy of someone else, Real space remains for jealousy in the relationship. Number 12, sentimentality

[00:06:40] The Greek philosopher Zeno believed that people were designed to be reasonable, But they also recognized that we are human beings, And human beings are propelled by emotion. Thus we need shun reason or emotion, But we must avoid sentimentality, that is excessive tenderness, sadness or nostalgia,

[00:06:58] Because it crowds out reason in favor of overpowering emotions. When we're feeling overly emotional, it is helpful to gain additional perspective By involving the reasoning of a grounded outside party. Number 13, solemnity Yes we want to be taken seriously and we want to approach relationships with dignity,

[00:07:18] But we must leave ample room for humor and levity, Otherwise we'll be burdened and eventually buried by our own self-seriousness. Ergo, make room for jokes, even in, especially in, the most trying times. While some of these so-called virtues are best avoided altogether,

[00:07:37] Jealousy, self-righteousness and negativity are especially worth steering away from, Most can serve you well when you find the individually appropriate amount. You just listened to the post titled, 13 Overrated Virtues by Joshua Fields Milburn of TheMinimalist.com And I'll be right back with my commentary.

[00:08:02] Take it to Joshua of The Minimalist, a friend of the show. An interesting post today that really shows there's always a sort of darker side To what most of us would consider good things. I think this is true in many different areas of life.

[00:08:15] You know like we often hear drink more water or drink more water. Granted this is true for most people as most of us are dehydrated most of the time, Including me. But there is such thing as water intoxication which can actually kill you.

[00:08:30] Or even if you're just overdoing it on water, As Dr. Neal has shared on optimal health daily before, If you're drinking too much water in general, That can cause you to lose nutrients. That was a pretty big sidestep from this article but all that to say,

[00:08:44] There's two sides to a coin, or six sides on dice. Something else I want to mention Joshua and Ryan of The Minimalist have a more Recent book out that's been highly reviewed. Love people, use things. They didn't ask me to mention this but I want to because

[00:09:00] I'm really proud of them for doing their audiobook themselves. The fun fact I did three of their audiobooks after they heard my narration Of their work here on this show. Joshua said that the way I speak is really close to how he would say things

[00:09:14] And that'd be perfect fit to be their narrator for their audiobooks. But I've heard him narrate before here on this show. I had him guest host the podcast before and I thought why doesn't he narrate his own books?

[00:09:26] Granted it's a lot of work to do but I think it's worth it in the end Especially when it's your own book. So I wanted to mention that big high five to them for going through the process, Learning it all and actually completing it.

[00:09:38] Again you can check out that book it's called Love People, Use Things. And high five for you being here. I hope this post challenged you in a healthy way. I know it did for me.

[00:09:47] Have a great rest of your day and I'll see you tomorrow in the Tuesday show Where your optimal life awaits.