3116: Four New Ways to Convert Worry to Confidence by Ingrid Y. Helander on Unlocking Inner Calm

[00:00:00] Before we start, please check out our new podcast Good Sleep. Have you ever noticed how a calm mind can really set the stage for a good night's sleep? That's the idea behind our new podcast Good Sleep. Greg, our host from Optimal Relationship Daily is here to help ease you into a peaceful night's rest with some positive affirmations and these affirmations aren't just comforting they can help ease anxiety and nurture positive thoughts setting you up for true good sleep. So press play on Good Sleep tonight because a good tomorrow starts

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[00:00:38] This is Optimal Living Daily Episode 3116 for new ways to convert worry to confidence by Ingrid Y. Hollander of Ingrid Y. Hollander LMFT.com

[00:00:49] and I'm your narrator Justin Malik reading you blogs every single day of the year including holidays and I'll get right to it as we optimize your life.

[00:01:00] For new ways to convert worry to confidence by Ingrid Y. Hollander of Ingrid Y. Hollander LMFT.com

[00:01:11] Using internal family systems or IFS therapy concepts, you can actually change the way you react to the parts of your personality that work like a little internal family inside you.

[00:01:23] Along with care for your physical body and your nervous system, parts of your personality need loving care and attention to maintain your sense of calm and connectedness.

[00:01:32] Here are a few examples of how people often react to worried parts that only make things worse.

[00:01:38] The moment Kendra feels a sense of worry she reminds herself what a worried anxious wreck she is.

[00:01:44] Essentially she fully embodies the worry for getting about any other feelings or perspectives she has.

[00:01:50] James, who experienced a significant trauma in high school, has learned to press away or ignore the worry, feeling an acting agitated but refusing to deal with parts of him that feel triggered and painful.

[00:02:03] A very organized person herself when Betty senses more worry in her own system she scans her environment looking for other people or projects to manage.

[00:02:13] Her teenage children know when mom has that look and stay away.

[00:02:17] And Derek was taught that you should not speak up for your feelings or frankly to have feelings at all.

[00:02:23] As a result when he feels nervous, he complains about everything around him instead.

[00:02:28] Inside he hopes that someone will rescue him from painful feelings but since he cannot even recognize much less talk about them, he instead expresses feeling victimized by a corrupt government in greedy workplace.

[00:02:41] If you've ever reacted as these people do, you know that the results are panic, physical pain, poor relationships and a sense of ineffectiveness and frustration.

[00:02:52] When these patterns are repeated throughout life they make it extremely difficult to handle stress and feel confident.

[00:02:58] IFS is a lifesaver here. IFS provides a true and effective way to view parts of our personalities and to help them.

[00:03:07] From the IFS perspective your personalities made up of many parts sub personalities that have developed roles and interactions inside you as you have grown and developed.

[00:03:17] Parts are natural and normal, they're not bad.

[00:03:21] Parts always want good things for you but they can take on extreme roles which become burdens for them.

[00:03:27] Parts may or may not have a gender and it may or may not be the same as yours.

[00:03:31] Some people have a clear visualization of their parts, for others it is more of a feeling, both are normal.

[00:03:38] You also have a self, a core or guiding leadership that when it is differentiated from your parts is your true nature without issues, burdens or agendas.

[00:03:48] You can recognize self as having the qualities of compassion, clarity, courage, confidence, creativity, caring, connectedness and calmness.

[00:03:58] Your internal system is in balance when yourself is in leadership and your parts have access to this leadership.

[00:04:07] While there is no substitute for a trusted IFS therapist, you can be able to understand your relationship to your parts and use these tools along with good physical and nerve care as you create a foundation of inner trust.

[00:04:20] Here are four new ways to access your calm, confident self.

[00:04:24] Promote healthy, integrated emotions.

[00:04:27] Number one, remember that your emotions are not all of you.

[00:04:33] When you have a strong feeling like worry, first breathe and notice where you feel it in or around your body or mind.

[00:04:41] This can be difficult at first but there has to be some sensation that indicates worry for you.

[00:04:46] As you feel this body sensation, let yourself feel it as just one part of you.

[00:04:51] It is not all of you and you are not worried.

[00:04:54] You have worry or worried feeling in part of you.

[00:04:59] Number two, offer compassion to all of yourself even parts that make mistakes due to worry.

[00:05:05] As you feel your worried parts ask yourself how do I feel toward this part of myself?

[00:05:11] Often the answer is clear, I do not like this part of me at all.

[00:05:15] If that's true for you simply acknowledge that one part of you feels worried and another part doesn't like that.

[00:05:21] Makes sense, right?

[00:05:23] If you agree with the part that dislikes worry, breathe and feel that part of your body or mind.

[00:05:29] And let it know that you agree.

[00:05:31] Worry can feel very uncomfortable and frustrating.

[00:05:34] Number three, learn how to love yourself even your worry.

[00:05:39] If possible and don't force it, ask if the parts of you that do not like your worry,

[00:05:44] to step back for a moment so you can send a little breath or curiosity toward the sensation of worry.

[00:05:49] Ask the worry what it believes would happen if it did not worry this way.

[00:05:54] If you get an answer like, I feel so much better, that's probably a different part.

[00:05:59] See if you can imagine why the worry doesn't just stop.

[00:06:02] In almost all cases the worry has a reason for being there.

[00:06:05] It is in some way trying to help you.

[00:06:07] Even if you don't deeply understand it, breathe internally toward the sensation sending genuine compassion to this worried part.

[00:06:14] Let it know that it is not alone.

[00:06:16] You are there.

[00:06:18] Enjoy the integrated sense of calm when this worried part senses your presence.

[00:06:23] And number four, establish a practice to increase your sense of self.

[00:06:28] Finally, the more self-quality you have available to you, the more your parts will feel safe, secure and calm.

[00:06:35] Notice if you can tell when you are feeling a part of you.

[00:06:39] Also look for times when you feel you are authentically looking through your own eyes of curiosity and care.

[00:06:43] See if you can genuinely get more curious and compassionate with your parts.

[00:06:48] Your sub-personalities, your internal family will recognize you as their good leader and will build your strong, confident foundation.

[00:06:57] You have the power within your physical body, nervous system and personality to strengthen and encourage yourself through stressful times.

[00:07:06] No more will you need to completely collapse into panic or depression.

[00:07:09] It takes practice and dedication, but this practice is intuitive and so healthy you will want more each day.

[00:07:22] You just listen to the post titled Four New Ways to Convert Worry to Confidence by Ingrid Y.

[00:07:28] Helander of IngridYHelanderLMFTE.com and I'll be right back with my commentary.

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[00:08:40] They get Ingrid so this is actually part four of a four-part series, although I thought it stands pretty well on its own.

[00:08:46] To check out the other parts covering different areas of confidence come by this article on her website and she has a link to the other parts.

[00:08:54] You can always find a link to the article that I read in the episode description and at oldpodcast.com.

[00:09:01] This article reminded me of something that I noticed.

[00:09:05] I used to listen to a lot of true crime podcasts and even watch a bunch of true crime documentaries on Netflix and the like.

[00:09:13] And when Ingrid was talking about worries in particular, it reminded me of how I was generally more worried during that time.

[00:09:22] Specifically about well things like crime and it's kind of crazy to think about how big of an impact something like entertainment can have.

[00:09:32] You really are what you surround yourself with.

[00:09:34] And hopefully that's one of the reasons you're here to combat that kind of negativity and have a little daily dose of positivity which really does add up.

[00:09:45] Because again doing the opposite can really impact us negatively.

[00:09:50] So thank you for being here and getting your daily dose of positivity along with me.

[00:09:56] Have a great rest of your day and I'll see you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.