3117: Tilting My Mirror (Motivation is Delicate) AND Kurt Vonnegut Explains Drama by Derek Sivers

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[00:00:54] This is Optimal Living Daily Episode 3117, tilting my mirror. Motivation is delicate.

[00:01:01] And Kurt Vonnegut explains drama, both by Derek Sivers of Sivers that's s-i-v-e dot r-s and I'm Justin Malik.

[00:01:11] Happy middle of the week Wednesday and welcome to Optimal Living Daily or OLD or old, one of a few shows where we read articles to you.

[00:01:19] Today actually two articles, so with that let's get right to them as we optimize your life.

[00:01:26] Tilting my mirror, motivation is delicate by Derek Sivers of Sivers s-i-v-e dot r-s.

[00:01:38] Motivation is delicate. When you notice your motivation fading, you have to seek out the subtle cause.

[00:01:46] A simple tweak can make all the difference between achieving something or not.

[00:01:51] An hour outside my city there's a little mountain range. The other side is gorgeous, but the road that crosses the mountains is very twisted with sharp turns every few seconds.

[00:02:02] The first two times I drove across my kid threw up in the back seat. It's also stressful because I'm surrounded by mountain scenery,

[00:02:10] but I can't take my eyes off the winding road. Though I drive at a normal speed, the other cars follow impatiently on my tail because many of them drive this road every day.

[00:02:21] Crossing the mountains takes only half an hour, but I always arrive exhausted. The stress was affecting my motivation enough that I wanted to stop visiting.

[00:02:33] So one day I tried a new approach. My drove really slowly. Now the turns didn't make my kids sick.

[00:02:41] Now I could afford to take a few seconds to glance sideways and appreciate the scenery. Now it wasn't stressful except for one thing, the impatient queue of cars behind me.

[00:02:53] I care perhaps too much about other people, so just seeing them in my mirror made me go back to driving faster than I wanted which brought back all the original problems.

[00:03:04] So I made one simple tweak. I tilted my rear view mirror up towards the ceiling so I couldn't see anything behind me. That little tweak changed everything.

[00:03:15] Now it feels like I'm almost alone on this gorgeous mountain drive going at my own pace, not influenced or stressed by anyone else.

[00:03:24] There's a passing lane every few minutes so when it comes the other cars whizz by me but for 30 minutes they're not my problem.

[00:03:32] When I get to the other side of the mountain I put my mirror back. Now I visit all the time, no stress at all.

[00:03:41] You know I'm going for the metaphor here. Social media comments, distracting environments, discouraging family members, your email inbox, even the toughest of us have delicate motivation.

[00:03:55] When you notice that something is affecting your drive find a way to adjust your environment even if that's a little inconvenient for others.

[00:04:06] Kurt Vonnegut explains drama by Derek Sivers of Sivers that's S-I-V-E.r-S

[00:04:15] I was at a Kurt Vonnegut talk in New York a few years ago talking about writing, life and everything.

[00:04:23] He explained why people have such a need for drama in their life. He said,

[00:04:28] people have been hearing fantastic stories since time began. The problem is they think life is supposed to be like the stories.

[00:04:36] Let's look at a few examples. He drew an empty grid on the board, time moves from left to right, happiness from bottom to top.

[00:04:45] He said, let's look at a very common story arc, the story of Cinderella.

[00:04:52] It starts with her awful life, with evil stepsisters scrubbing the fireplace. Then she gets an invitation to the ball, things look up.

[00:05:01] Then the fairy godmother makes her address and a coach even better. Then she goes to the ball and dances with the prince. This is great.

[00:05:10] But then it's midnight, she has to go.

[00:05:14] Oh no, sadness. Back to her humdrum life scrubbing the fireplace. But it's not as bad as before because she's had this encouraging experience.

[00:05:24] Then the prince finds her and happiness factor is off the chart happily ever after.

[00:05:31] Vonnegut continues, people love that story. This story arc has been written a thousand times and a thousand tales and because of it, people think their lives are supposed to be like this.

[00:05:42] He wiped the board clean and said, now let's look at another popular story arc, the disaster.

[00:05:49] It's an ordinary day in an ordinary town but something horrible happens. My child falls down a well. The whole town gathers to save her.

[00:05:58] Old grudges surface but are belittled in the light of this tragedy. Rifts are bonded as people work together.

[00:06:06] The child is saved and all as well. But notice it's a little better than it was before now that this incident has brought them all closer together.

[00:06:16] Vonnegut continues, people love that story. This story arc has been written a thousand times and a thousand tales and because of it, people think their lives are supposed to be like this.

[00:06:28] But the problem is, life is really like this. Our lives drift along with normal things happening, some ups, some downs. But nothing to go down in history about.

[00:06:40] Nothing so fantastic or terrible that I'll be told for a thousand years. Vonnegut says quote, but because we grew up surrounded by big dramatic story arcs and books and movies, we think our lives are supposed to be filled with huge ups and downs.

[00:06:56] So people pretend there is drama when there is none. That's why people invent fights. That's why we're drawn to sports. That's why we act like everything that happens to us is such a big deal.

[00:07:08] We're trying to make our life into a fairy tale.

[00:07:12] You just listen to the posts titled tilting my mirror motivation is delicate and Kurt Vonnegut explains drama both by Derek Sivers of Sivers that's s-i-v-e.r-s.

[00:07:30] And I'll be right back with my commentary. We've heard from a lot of amazing people on this podcast, but if you're like me, you want to go deeper.

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[00:09:08] Think of it, Derek. A little secret I've narrated these before but it was so long ago there's a very good chance you've never heard these or if you did probably forgot them.

[00:09:19] But I really do enjoy reading Derek stuff because I find his anecdotes super helpful.

[00:09:25] The first post about motivation fits very well with what we talked about yesterday.

[00:09:30] I was mentioning how when I listen to a lot of true crime podcasts or watch a bunch of true crime documentaries.

[00:09:37] Well, I get more anxious or worried about crime and I didn't mention this yesterday but I become more suspicious about people around me.

[00:09:48] When in reality it's probably hurting more than it's helping. It's causing unnecessary stress.

[00:09:54] Obviously, some care about our surroundings is important but when I consume a certain kind of content especially daily it starts to have an effect after some time.

[00:10:05] And a little tweak can make a massive difference like Derek was saying with his mirror metaphor.

[00:10:11] If you're listening to this I think you're a step ahead already which is great and maybe there are some other areas of your life where a tiny little change could make a big difference.

[00:10:22] So something to think about this week. Hope you're having a great middle of the week. Thank you for being here and I'll see you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.