3129: A Simple Act of Kindness by Dr. Allison Niebes-Davis of Dr. Allison Answers on Gestures of Recognition

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[00:01:08] This is Optimal Living Daily Episode 3129, a simple act of kindness by Dr. Allison Nebis Davis

[00:01:16] of Dr. Allison Answers.com and I'm Justin Malik. We'll come back to a Sunday bonus episode where I give you

[00:01:23] a little bit of extra content from a different podcast in our network that I think will also help you

[00:01:28] live a life that's a bit more meaningful and happier. And this episode is coming from Optimal Relationships

[00:01:34] Daily, so without further ado here's Greg with a bonus post as we optimize your life.

[00:01:44] A simple act of kindness by Dr. Allison Nebis Davis of Dr. Allison Answers.com

[00:01:50] Today I'm sharing a simple act of kindness, an act that's floated in and out of my mind since it

[00:01:57] happened nearly a month ago. I'm sharing this simple act of kindness to inspire you and to remind

[00:02:02] you that it doesn't take much to make someone feel good. Earlier this spring I made the big and bold

[00:02:08] decision to expand my practice. It was a scary decision, one that took an enormous amount of courage.

[00:02:14] Life quickly became stressful, signing leases, crunching numbers, planning new hires and designing a

[00:02:19] new office space. All of my attention was on the new practice. Balance went out the window and

[00:02:25] life's other priorities got pushed aside. One of the biggest things to get pushed aside, my workouts.

[00:02:32] While I'm not super into health and fitness, I have developed a pretty consistent workout routine

[00:02:37] over the last three years waking up at 5am from my beloved orange theory class. At 5am it's a pretty

[00:02:44] regular crew at our studio, yet I don't actually know the people in my class that well.

[00:02:49] I know a few first names, I know who likes what number treadmill and I know who likes rap versus

[00:02:54] 80s rock. Recently though, I've become Facebook friends with a few of my classmates but in all honesty

[00:03:00] I still don't know them that well. So during the stressful season of opening the new practice

[00:03:06] I made the decision to ease up on my workouts. I knew I couldn't stay up till midnight wired

[00:03:11] on caffeine and then wake up at 4.30am so I gave myself permission to take a B and get back

[00:03:18] on the workout train when things settled down. A month went by, when Facebook alerted me to a new

[00:03:24] message. I was taken aback to see a message from one of the fellow 5am orange theory members.

[00:03:31] It read, hey Ali, I haven't seen you guys for a while. It might be that I've been traveling a

[00:03:36] bit but I wanted to check and see if you and Matt were okay. I stared at the screen, a bit stunned,

[00:03:42] confused, and then in a quick second I felt a wave of familiar emotion. Not happiness, not sadness,

[00:03:50] not joy or embarrassment. This emotion was much more specific and nuanced. In that moment I felt

[00:03:57] overwhelmingly seen. Seen isn't an emotion you hear often but it's powerful. Feeling seen is like

[00:04:06] someone saying, I notice you, you matter and you are worth my attention. As I've reflected on this

[00:04:13] Facebook message, I thought back to an interaction over 5 years ago when I took public transit to work.

[00:04:20] Every morning I had the same bus driver and then for a few weeks he was gone. I wondered what had

[00:04:25] happened to him. I wondered if he'd got a new route and then a week later he was back smiling like normal.

[00:04:31] I climbed up the bus stairs, hey man welcome back where you been? The look on his face was unmistakable.

[00:04:38] It was quick but clear. He felt noticed. He felt cared for and he felt seen. Simply from a rider on

[00:04:46] his morning bus route. When you comment on someone's absence, you're communicating several important

[00:04:52] things. One that you notice them in the first place, this is a powerful message particularly in

[00:04:58] a time when we're connected to devices more often than one another. Second you're communicating that

[00:05:03] you noticed their absence, that the world felt a little different without them. And third you're

[00:05:07] communicating concern. Genuine and curious concern. Feeling seen is a powerful emotion. It's deep,

[00:05:15] meaningful and fulfilling. And when it comes from a near stranger, it will catch you off guard and

[00:05:21] feel your heart in a way you can't fully explain. What would happen in our world if you truly saw

[00:05:26] the people around you? What would happen if you communicated concern and compassion more regularly?

[00:05:32] How could you catch a stranger off guard, reminding them that they matter and that you see them?

[00:05:38] Maybe you've had a different postal carrier the last few weeks and then suddenly your regular

[00:05:42] carrier comes back. Welcome them back. Help them feel seen. Maybe the clerk at your grocery store got

[00:05:48] a haircut. Surprise them with a compliment. Help them feel seen. Maybe one of the employees at

[00:05:54] your child's daycare is back after a few days out sick. Tell them you missed their smile at morning

[00:06:00] drop-off. Help them feel seen. Seeing others as a simple act of kindness, it takes less than two

[00:06:06] seconds. So pay attention as you move through the world. Look up from your phone and be curious

[00:06:13] about the people in your shared spaces. Check in with them. Welcome them back and comment when

[00:06:18] you see something different. Feeling seen as a gift, a simple act of kindness. So the question is,

[00:06:25] who are you going to share with?

[00:06:30] You just listened to the post titled A Simple Act of Kindness by Dr. Allison Nebus Davis

[00:06:36] of Dr. Allison Answers.com. And it was a dandy thanks a lot to Dr. Allison today for sharing a

[00:06:43] viewpoint that's both simple as she put it and also very powerful. And there are a lot of ways we

[00:06:50] can put this into practice, right? I think it's an important thing to remember as we contemplate

[00:06:54] this piece. Maybe it's checking in on someone who haven't seen in a while or maybe it's randomly

[00:07:00] cooking a loved one one of their favorite meals or bringing them a picture from the past that's

[00:07:05] tied to a nice memory the two of you share. I think what I'm getting at is that we can bring a

[00:07:09] sense of being seen to anyone we cross paths with. Dr. Allison makes such a great case for the

[00:07:15] value of doing this for strangers. But just because we spend a lot of time with those who are in our

[00:07:20] inner circle, doesn't mean that they always feel they're necessarily looked after or that they

[00:07:26] can share themselves with complete honesty and vulnerability. Sometimes going out of our way for them

[00:07:32] can really revive a sense of connection. And this isn't especially useful tool for those

[00:07:37] like myself who may get lost in their thoughts or anxieties and can't necessarily be

[00:07:42] conversationally present at all times to be able to express our love through brief subtle

[00:07:48] actions is a powerful way to show affection as well as conserve our own energy. Food for thought.

[00:07:55] Time to wrap up though everyone. I'm really thankful that you joined today and every day

[00:07:59] you know I'll be back tomorrow with another post so join me once again if you'd like as we

[00:08:03] transition into parenting content tomorrow and Friday. I hope to see you there where your optimal life

[00:08:09] awaits.