3136: Thought Work: The Most Important Work You’ll Ever Do Is Learning to Manage Your Mind by Erica Layne

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[00:00:36] Living Daily.

[00:00:38] This is Optimal Living Daily, Episode 31-36 Thought Work.

[00:00:43] The most important work you'll ever do is learning to manage your mind by Eric

[00:00:48] Olayne of EricOlayne.co and I'm Justin Malik, your very own personal narrator today

[00:00:53] and every day.

[00:00:55] Me narrating means there are no interviews, just a short daily podcast where we can both

[00:01:00] improve our lives one day at a time.

[00:01:03] So that was to get right to today's post and start optimizing your life.

[00:01:11] Thought Work.

[00:01:12] The most important work you'll ever do is learning to manage your mind by Eric

[00:01:17] Olayne of EricOlayne.co.

[00:01:21] Over the weekend one of my best friends stayed with us.

[00:01:24] A few years ago we lived in nearly identical townhouses in California, just doors apart

[00:01:31] facing this big expanse of grass.

[00:01:34] Our kids would play for hours every week on that lawn, fighting with toy lightsabers

[00:01:39] or gathering leaves and flowers to add to their magical potions.

[00:01:45] Since then both of our families have moved away but this weekend we all picked up

[00:01:50] right where we left off, with my friend and I talking for hours and our kids playing

[00:01:56] instantly like they'd never been apart.

[00:01:59] While my friend was with us I kept thinking it's so nice speaking the same language.

[00:02:05] During the years that she and I lived in the same town, we both learned from the

[00:02:09] same teachers through books, podcasts and courses.

[00:02:14] So when we talk now we share this common understanding, a framework to see the world

[00:02:19] through.

[00:02:20] During my friends stay with me over the weekend reminded me that I want to make sure you and

[00:02:25] I are speaking the same language because this is life changing stuff.

[00:02:30] It's hard to encapsulate in a few words but we're going to call it thought work.

[00:02:36] Thought work is the process of observing and managing your brain.

[00:02:41] And today I want to share five foundational principles to get us all speaking the

[00:02:45] same language.

[00:02:48] The foundational principles of thought work.

[00:02:51] Number one, you are not your thoughts.

[00:02:55] The foundation of thought work is the knowledge that you are not your thoughts.

[00:03:00] You who you are at the deepest level are separate from the voice of the mind.

[00:03:06] I describe it to my kids as a monkey in your brain that never stops jumping.

[00:03:10] He's so bouncy and insistent that you start to think of him as your voice but

[00:03:15] he's not.

[00:03:17] He's just a visitor.

[00:03:18] You can quiet him whenever you want to.

[00:03:21] Eckhart Tolle talks about this in his book The Power of Now.

[00:03:25] He says that the voice of the mind is what differentiates us from animals and

[00:03:30] plants but that our problem, and it's a big one, is that we're letting that

[00:03:35] voice run unchecked.

[00:03:38] Number two, your thoughts not your circumstances determine your feelings.

[00:03:44] In other words, the monkey in your brain is responsible for how you feel.

[00:03:49] Let's say you're feeling frustrated and resentful because in the way you see it,

[00:03:54] your kids never put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

[00:03:58] That's frustrating.

[00:03:59] I get it.

[00:04:00] But it's not actually the circumstance that's making you all angsty where

[00:04:04] the circumstance is my kids left their breakfast dishes out this morning.

[00:04:09] It's the thought you're having about that circumstance.

[00:04:12] For example, the kids should put their dishes away.

[00:04:16] They know how much that bothers me.

[00:04:18] Recognizing that it's your thoughts that create your feelings is foundational to

[00:04:23] managing your brain because it's often a lot easier to shift your thoughts than

[00:04:27] it is to change your circumstances in particular other people's behavior.

[00:04:33] Which brings us to our third principle of thought work.

[00:04:36] Number three, you can shift or drop recurring negative thoughts.

[00:04:42] One by one, you can decide if your thoughts are serving you and

[00:04:45] if they aren't, you can drop them.

[00:04:48] Just know this, mental illness aside, you have more influence over

[00:04:53] your mind than you might think.

[00:04:56] I have to apologize to my husband for throwing him under the bus here but

[00:04:59] a few years ago I noticed a thought that kept popping in my mind.

[00:05:03] That thought was, he makes my life so complicated.

[00:05:07] Naturally, my brain started gathering evidence for that thought.

[00:05:11] And the more evidence it gathered, the more I started to believe that my

[00:05:14] thought was a fact.

[00:05:17] My husband craves adventure, spontaneity and newness like I crave simplicity,

[00:05:23] consistency, and home.

[00:05:26] So every time he changed our family plans at the last second or

[00:05:29] booked us for yet another weekend road trip, my brain would say,

[00:05:33] see, evidence, he makes your life so complicated.

[00:05:38] Eventually with the help of a great life coach, I managed to step back and

[00:05:41] ask myself if this thought was serving me.

[00:05:45] And I decided to try making a small but positive shift.

[00:05:50] Instead of defaulting to he makes my life so complicated,

[00:05:54] I practiced reaching for he makes my life so interesting.

[00:05:59] Sure, he still often makes my life more complicated than I might make it.

[00:06:03] But with this simple shift, I started to notice that he opens me up to so

[00:06:07] many things that I probably wouldn't experience otherwise.

[00:06:11] And I'm grateful for that.

[00:06:13] You have that same influence over your own thoughts.

[00:06:17] You can shift or drop recurring negative scripts.

[00:06:22] Number four, presence is always an option for relief.

[00:06:27] Does it ever feel like your mind is a high speed train without any breaks?

[00:06:31] It speaks in rapid fire sentences all day long,

[00:06:35] only to be silenced when you finally drift off to sleep.

[00:06:39] While we can deliberately drop our unhelpful thoughts or

[00:06:43] replace them with gentler alternatives, another option for

[00:06:46] relief from the relentlessness of your mind is simply presence.

[00:06:52] How often in your day do you quiet your busy thoughts and

[00:06:55] observe exactly where you are?

[00:06:58] Feel the solidness of the earth under your feet.

[00:07:02] Feel the sensation of a breeze or maybe the air conditioning on your face.

[00:07:08] Touch a texture near you like the smooth surface of your kitchen counters.

[00:07:13] Tune into your surroundings with your ears.

[00:07:16] Notice everything you can hear.

[00:07:18] Take a minute to be where you are free from the thoughts, worries and

[00:07:23] to-dos that normally dominate your headspace.

[00:07:26] Presence is always an option for relief.

[00:07:30] Number five, the more you practice presence, the better you'll feel.

[00:07:36] Don't let that monkey mind run away with you.

[00:07:39] You deserve the stillness and peace you can experience from learning to

[00:07:43] turn the volume down in your head.

[00:07:46] As Brookestillo says, quote, are you creating your thoughts?

[00:07:50] Or are your thoughts creating you end quote?

[00:07:54] Make sure it's you creating your thoughts so

[00:07:58] those thoughts can help you build the life you want.

[00:08:02] You just listened to the post titled Thoughtwork.

[00:08:08] The most important work you'll ever do is Learning to Manage Your Mind by

[00:08:13] Eric Alain of ericallain.co and I'll be right back with my commentary.

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[00:09:24] Take it Erika.

[00:09:25] I think I'd agree that it could be the most important work we'll ever do because our thoughts

[00:09:31] really do make up our day to day lives.

[00:09:34] And if you put two people who are feeling the same way into a specific situation like

[00:09:40] a stressful situation for example or even something as common as traffic, you'll

[00:09:46] get two completely different reactions and emotions just based on their own thoughts

[00:09:53] about that traffic.

[00:09:54] It's not the traffic's fault, it's the thoughts about it and the reaction to it which is very

[00:10:01] much in our control.

[00:10:03] It's not easy but it's possible.

[00:10:06] And I have to mention my two favorite methods for actually practicing this.

[00:10:11] One is meditation because it's just a practice of catching those thoughts and releasing

[00:10:15] them over and over and over.

[00:10:19] The other is journaling, simply becoming aware of what's going on in our heads.

[00:10:24] It might come easier to you, more might be more difficult but it's important to know

[00:10:29] that it is possible.

[00:10:31] And like Erika said, the more you practice, the better you'll feel.

[00:10:36] So hopefully you're able to practice that today.

[00:10:38] Thank you for being here and listening every day.

[00:10:41] Have a great weekend and I'll catch you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.