3148: 4 Reasons Worry Scares You and How to Be More Fearless by Ingrid Y Helander on Self-Awareness

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[00:00:58] This is Optimal Living Daily, Episode 3148.

[00:01:02] Four Reasons Worry Scares You and How to Be More Fearless by Ingrid Y. Hallander of IngridYHallanderLMFT.com.

[00:01:10] And I'm your narrator, Justin Malik, reading you articles every day of the year.

[00:01:15] I've been doing this for many years with the goal of bringing a bit more happiness, motivation, or inspiration into your day.

[00:01:22] And it's an award-winning podcast thanks to you and your support.

[00:01:26] Thank you for coming back to listen every day. It means a lot.

[00:01:29] And with that, let's get right to our next post as we optimize your life.

[00:01:38] Four Reasons Worry Scares You and How to Be More Fearless by IngridYHallander of IngridYHallanderLMFT.com.

[00:01:47] Worry can strike fear in the heart.

[00:01:50] Truly confident people do not have to push worries away to feel good.

[00:01:54] But if contemplating what worries you increases your anxiety, you are not alone.

[00:02:00] Wouldn't it be great to gain a sense of calm and clarity even when you have anxious thoughts?

[00:02:05] I recently asked a group to imagine their worries and write them down.

[00:02:09] After many years working with anxious clients, I was only a little surprised by the responses.

[00:02:14] A few got helpful information. Some could not do it.

[00:02:18] Others replied with disparaging comments about their worries.

[00:02:22] Still others made little jokes or recited platitudes about how to manage their worry.

[00:02:27] Here are four big reasons that even thinking about worry can be daunting.

[00:02:32] Number one, when you imagine your worries, you can subconsciously activate your sympathetic nervous system.

[00:02:39] Try it for yourself. Write down a few things that you worry about often.

[00:02:43] Notice how your heart beats faster and harder. Your mind becomes less focused.

[00:02:48] Your body may tighten. This is an activation of your sympathetic nervous system.

[00:02:54] Not surprisingly, when you are in this state, you will naturally feel more vulnerable.

[00:02:59] Number two, for some people noticing worried thoughts sends them quickly toward depression.

[00:03:06] If you have a history of anxiety linked to depressive symptoms,

[00:03:09] noticing worry reminds your mind and body of sensations that feel like the slippery slope into depression.

[00:03:17] Unfortunately, now you have another worry on top of whatever worry you came up with originally.

[00:03:23] Number three, you've probably been taught that worry is a bad thing.

[00:03:28] It's common to believe that worry as an emotion is generally bad and that it is a weakness to experience it.

[00:03:35] This internal shaming creates critical messages inside you.

[00:03:39] So even thinking about worry creates a firestorm of difficult emotions.

[00:03:43] In order to calm these sensations, you may separate from them by reciting advice,

[00:03:48] making jokes or crumpling your worry list and throwing it away.

[00:03:53] And number four, if you're prone to high anxiety, even thinking about worries feels out of control.

[00:04:00] If you have unaddressed anxiety, tapping into your worries can spiral

[00:04:04] into obsessive thinking about everything you fear.

[00:04:07] In these cases, it makes sense that you'd want to avoid being propelled into this worry vortex.

[00:04:12] This is similar to number two, except that instead of the fear being about becoming depressed,

[00:04:17] it is about slipping into more panic or racing thoughts.

[00:04:21] You're probably asking, why wouldn't I want to avoid my worries?

[00:04:25] Here's the thing, avoiding worry does not make it better.

[00:04:30] In fact, it likely makes it worse.

[00:04:33] When you face your worries with fear, you miss out on the opportunity to get a lot of valuable information.

[00:04:39] Since you ignore or even push these feelings away, they end up disconnected from your awareness

[00:04:44] and this limits your personal insight.

[00:04:47] Pushing your feelings away contributes to a sense of lostness or numbness,

[00:04:51] which over time has an enormous impact on your life.

[00:04:55] In addition, worries that are ignored or actively pushed away do not go away,

[00:05:00] they remain as parts of your personality.

[00:05:03] And because human personalities are amazing and multifaceted,

[00:05:07] you'll develop parts that serve to protect or manage your world to keep you from feeling the worries.

[00:05:13] Over time, you can feel exhausted always trying to ignore or ward off any triggers for these vulnerable thoughts and feelings.

[00:05:21] It's common to find worry about worry about worry.

[00:05:25] The anxiety grows creating significant symptoms like panic, headaches, sleeplessness, depression, and so on.

[00:05:33] So, how can you get acquainted with your worried thoughts without running away in fright?

[00:05:38] Here are a couple of steps you can try today.

[00:05:41] Don't push yourself beyond just enough challenge.

[00:05:44] Be patient and take it in steps. You don't want to scare yourself more.

[00:05:49] Number one, remind yourself that you have many feelings and they are not trying to harm you.

[00:05:54] In fact, parts of you that hold these emotions need attention, connection, and guidance from you.

[00:06:01] It may sound like a strange concept so move slowly and have patience.

[00:06:06] Number two, breathe fully and gently to calm your body.

[00:06:11] Write any small worries on a paper in front of you and look at them as small parts of you, not the whole.

[00:06:18] Number three, get really curious.

[00:06:21] Breathe and walk away if you feel at all overwhelmed.

[00:06:24] Allow yourself to walk back just taking a look at a thought or feeling familiar to you.

[00:06:30] Think, huh, that's interesting.

[00:06:33] And number four, ask as you look at the worry you've written.

[00:06:37] Ask from the perspective of your worry.

[00:06:39] What does that part of you believe would happen to you if you did not worry this way?

[00:06:44] Notice any positive intention of this part of you and offer a bit of gratitude if it's possible.

[00:06:50] Now congratulate yourself.

[00:06:52] You've uncovered a little bit of yourself, a part of you that needs your attention.

[00:06:56] As you practice bringing more curiosity to your whole internal life, your feelings, memories and body sensations,

[00:07:03] your confidence and clarity will grow.

[00:07:11] You just listened to the post titled Four Reasons Worry Scares You and How to Be More Fearless

[00:07:16] by Ingrid Y. Hellender of IngridYHellenderLMFT.com

[00:07:21] And I'll be right back with my commentary.

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[00:09:00] I think there are some great tips in here.

[00:09:03] I remember reading through a book about worry and how the authors kind of drew a parallel of worries to little monsters.

[00:09:12] Actually, they literally drew it because I have that image in my head of what they look like.

[00:09:17] These little monsters are things that make us anxious and we don't like to carry around with us.

[00:09:23] It makes us upset that we have to do that all the time because they're heavy and not fun to look at.

[00:09:29] But as Ingrid mentioned, if we can see them as only a small part of us, not the whole,

[00:09:34] and things that need to be nurtured and actually have a purpose of trying to help us really,

[00:09:40] well maybe they'll start to feel less like monsters after all.

[00:09:44] Maybe they need to be fed a bit or taken along with us for some exercise.

[00:09:48] They're wheeled around in a wagon instead of us carrying them around all the time.

[00:09:52] Who knows? They could take a different shape and look a lot different than they do today, less like monsters.

[00:09:58] But kind of looking at them with curiosity instead of hatred, maybe they won't be so ugly after all.

[00:10:04] It can be a silly thing to think about but sometimes a little silliness is all we need to take a step in the right direction.

[00:10:11] So take that step forward today, have a great rest of your day, and I'll see you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.