3149: Stop Crowding Out Your Happiness by Sarah Von Bargen of Yes and Yes on Mental Clutter & Finding Joy

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[00:01:00] This is Optimal Living Daily Episode 3149, Stop Crowding Out Your Happiness by Sarah Von

[00:01:06] Bargen of YesAndYes.org and I'm Justin Malik reading you articles every single day of

[00:01:12] the year.

[00:01:13] And now let's get right to another post and start optimizing your life.

[00:01:22] Stop Crowding Out Your Happiness by Sarah Von Bargen of YesAndYes.org

[00:01:29] Just imagine a super luxurious spa day.

[00:01:32] Picture it.

[00:01:33] Cucumber water, fluffy robes, enya.

[00:01:37] Now imagine exiting the spa and driving directly to a tax appointment to be followed by dinner

[00:01:43] with your passive aggressive cousin.

[00:01:47] But clearly you wouldn't do that right?

[00:01:50] No sane human would undo six hours of happiness and self care like that would they?

[00:01:56] My dudes, we all do this ish all the time.

[00:02:00] We check email while we're on vacation.

[00:02:02] We make mental to-do lists while friends tell hilarious stories.

[00:02:07] We start doing the dishes in the middle of the party we look forward to hosting a real

[00:02:11] thing I do because I'm super fun.

[00:02:14] This is so, so self defeating and joy sabotaging.

[00:02:19] In the pie chart of our lives, joy is a pretty small slice.

[00:02:24] Much of our lives consist of boring, responsible, logistical things.

[00:02:29] The shiny moments of joy, a great conversation, a long awaited holiday, amazing food are the

[00:02:36] minority.

[00:02:38] And yet so many of us crowd those few happy moments with stuffed schedules and mental

[00:02:44] to-do lists.

[00:02:45] In fact studies show that a significant amount of happiness comes from anticipating something

[00:02:51] we enjoy and a significant amount comes from recalling it.

[00:02:56] We're literally sucking joy out of our lives by cramming our schedules and minds so full.

[00:03:03] We deserve better than that.

[00:03:05] Our lives and minds and relationships deserve better than that.

[00:03:10] And it's not hard to do better.

[00:03:13] Five ways to stop crowding out your happiness.

[00:03:17] Number one, keep your schedule open before and after something that's happy making.

[00:03:24] If it's possible, don't cram things in before and after your happiness-inducing stuff.

[00:03:29] It's hard to get excited about your dance class if you're heading there right after

[00:03:34] work and then taking a conference call immediately afterward.

[00:03:38] It's hard to get into vacation mode if you're working on spreadsheets at the

[00:03:42] airport.

[00:03:43] Give your happiness some space to breathe, dude.

[00:03:46] Even if it's just 30 minutes to calm down and transition out of work mode, your

[00:03:51] happiness deserves your attention and time.

[00:03:55] Number two, really actually pay attention to your happy making experiences.

[00:04:02] As someone blessed with a type A personality and constant mental chatter, I have to make

[00:04:07] an active decision to get out of my head and into my life.

[00:04:11] My two favorite somewhat woo-woo ways to do this.

[00:04:15] First, in a moment of joy I say to myself, be happy in this moment.

[00:04:20] This moment is your life.

[00:04:23] Yes, I know it's cheesier than a pile of cheddar, but it works.

[00:04:28] And second, I walk myself through my senses.

[00:04:31] I smell coffee, fresh brownies and perfume of the woman sitting next to me.

[00:04:37] I hear the local country radio station and the chit chat of the coffee shop staff.

[00:04:42] I feel the hard oak seat of this repurposed church pew.

[00:04:47] I taste the bag of black jelly beans I impulse purchased at the cash register.

[00:04:51] I see overcast skies, an ice cream parlor, teenagers running through the drizzle tucked

[00:04:57] inside their hoodies.

[00:04:59] Number three, spend some time researching your happy making thing.

[00:05:05] Even if you're not really a planner and you're pretty sure you know everything

[00:05:08] about your happy making thing, give yourself over to a bit of just

[00:05:12] for fun research.

[00:05:14] Check out your travel destination on TripAdvisor, Atlas Obscura and Road Trippers.

[00:05:20] Search related hashtags on Instagram.

[00:05:22] Read a novel or watch a movie related to the band you're seeing or the city you're

[00:05:27] visiting or the mountain range you're hiking.

[00:05:31] Later this month Kenny and I are spending a long weekend in Decora, Iowa and I'm

[00:05:35] stretching out that happiness by reading The Bridges of Madison County and The

[00:05:39] Thunderbolt Kid.

[00:05:41] When we devote more brain space to our happy making thing, we can squeeze more

[00:05:46] happiness out of it.

[00:05:48] Number four, find a way to share and recall things that recently made you happy.

[00:05:55] On the way back from your trip, work on a list of 100 memories together.

[00:05:59] When you're catching up with friends, share the highlights of your happy

[00:06:02] making endeavors.

[00:06:04] Take photos or videos of the concert or party or game night or vacation.

[00:06:10] Grab a business card from the amazing cafe and put it on the fridge.

[00:06:14] You get the idea.

[00:06:15] Create a breadcrumb trail of memories and mementos that lead you back to happy

[00:06:20] things.

[00:06:22] And number five, notice the specific way you're crowding out your happiness.

[00:06:28] My vices are A, planning a future trip while currently on a trip and B,

[00:06:33] cleaning up the party while my friends are still there.

[00:06:37] Maybe you're someone who checks email while you're on vacation.

[00:06:40] Maybe you over schedule yourself or pick fights during situations that

[00:06:45] should be relaxing.

[00:06:46] We all have different ways of crowding out happiness, but if we notice

[00:06:50] what we're doing, we can change our behavior.

[00:06:54] You can remove email from your phone.

[00:06:56] You can tell your partner, I really want to relax this weekend.

[00:06:59] If I start to talk about work, will you change the subject?

[00:07:03] Give your happiness the attention it deserves.

[00:07:07] Crowding it out of your mind and calendar.

[00:07:14] You just listened to the post titled, Stop Crowding Out Your Happiness by

[00:07:18] Sarah Von Bargen of YesAndYes.org.

[00:07:21] And I'll be right back with my commentary.

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[00:09:00] Thank you to Sarah.

[00:09:02] I like to quote in there, she said,

[00:09:04] in the pie chart of our lives, joy is a pretty small slice.

[00:09:09] Much of our lives consist of boring,

[00:09:11] responsible, logistical things.

[00:09:13] The shiny moments of joy, a great conversation,

[00:09:16] a long-awaited holiday, amazing food, are the minority.

[00:09:20] And yet so many of us crowd those few happy moments

[00:09:24] with stuffed schedules and mental to-do lists.

[00:09:28] So I tracked my mood for many years

[00:09:31] and it's an experiment I mention on this show quite often

[00:09:34] because while the results were sort of obvious,

[00:09:38] sometimes in our day-to-day lives

[00:09:40] or if we're searching for happiness or answers,

[00:09:43] we don't really think about this.

[00:09:45] So when I kept tracking my mood,

[00:09:47] I realized that 80% of my days,

[00:09:50] actually probably even more,

[00:09:52] were just average, flat, like a five out of 10.

[00:09:57] Nothing super special, just fine.

[00:09:59] And that can be seen as a good thing,

[00:10:01] at least something bad wasn't happening.

[00:10:03] Then the other 20% or so was made up

[00:10:06] of higher than average or lower than average days.

[00:10:10] And those higher than average ones

[00:10:11] were always time spent with others.

[00:10:14] Very, very rarely was I alone on those days, if ever.

[00:10:19] And I share that because to come back to our quote,

[00:10:22] maybe we can be more mindful of those times

[00:10:25] and like Sarah says,

[00:10:26] not crowd out those moments with checking email,

[00:10:30] thinking about work or something else and so on.

[00:10:33] They are rare moments.

[00:10:35] A little bit more of being present in those moments

[00:10:38] could go a long way to boost up our mood

[00:10:40] on those days, maybe just a bit higher,

[00:10:43] which in the grand scheme of things

[00:10:45] really is important since they're not the norm.

[00:10:48] So something to think about today.

[00:10:50] Have a great day, thank you for listening

[00:10:52] and I'll be back tomorrow as usual

[00:10:54] where your optimal life awaits.