3156: How to Free Yourself From the Bad Habit of Negative Self-Talk by Ellen Burgan of If It Brings You Joy

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[00:00:38] This is Optimal Living Daily, Episode 3156 How To Free Yourself From The Bad Habit of

[00:00:44] Negative Self-Talk by Ellen Bergen of IfItBringesYouJoy.com and my narrator Justin Malik

[00:00:50] reading you blogs every single day of the year including holidays.

[00:00:53] And I'll get right to it as we optimize your life.

[00:01:02] How To Free Yourself From The Bad Habit of Negative Self-Talk by Ellen Bergen of IfItBringesYouJoy.com

[00:01:10] Becoming my best self is something I've been working on for several years.

[00:01:14] I've been educating myself by reading, listening to various audio material and attending workshops.

[00:01:21] It's been a path of trying my best to let go of old habits that aren't serving me well

[00:01:25] and adopting new habits that help me grow into a more calm, peaceful, and happy person.

[00:01:32] Overall my goal is just to be happy with who I am and where I am in my life.

[00:01:36] It's a continual work in progress.

[00:01:39] One habit I notice that I and many others do is flippantly saying or even just thinking

[00:01:43] things about ourselves that are negative in nature.

[00:01:47] Beating yourself up, that inner critic in your head, negative self-talk, putting yourself

[00:01:51] down, whatever you want to call it.

[00:01:53] It's time to say goodbye to the self-destructive and disempowering voice in your head that

[00:01:58] steals your confidence and makes you feel bad about yourself.

[00:02:02] Most people don't even realize the effect of these negative comments or thoughts.

[00:02:06] The act of saying the negative comment is keeping you from attracting what you

[00:02:09] want into your life.

[00:02:11] Beating yourself up in this manner is extremely disempowering.

[00:02:16] Here are some examples of negative things you should stop saying and how to take your

[00:02:19] power back by reframing them with more positive, encouraging comments or thoughts.

[00:02:25] Don't say, I'll never be good at that or I'll never get that.

[00:02:30] Refrain it.

[00:02:31] With that attitude you won't get it.

[00:02:33] Instead believe in yourself and always think positively.

[00:02:36] Give yourself a pep talk and tell yourself that you can do it.

[00:02:40] Into your way to feeling more confident by softening your words.

[00:02:43] These words that make you feel good about yourself.

[00:02:45] For example, say to yourself, I've really improved.

[00:02:49] I've learned a lot and I'm doing pretty good.

[00:02:51] I can see myself being good at that.

[00:02:54] Don't those words bring on a much better feeling than I'll never be good at that?

[00:02:59] Acknowledging even the smallest step forward is very empowering.

[00:03:03] Be happy with where you are and enjoy the journey to where you're going.

[00:03:07] Continue with the pep talks each step along your path.

[00:03:10] Use on what you can do, not what you can't do.

[00:03:14] Be proud and own your strengths.

[00:03:17] Overuse of saying, I'm sorry.

[00:03:20] Refrain it.

[00:03:21] Saying I'm sorry when you truly need to apologize is of course a good thing.

[00:03:25] The I'm sorry that needs to stop is over apologizing when no apology is needed in the first place.

[00:03:32] I hear this often from women more so than men.

[00:03:35] It's said so quickly that I don't even believe they even realized they said it.

[00:03:39] The feeling I get when people say this type of I'm sorry is they need to work on boosting

[00:03:43] their self-worth and believe that their opinion is valid and worthwhile.

[00:03:48] Hold your head high, shoulders back, and know that you are good just the way you are.

[00:03:54] Don't say, I'm so fat.

[00:03:57] Refrain it.

[00:03:58] First, why even say something like that?

[00:04:00] You're doing yourself a real disservice because that type of self-defeating comments or even

[00:04:05] thought will likely bring you exactly what you're saying.

[00:04:08] Regardless of your weight or any other characteristic, be kind to yourself.

[00:04:13] Love yourself as is.

[00:04:15] Make a list of positive aspects about yourself that have nothing to do with weight.

[00:04:19] Are you nice, responsible, authentic, friendly, spiritual, funny, strong, helpful?

[00:04:27] Be your best cheerleader.

[00:04:29] Get into the habit of acknowledging yourself for anything you do to improve yourself,

[00:04:34] positive thoughts you have about yourself.

[00:04:37] And when you have a new awareness that can help you grow as a person.

[00:04:41] Appreciate your strengths.

[00:04:43] To help yourself remember that you are amazing, grab my free printable quote cards.

[00:04:47] Keep them on your mirror, computer monitor, wallet, or anywhere to act as a reminder

[00:04:51] to be kind to yourself.

[00:04:53] The cards are also great to secretly leave for people as a random act of kindness.

[00:04:58] Don't say, nothing ever goes right in my life.

[00:05:02] Refrain it.

[00:05:03] Here again, be careful of what you're attracting to your life.

[00:05:06] This attitude will attract failures, not successes.

[00:05:10] We all have so much good in our life.

[00:05:12] Even if you're at the end of your rope, the sun still rises, plants still grow.

[00:05:17] And to steal a saying by Abraham Hicks, things are always working out for you.

[00:05:23] Becoming a better you.

[00:05:25] Surround yourself with a circle of support.

[00:05:27] People who motivate you help you stay positive and who will inspire you to grow.

[00:05:32] Negative self-talk can keep you from all the great things that life offers, especially

[00:05:36] from being a happy person who attracts good things into your life.

[00:05:41] Putting yourself down with negative self-talk makes you feel powerless, steals your confidence,

[00:05:46] and increases anxiety.

[00:05:48] With increased awareness and practice, you can diminish this bad habit that steals

[00:05:53] your personal power.

[00:05:58] You just listened to the post titled, How To Free Yourself From The Bad Habit of

[00:06:02] Negative Self-Talk by Ellen Bergen of IfItBringesYouJoy.com and I'll be right back with my commentary.

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[00:07:18] Thank you to Ellen.

[00:07:20] It's crazy to imagine how different and positive our thinking could be if we paid

[00:07:25] a little bit more attention because often we ruin our own days, really, with a consistent

[00:07:30] negative attitude.

[00:07:31] That doesn't mean we have to always fake our way through everything if we're in a

[00:07:35] bad mood or just don't feel like being happy, but the examples given here are great.

[00:07:40] Many of these conversations in our heads, or even out loud, are just unnecessary

[00:07:46] at best and harmful at worst.

[00:07:49] So it's important to revisit this and think about how we can reframe those statements

[00:07:53] from time to time.

[00:07:54] The thing to remember is that the hardest part is remembering to catch yourself as it's

[00:07:59] happening.

[00:08:00] It's easy to hear an article like this and think, oh yeah I do have negative self-talk

[00:08:06] pretty frequently and I should change that.

[00:08:08] But actually realizing it as it's happening in that moment catching yourself and then

[00:08:13] reframing it, well that's a different story.

[00:08:16] As Ellen mentioned, surrounding yourself with positive people is one great way to

[00:08:20] keep yourself accountable.

[00:08:21] But I'll also mention my go-to strategy that's mindfulness exercises like meditation that

[00:08:28] force you to recognize your thoughts over and over again.

[00:08:31] That's a practice.

[00:08:33] Whatever you can do to notice the negative self-talk is a step in the right

[00:08:36] direction.

[00:08:37] Now I've been thinking about offering meditations for you as another podcast that

[00:08:42] I would host.

[00:08:44] Let me know if you'd be interested in that.

[00:08:46] If enough people want those meditations, they'll motivate me to do it.

[00:08:50] You can get in touch at oldpodcast.com or simply reply to my weekly newsletter and

[00:08:55] get in touch.

[00:08:56] Let me know what you think.

[00:08:58] Have a great rest of your day and I'll see you tomorrow with a post from Steve

[00:09:01] Pavlina, where your optimal life awaits.