3178: One Thing Unhappy People Refuse to Do for Themselves by Marc Chernoff of Marc And Angel on Personal Growth

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Living Daily, episode 3178

[00:00:03] One thing unhappy people refuse to do for themselves by Mark Chernoff of MarkAndAngel.com

[00:00:10] And I'm Justin Malik

[00:00:12] Hopefully this is the last of the flashback episodes

[00:00:15] I've been doing that this past week because I've been a bit under the weather. Thank you for bearing with me

[00:00:21] Although I'd be surprised if you remembered any of these articles because I narrated them so long ago

[00:00:26] But anyway again, hopefully my voice will get better we shall see so with that

[00:00:31] Let's get right to our next article and continue optimizing your life

[00:00:39] One thing unhappy people refuse to do for themselves by Mark Chernoff of MarkAndAngel.com

[00:00:47] You as much as anyone in the entire universe deserve your love and respect

[00:00:53] Life is hard

[00:00:54] Sometimes it's impossible to live well without encountering struggle and there are some seasons in our lives that are especially heart-wrenching

[00:01:02] For Angel and me one such season occurred over the course of 15 months when we were in our late 20s

[00:01:08] There's a period of profound loss

[00:01:10] Beginning when we lost our jobs and our livelihood in the downturn of the economy

[00:01:15] There's a scary and financially uncertain time for our family

[00:01:19] Unhappiness is the simplest word to describe how we felt as we were learning to navigate our new reality

[00:01:25] We were hit with a devastating loss the death of a mutual best friend from sudden cardiac arrest

[00:01:31] The loss of such a key figure in our lives was intense and just as we were beginning to get back on our feet

[00:01:38] Angel's brother passed away

[00:01:40] Unexpectedly as well with so much loss in quick succession

[00:01:44] There were days when getting out of bed was our biggest accomplishment

[00:01:47] This is the nature of struggle, but as the days turn into weeks months and years

[00:01:52] We learn to press forward we learn that we are resilient and we hold a greater appreciation

[00:01:57] For what we have and the people who are dear to us

[00:02:01] Sitting here now years later

[00:02:03] I can honestly say that Angel and I have learned great lessons from that agonizing time in our lives

[00:02:08] We've learned how to cope with the hard times the pain and disappointment

[00:02:12] And above all we've learned the vital importance of self-love and self-care the magic that makes smiling again and again

[00:02:20] Possible. The truth is everyone experiences unhappy circumstances on occasion

[00:02:25] But there's a big difference between experiencing bouts of unhappiness and living a habitually unhappy life

[00:02:31] That's what chronically unhappy people do and although there are some exceptions clinical depression, etc

[00:02:37] A vast majority of these people's unhappiness stems from their own self-neglect

[00:02:43] Over the past decade angel and I have helped thousands of unhappy people

[00:02:47] Rediscover their smiles and in the process we've learned a lot about the negative behaviors that typically hold them back

[00:02:54] Self-neglect always stands at the very top of this list

[00:02:58] Even if you are generally a happy person

[00:03:00] Neglecting yourself is a habit that can easily creep up on you

[00:03:03] The key is to give yourself the extra attention you need and deserve

[00:03:08] Resisting and ignoring your own feelings and emotions does not serve you it leads to stress illness confusion

[00:03:15] broken relationships fits of anger and bouts of deep dark depression

[00:03:20] Anyone who has experienced any of these knows that these states of mind are horrifically unhealthy

[00:03:25] And when you're in the habit of self-neglect your standards for living nosedive and it's near impossible to escape

[00:03:32] So right now ask yourself do I love myself enough to never lower my standards for the wrong reasons

[00:03:39] Find the strength to say yes

[00:03:41] It's about living honorably

[00:03:43] It's about doing the right thing for you

[00:03:45] No matter what even when nobody else is going to know or understand at the end of the day

[00:03:51] Your reputation is what other people know about you. Your honor is what you know about yourself

[00:03:57] You have to admit to a certain extent you have spent too much of your life trying to shrink yourself

[00:04:02] Trying to become smaller quieter less sensitive less opinionated less needy

[00:04:08] Less you because you felt broken and you didn't want to be too much or push people away

[00:04:14] You wanted to fit in you wanted people to like you you wanted to make a good impression

[00:04:19] You wanted to be wanted so you could feel healed

[00:04:23] And so for years you sacrificed yourself for the sake of making other people happy and for years you suffered

[00:04:30] But you're tired of suffering and you're done shrinking, right?

[00:04:34] Good. It's not your job to change who you are in order to become someone else's idea of a worthwhile human being

[00:04:40] You are worthwhile

[00:04:42] Not because other people think you are but because you are breathing your own air and therefore you matter

[00:04:48] Your thoughts matter your feelings matter your voice matters and

[00:04:53] With or without anyone's approval or permission you must be who you are and live your truth

[00:04:58] Even if it makes people turn their heads even if it makes them uncomfortable

[00:05:02] Even if they choose to leave you may have been broken down by adversity, but you are not broken

[00:05:08] So don't let others convince you otherwise

[00:05:11] Heal yourself by refusing to shrink choose to take up a lot of space in your own life

[00:05:16] Choose to give yourself permission to meet your own needs choose to honor your feelings and emotions

[00:05:22] Choose to make self-love and self-care top priorities

[00:05:26] choose yourself

[00:05:28] Angel and I discussed all of this in more detail in the self-love and adversity chapters of one thousand little things happy successful people do differently

[00:05:36] after thoughts

[00:05:38] True strength is in the heart and soul not in muscles

[00:05:41] It's about having faith and trust in who you are and a willingness to act upon it regardless of the adversities and judgments you faced

[00:05:50] Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love respect and attention that you should be showing yourself

[00:05:58] Today look at yourself in the mirror and say I love you

[00:06:01] And from now on I'm going to prove it when you practice self-love and self-care

[00:06:05] You give yourself the opportunity to be happy and when you are happy you become a better friend

[00:06:11] a better lover a better family member and

[00:06:14] A better you you just listen to the post titled one thing unhappy people refuse to do for themselves

[00:06:25] by Mark Chernoff of mark and angel.com

[00:06:28] If they get a mark and angel longtime contributing authors to this show

[00:06:33] This one is pretty fitting for Memorial Day and with the current state of the economy and world

[00:06:38] We're all going through tough times of varying degrees together and his point is true

[00:06:43] We've learned how to cope with the hard times the pain and disappointment

[00:06:47] And hopefully we're learning the importance of self-care and using it to make the most of these times

[00:06:53] Everything is perspective

[00:06:55] So if we can feel the pain and difficult times and learn to accept it and let it go when appropriate

[00:07:01] Then we won't dwell on it and stay unhappy

[00:07:04] It is easier said than done, but a really important thing to focus on so hopefully that was helpful for you today

[00:07:09] But I'll leave it there. Hope you're having a great day a meaningful Memorial Day

[00:07:13] And I'll be back tomorrow as usual where your optimal life awaits