3192: Happiness is an Inside Job AND Cultivating Contentment by Kerry Ogden on Choosing to be Happy

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Living Daily episode 3192

[00:00:04] happiness is an inside job and

[00:00:07] cultivating contentment

[00:00:09] Both by Kerry Ogden of Kerry Ogden.com

[00:00:12] And I'm Justin Malik the guy that reads to you every single day of the year including weekends and holidays

[00:00:17] To help you live a more meaningful and positive life now. I have two posts today both from Kerry Ogden

[00:00:23] So with that let's get right to it man start optimizing your life

[00:00:32] Happiness is an inside job by Kerry Ogden of Kerry Ogden.com

[00:00:39] Happiness it's our constitutional right to pursue it, but what exactly is it?

[00:00:44] Most people associate it with mildly continuous feelings of joy

[00:00:49] But it's closer to a state of contentment in which one is okay with life as it is

[00:00:54] It's less a feeling and more a byproduct of how we live

[00:00:59] walking the path of contentment

[00:01:01] Requires us to pay attention to the things that block our way

[00:01:05] It's usually in the mind. The ego has something to say about everything you want to watch out for the stuff

[00:01:10] That's hurtful or depleting

[00:01:13] by taking a breath and invoking curiosity

[00:01:16] Even the tiniest bit we can learn how to find calm in moments of discomfort

[00:01:21] In this way cultivating well-being is like a spiritual journey of acceptance

[00:01:26] It takes compassion and strength to see ourselves clearly the process of transformation begins

[00:01:33] when we let go of judgment

[00:01:36] You arrive at the airport and realize you forgot your wallet. You have time to head home and back so instead of panic

[00:01:44] frustration kicks in

[00:01:45] Sitting with the frustration. The first thing you notice are blaming thoughts

[00:01:49] You remain focused on your breath to avoid getting caught in cycle

[00:01:54] The next sensation is a visceral hit to the gut that you recognize immediately

[00:01:59] Shame, you take deep slow belly breaths and remind yourself that nothing bad is happening right now

[00:02:07] If we catch ourselves in these moments, it takes just a few minutes to course-correct

[00:02:12] You don't need to be meditating or isolated in a quiet place to learn how to do this. You can take a pause anytime

[00:02:20] This little trick has saved me more than once from giving the finger to a stranger while driving

[00:02:27] blocks to contentment

[00:02:29] One of the blocks from learning how to live from a more grounded place is our deeply rooted sense of entitlement

[00:02:36] it shows up on the playground and the screams of unfairness and

[00:02:40] Continues to weave itself into the fabric of our behavioral patterns

[00:02:44] along with our sense of entitlement we have ideas and

[00:02:48] Expectations about what will make us feel happy a large percentage of which is externally located

[00:02:54] Well, if I only had a better job the right partner more friends less stress blah blah blah

[00:03:02] Recognizing our if-only attitude is the first step in extinguishing our sense of entitlement

[00:03:08] It's understandable to want discomfort to go away

[00:03:11] But to do so is to choose an endorphin fueled fantasy over reality

[00:03:17] Breath and expand

[00:03:19] The demands of entitlement are the ego's way of dealing with the fact that we are ultimately powerless in a cruel and beautiful world

[00:03:28] Learning how to hold the tension of opposites with ease is our golden ticket to the path of contentment

[00:03:34] Here's something I've been noticing if something doesn't go as planned say bilk is spilled or I nick myself cutting vegetables

[00:03:42] I hear sarcasm in my head. Well, that's great

[00:03:47] Until these negative comments are brought to light they continue their shenanigans outside of awareness

[00:03:53] When you feel hijacked by a negative sensation ask yourself

[00:03:57] What's in the way of contentment is anything bad happening? Can I surrender to what is?

[00:04:04] Awareness allows us to see where we're stuck while compassion allows us to accept what is

[00:04:12] Together the two help forge the way to greater and more lasting contentment

[00:04:22] cultivating contentment by Kerry Ogden of Kerry Ogden calm

[00:04:27] Living a life that is inherently worthwhile

[00:04:30] Comes from being present to it true contentment is not based on favorable circumstances

[00:04:36] It's about awareness the less we fight. What is the more grateful we can be in the present moment?

[00:04:43] We unknowingly block happiness with our expectations entitlement in need for control

[00:04:51] recognizing and working with these obstacles clears the way to cultivate the roots of contentment as

[00:04:57] It is in gardening. So it is with life. We plant seeds for what we want to grow

[00:05:03] There are specific roots that can be directly cultivated

[00:05:06] These roots include the capacity for being present

[00:05:10] generosity of spirit

[00:05:12] gratitude loving kindness and forgiveness as

[00:05:16] These capacities are nourished we become increasingly connected to our true nature in which happiness is a natural byproduct

[00:05:24] to experience genuine equanimity

[00:05:27] We need to name what blocks it and work with it and cultivate the seeds of contentment

[00:05:34] three questions

[00:05:35] As our beta a Zen meditation teacher suggests that we ask ourselves three questions

[00:05:42] The first is am I truly happy right now?

[00:05:46] Let's assume the answer is no say you're running late and traffic is bad

[00:05:51] The next question is what is blocking happiness?

[00:05:55] This takes us into our thoughts feelings and behaviors

[00:05:58] It may be difficult to answer at first because the ego is invested in our thoughts feelings and behaviors

[00:06:05] Stay with it. And eventually you may hear something like

[00:06:09] Traffic shouldn't be this bad a thought I'm gonna get fired a fear or maybe you notice tension in your body

[00:06:17] behavior and sensation

[00:06:19] the final question to ask is can I surrender to what is and

[00:06:24] Herein lies the reward when we see that it is our thoughts feelings and behaviors that are the source of discontent

[00:06:32] We're in a position to drop the narrative

[00:06:36] practice practice practice

[00:06:39] Perseverance is key to developing a fruitful spiritual life

[00:06:43] We also want to be careful not to turn the pursuit of happiness

[00:06:46] Into another craving if we do the ego will think it's something we are entitled to which will defeat the purpose

[00:06:54] A simple exercise to do each night is to reflect on your day while lying in bed

[00:07:00] Recall the main events starting with the first memory of the morning

[00:07:04] Try to do this at the same time each night before you're exhausted

[00:07:09] The mind will lure you to think analyze or have some opinion on the events of the day

[00:07:15] Don't get pulled in return to reflecting objectively on the events of the day

[00:07:21] Once the review is complete ask what am I most grateful for?

[00:07:26] Over time this practice will impact your daily life in powerful ways without effort or force

[00:07:33] Gratitude will grow in your waking life

[00:07:36] Small wonders like access to clean water or paved streets will bubble up to consciousness

[00:07:42] These are not trivial things yet. I take them for granted all the time

[00:07:48] Remembering how fortunate I am to have them is a gift

[00:07:52] you just listen to the posts titled happiness is an inside job and

[00:08:01] cultivating contentment both by Kerry Ogden of Kerry Ogden calm

[00:08:06] And I'll be right back with my commentary

[00:08:08] Thank you to carry

[00:08:10] Something that came to mind when she was talking about that example of forgetting your wallet when going to the airport in that first article

[00:08:18] She mentioned how in this example there was time to head back home. So instead of panic

[00:08:24] Frustration kicked in it's a small point, but one worth thinking about

[00:08:29] What if the time crunch was a bit more where there was barely enough time to get home to retrieve the wallet?

[00:08:36] We might be so preoccupied with getting home in time and making the flight

[00:08:41] That there wouldn't even be time to get frustrated

[00:08:45] We're basically running on adrenaline and I guess maybe fear at that point

[00:08:50] The situation is the same but the only difference is maybe I don't know 15 minutes or something like that

[00:08:56] Such a small difference, but a completely different reaction

[00:09:01] fear versus

[00:09:03] Frustration I thought that was really interesting in a great example of how that frustration really is a choice at the end of the day

[00:09:11] It's a topic that comes up frequently here

[00:09:13] But one I love because it's really everything when it comes to our happiness and state of mind. It's all a choice

[00:09:21] So make those conscious choices today and this weekend. Thank you for being here

[00:09:25] And I'll see you tomorrow as usual where your optimal life awaits