3198: [Part 2] Why You Should Care About Many Things by Mark Manson on Personal Growth

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[00:00:38] This is Optimal Living Daily, episode 3198, Why You Should Care About Many Things, part 2, by Mark Manson of markmanson.net.

[00:00:47] And I'm Justin Malik.

[00:00:49] Welcome to the old podcast, the OLD Podcast, Optimal Living Daily, where I read to you like a big ongoing audiobook, but from many different authors.

[00:00:59] And today is a continuation from yesterday, so I'd recommend listening to yesterday's episode first.

[00:01:04] But if you're all caught up, let's get right to part 2 and continue optimizing your life.

[00:01:13] Why You Should Care About Many Things, part 2, by Mark Manson of markmanson.net.

[00:01:20] Some of us experienced emotional traumas early on, and therefore many of us get fixated on certain aspects of our identity more than others.

[00:01:30] Social pressures can also force us into over-identifying with a certain aspect of our identity, which then drowns out other areas of our lives.

[00:01:39] For instance, the movie Blow is a true story about drug smuggler George Young.

[00:01:45] Young grew up in a poor family with a father who had trouble paying the bills.

[00:01:50] As a result, Young grew up identifying disproportionately with earning money and being rich and doing it in whatever way he could.

[00:02:00] Once he began smuggling drugs, the social pressures of those around him, the drug cartels, and the lifestyle he lived,

[00:02:07] continued to reinforce his choice to receive validation from money and wealth.

[00:02:13] Even if you haven't seen the movie, it's fairly obvious that eventually his life unraveled along with all of the relationships which mattered to him.

[00:02:22] In my own life, I over-identified with my sex life and the validation I received from women.

[00:02:29] This led to me becoming depressed and living on a couch with no job.

[00:02:33] Later on, when I was building my business and often working 14-16 hour days simply to make a rent payment,

[00:02:40] a simple refund request or 2-3 days with no new sales could send me spiraling into a depression.

[00:02:48] Both of these examples from my life were times when I was investing myself completely into one area, women and business,

[00:02:57] and forsaking other important areas of my life and my identity.

[00:03:02] In the case of the man in Robin's seminar, he lived an entire life that reinforced his identity as a man who could make money.

[00:03:10] He worked 100 hour weeks for decades. He made millions.

[00:03:15] Everyone knew him as the man who could make money, and he did.

[00:03:20] Many of them knew him and liked him because he could make money.

[00:03:24] This constant reinforcement and lack of diversity in his life eventually warped his perception in himself away from being a father,

[00:03:33] a husband, a friend, a role model, and instead, a walking bank account.

[00:03:39] That's all that came to matter to him and his identity.

[00:03:43] He had nothing else going for him because he never invested in any other aspects of his relationships.

[00:03:49] And when the money went, so did his self-worth along with it.

[00:03:56] One could take this advice as merely being a well-balanced individual.

[00:04:01] The problem is, people can be well-balanced but still not have a diverse identity.

[00:04:06] They could participate in a lot of different activities but still derive the majority of their validation and self-worth from one source.

[00:04:14] For instance, let's say you're a well-balanced individual with a successful law career, a spouse, some cool hobbies,

[00:04:23] and you enjoy reading in your spare time.

[00:04:25] But in reality, your career dominates your identity.

[00:04:29] You work so much that you have little with which to relate to your spouse other than work.

[00:04:35] Your hobbies all involve your co-workers. Your reading relates to your career.

[00:04:41] You have no diversity.

[00:04:43] A lot of people I know in finance are like this.

[00:04:46] Their friends are their co-workers.

[00:04:49] The books they read and movies they watch relate to their job.

[00:04:52] Their social excursions are work and networking functions.

[00:04:57] The dates they go on with people they meet doing work-related things.

[00:05:00] There's no diversification of where they're receiving their validation.

[00:05:05] And therefore, their emotional stability and self-esteem is at risk.

[00:05:10] If you invest all of your identity in one basket,

[00:05:14] then you put your self-esteem and emotional well-being at risk.

[00:05:18] American football player Junior Tseau committed suicide a few years after retiring.

[00:05:24] A lot of discussions have taken place about athletes and how they can regain their lost identity once they retire.

[00:05:31] One can't imagine what they must feel having gone their entire lives since childhood

[00:05:36] being recognized for being great at a single activity,

[00:05:40] and then once they hit their 40s, it's all taken away.

[00:05:44] Tseau is not the only casualty.

[00:05:46] There's this heartbreaking article about Hall of Fame football player William Refrigerator Perry

[00:05:51] and his descent into depression and alcoholism after retirement.

[00:05:56] Or an excellent article on soccer legends Pelé and Maradona and their inability to let go of their past.

[00:06:03] Or how about one on Michael Jordan and his continued bitterness and insecurity after retirement?

[00:06:09] Three years ago, the thought of my business going under terrified me.

[00:06:13] I stayed up entire nights worrying about if a new webpage would make me money or not.

[00:06:19] When they didn't, I'd lose sleep again trying to figure out why.

[00:06:24] Ironically, now that I'm successful in business, my identity isn't as invested in it.

[00:06:31] And if it failed tomorrow, I don't think I'd be as devastated now as I would have been three years ago.

[00:06:37] Why? Because I've diversified my identity.

[00:06:40] I've been around the world, I speak multiple languages,

[00:06:44] have a wide array of friends of varying lifestyles, a good musician, a successful writer.

[00:06:50] If my business crashed, it would surely suck and be stressful.

[00:06:54] But I imagine emotionally, I'd hold up much better.

[00:06:59] What do you care about? I mean, what do you really care about?

[00:07:03] Invest yourself in a wide range of areas.

[00:07:07] If you like music, start attending concerts or learn an instrument.

[00:07:11] Don't just travel as a vacation but invest in learning about the cultures.

[00:07:15] Learn a new language. Make time for old friends.

[00:07:19] Pick up new hobbies. Get competitive in something.

[00:07:23] Expand yourself beyond your work and your relationships.

[00:07:27] Go out for no other reason than to be with your friends.

[00:07:31] Learn how to dance. Take some time off work.

[00:07:34] Attend a meditation retreat.

[00:07:36] And don't just do something else but care about it.

[00:07:39] Invest yourself in it.

[00:07:42] Lest you become like our finance guru at a Tony Robbins seminar.

[00:07:46] Because chances are, the Batman of psychology is not going to be around to save you.

[00:07:56] You just listened to part 2 of the post titled

[00:07:59] Why you should care about many things by Mark Manson of markmanson.net

[00:08:03] And I'll be right back with my commentary.

[00:08:06] Thank you again to Mark.

[00:08:08] I thought there was a good quote in there. He said,

[00:08:10] One could take this advice as merely being a well-balanced individual.

[00:08:15] The problem is people can be well-balanced but still not have a diverse identity.

[00:08:21] They can participate in a lot of different activities

[00:08:24] but still derive the majority of their validation and self-worth.

[00:08:28] From one source.

[00:08:31] That's definitely something I need to think about myself because

[00:08:34] while I have introduced a bit more into my life like

[00:08:38] going to Tai Chi and often walking there,

[00:08:41] my life does revolve a lot around our podcasts.

[00:08:45] Which is my work. It keeps me busy.

[00:08:48] But it's also stuff I think about all the time too.

[00:08:50] And having some downtime not thinking about work

[00:08:55] or personal development topics is good too.

[00:08:58] If not necessary.

[00:09:00] Like pretty much everything in life, there can be too much of a good thing.

[00:09:04] And when it has to do with our identity, it can turn into obsession

[00:09:08] rather than just a good healthy habit.

[00:09:11] So something to think about today as you go about your routine

[00:09:15] and I'll do the same.

[00:09:16] Thank you for being here listening every day and I'll see you tomorrow as usual

[00:09:20] where your optimal life awaits.