3200: How to Find Joy in Unexpected Places This Summer by Dr. Kelly Flanagan on Happiness & Being Happy

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[00:01:00] This is Optimal Living Daily Episode 3200, How to Find Joy in Unexpected Places this

[00:01:07] Summer by Dr. Kelly Flanagan of DrKellyFlanagan.com.

[00:01:11] And I'm Justin Mollick here to help you find a little bit of extra inspiration, motivation,

[00:01:16] or happiness in your day.

[00:01:17] And you can hit the subscribe or follow button in your favorite podcast app to get new episodes

[00:01:22] every single day of the year.

[00:01:24] And with that, let's get right to another post and start optimizing your life.

[00:01:33] How to Find Joy in Unexpected Places this Summer by Dr. Kelly Flanagan of DrKellyFlanagan.com.

[00:01:40] On July 1st, 2012, as the minutes ticked toward midnight, my wife and I stood at the edge

[00:01:47] of the country.

[00:01:48] We faced east, gazing out over a dark and undulating Atlantic.

[00:01:53] And we held our breath.

[00:01:55] Because hundreds of miles northward, a vast thundercloud throbbed with orange pulses of

[00:02:01] energy and jagged bolts of lightning showered the horizon.

[00:02:06] From a distance, it was quiet, but violent and powerful and breathtaking.

[00:02:11] At the same time, the sky above us was star-scattered and from the south, a full moon bathed the

[00:02:18] beach in a gentle glow.

[00:02:20] In one direction, violence and destruction.

[00:02:24] In the other direction, tranquility and beauty.

[00:02:28] And we were left, standing in the middle of it, alone.

[00:02:32] The beach was empty.

[00:02:34] On the fluorescently lit boardwalk several hundred yards away, throngs of tourists licked

[00:02:39] ice cream and ate funnel cake and pushed quarters into arcade games, distracted.

[00:02:46] They were enjoying the classic holiday weekend.

[00:02:49] Each year, Americans spend approximately $3 billion celebrating the Independence Day holiday.

[00:02:55] $3 billion on gas and burgers and soda pop and sparklers.

[00:03:01] I contribute more than my fair share.

[00:03:04] But I wonder if all of us are settling?

[00:03:07] I wonder if we settle for happy things on the boardwalk of life?

[00:03:13] Licking happiness and forsaking joy.

[00:03:17] Happiness is all about pleasurable circumstances and orchestrated comfort.

[00:03:22] Happiness is when all the tumblers fall into place and life just clicks.

[00:03:27] It's sitting on the front porch on a perfect June evening with plenty of money in the bank

[00:03:31] account.

[00:03:33] It's the right job coming along at the right time.

[00:03:36] It's your kid walking down the aisle in a cap and gown with a full-ride scholarship,

[00:03:41] or your daughter walking down the aisle in a completely different kind of gown to take

[00:03:45] the hand of a guy that you actually like.

[00:03:48] Happiness is winning lottery tickets and good luck and serendipity and pinch-me-I-must-be-dreaming.

[00:03:57] Happiness is the perfect ice cream cone on the boardwalk with fireworks on the way and

[00:04:02] a long beach week with cloudless skies ahead of you.

[00:04:06] Happiness is sweet and it goes down easy, but it is always fleeting because circumstances

[00:04:14] change.

[00:04:15] The furnace goes out and the roof springs a leak and suddenly the financial margin evaporates.

[00:04:22] Or the new boss is a disaster.

[00:04:25] Or the kid comes home after a semester at college because the pressure got to him first

[00:04:29] and the amphetamines got to him next.

[00:04:33] Happiness is an ice cream cone that melts, leaving you with sticky fingers and a constant

[00:04:39] hunger for more.

[00:04:41] But joy.

[00:04:43] Joy is a place inside every circumstance.

[00:04:47] It's a constant place and it feels like peace and it gives hope and it looks like love,

[00:04:54] but it is more than all of these things and words will always fail it.

[00:04:58] And the place of joy is waiting for us.

[00:05:02] But there's a catch.

[00:05:03] It only exists right in the middle of the lightning and the moonlight.

[00:05:08] In fact, the place of joy in us cannot exist independent of the storms in life because

[00:05:14] joy is the peace that comes from looking right into the storm and feeling freedom from it.

[00:05:21] Joy is the place we stumble upon when we look our deepest pain and greatest fear directly

[00:05:27] in the eyes and we refuse to flinch.

[00:05:31] It's the place we discover when we decide pain and fear aren't going to be the final

[00:05:35] word.

[00:05:36] It's the place where we anchor ourselves in something more than the vicissitudes of

[00:05:40] our material existence.

[00:05:42] It's a place of freedom inside every situation where we realize the things that are happening

[00:05:47] to us are losing their power to control us and define us.

[00:05:53] Joy is not the answer to hardship.

[00:05:56] Rather, it is the birth of an entirely new way to experience the pain and the fear and

[00:06:02] the sorrow itself.

[00:06:04] Joy is lightning and moonlight all at once.

[00:06:09] Lightning and moonlight.

[00:06:11] The night after I stood between the lightning and the moonlight, I boarded the paratrooper

[00:06:15] ride at the Boardwalk Carnival with my oldest son.

[00:06:19] The paratrooper is a kind of Ferris wheel on steroids, whipping you up and down with

[00:06:24] legs dangling and feet flying out into the open air.

[00:06:28] As the ride commenced with a lurch and a growling hum, my son gripped the sticky handlebar with

[00:06:34] desperate tenacity.

[00:06:36] Looking straight ahead, he confessed, Daddy, I'm terrified.

[00:06:41] As we crested the top of the orbit, I shouted to him, Put your hands in the air.

[00:06:45] If you can do this, you can do anything.

[00:06:48] I'm not sure that's entirely true, but I knew it would feel true to him.

[00:06:52] And with joyful defiance, my gutsy, lovely son raised his arms above his head and let

[00:06:59] loose a wild scream, all terror and glory at the same time.

[00:07:05] Violence and beauty all at once.

[00:07:07] My son stepped into the lightning and the moonlight.

[00:07:11] He chose his terror and found a joyful freedom there.

[00:07:14] I think he's glad he didn't sit on the sidelines licking an ice cream cone.

[00:07:20] Are we ready to risk everything for joy?

[00:07:22] If we're going to live, really live, we have to choose to stand in the middle of the

[00:07:28] lightning and the moonlight because that's where joy is found.

[00:07:32] That's where we find peace and freedom from the pain and fear in the midst of the pain

[00:07:38] and fear.

[00:07:39] And that kind of joy gives birth to meaning and beauty.

[00:07:43] It'll be more terrifying than ice cream, but it'll be vastly more joyful than funnel

[00:07:48] cake.

[00:07:50] What ice cream cones of life are we licking?

[00:07:53] Where is the dark beach of our lives?

[00:07:55] Are we tired of the false promise of happy things and ready to step off the boardwalk

[00:08:00] and go there?

[00:08:02] Because there will be lightning waiting, but there will also be moonlight.

[00:08:08] And in the middle of it all?

[00:08:10] Joy.

[00:08:15] You just listened to the post titled, How to Find Joy in Unexpected Places This Summer

[00:08:20] by Dr. Kelly Flanagan of drkellyflanagan.com.

[00:08:24] And I'll be right back with my commentary.

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[00:08:53] Thank you to Dr. Kelly.

[00:08:56] I'm going to repeat a part of this that I liked.

[00:08:59] He said,

[00:09:00] Joy is the place we stumble upon when we look our deepest pain and greatest fear directly

[00:09:05] in the eyes and we refuse to flinch.

[00:09:08] It's the place we discover when we decide pain and fear aren't going to be the final

[00:09:13] word.

[00:09:14] It's the place where we anchor ourselves in something more than the vicissitudes of

[00:09:17] our material existence.

[00:09:20] It's a place of freedom inside every situation where we realize the things that are happening

[00:09:25] to us are losing their power to control us and define us.

[00:09:30] That reminds me of something I heard when learning about Transcendental Meditation.

[00:09:35] It's a different kind of meditating.

[00:09:37] There are many and each has its benefits.

[00:09:40] When I was learning about that, I heard an analogy that I liked.

[00:09:44] Our minds are a bit like the ocean.

[00:09:47] That's why I was reminded of it because Jay started this post talking about the tumultuous

[00:09:52] Atlantic Ocean.

[00:09:53] So on the surface, it can be calm, but it can also be rough and stormy.

[00:09:59] But if you go down deeper, the deeper you go in the ocean and our minds, the calmer

[00:10:05] it is, no matter how chaotic the surface.

[00:10:09] I think that's what Jay was saying and I agree.

[00:10:12] In any situation, there is a sort of base that's accessible, a base of serenity.

[00:10:19] That doesn't mean we should ignore chaotic times or run away from it, but just knowing

[00:10:24] that there is this anchor underneath can help.

[00:10:29] So thank you to Jay for this one.

[00:10:30] Thank you as always for continuing to listen.

[00:10:32] I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day and I'll be back tomorrow where your optimal

[00:10:37] life awaits.